Rising her libido again after having our two kids...

In fact, rightnow and for the last 4 years she never asked for sex, but we keep making love like once a week... but i'm usually the one pressing with patience. So she always starts like i'm tired, not now.. i feel sleepy, but after "raping" her lovingly with massages and holding her strong she always enjoys and cums, most of times several times. so at the end i always ask her, was it so bad? and she tells me it was fine....and kisses me and says she loves me...¿¿¿who can understand women????

Since she had 3 aborts, I think she has some trauma with sex or maybe she's not in love anymore with me....or maybe the two kids of us, which are kind of really nervous, are too demanding and let her exhausted to do anything at night... the thing is that she seems totally lazy relating to sex. she essentially does nothing sexually. i've to do it everything.

In fact she didn't want the kid when she get pregnant for first time, and then nature worked after birth so she loves the kid!

That was really different in the old times.

And even now she gets hot while making love...
For instance, the funny thing is that the loudest moaning and orgasms from her almost always include a finger gently up in her ass, but she never ask me to do it.

Also a funny thing is that the first girl i fucked anally and gave me a blowjob was her, since she asked to me to do it before marrying and having kids, but now we never do the anal thing regularly, just some times a year, and she'll never offer me a blowjob

The pitty is i fucked her like ten or twelve times up her ass, huge orgasms by her side, but she usually never asked for it, and specially she has not asked for it in the last 7 years, although i fucked her that way several times since then... and i'm quite desperate with that capability from her being wasted!, because she really enjoys it!!


The problem is that i'm 40 and my sexual drive has never decayed and she's 43 and it seems her sexual drive just dissappeared. But i still love her so much.

I would like to help her enjoy this wonderful part of life that sex is, regardless of it's anal, vaginal, oral or just hugging, massaging and preliminar play. So right now i learned to give massage that works and transforms to making love like 80% of times she allows me to massage her, and talked with her about that, and bought natural stimulant pills like Macca just to help her libido appear again and, and encouraged her to practice sport (and she's now enjoying sport as she never had and very thankful for me encouraging her to do it so), and.... and...but it seems it doesn't work. i've even encouraged her to go out with her friends and told her i wouldn' mind if she have an adventure, provided she explains me the whole thing... in fact if she would not explain that to me, i will just cut our relationship.

Macca has worked fine to increase her stamina at daily activities, so i'm quite happy with that, but apparently has no effect on her libido.

we talk a lot, i think i'm one of my wife best friends, so she'll explain me all the secrets from her girlfriends, even the reasons for divorces, some of them cheating their husbands with lovers, etc... and i always know how to keep the secrets, even in front of their husbands....We talk regularly about ourselves...our problems.

Both of us are handsome and practice sport so i guess that we'll be wellcomed in any swinger club, and in fact i've proposed that idea to her and she doesn'l dislike but she never finds the occasion to do it....again it seems she's lazy about that. My plan is going there just to take a look and if things go in the right direction have a good fuck with her while seeing other couples fucking, just to try if her libido is lightened again! And of course i would not mind if she participates in other couples fucking.....

What i didn't achieved untill now is to get her seeing some porn, it's again she's lazy or she's not turned on by the idea until it happens casually.

I'm totally confused, i don't know if the problem is psychological, mental, physical, the kids, everything altogether or if she just don't love me but fakes me when she says she loves me....

In fact we had a crisis like one year before, and made me realise that i had to change, (less work, cutting ties with my mother that stresses her...etc) so i did it, i treated her as a princess and she has very happy with that, and i think everything was totally forgetted like six month ago .

Another thought is that maybe she's not in the mood to have sex while at home with kids sleeping or going aorund in the house so i just arrange a day every month or so without kids and we go out for dinner, she has then that gorgeous look and is wonderfully dressed and all people just stare at her, myself with my better clothes, both tanned and quite athletic i really enjoy going out with my wife, then i get uncredibly hot and when we reach home....bamm she is tired and feels sleepy.... then i say, okey, let's have patience.... and try to sleep. Then the day after, she says, it's wonderful that the kids are out and we can fix things up in the house... and then i will just kill her, but again patience.....

Right now my strategy is patience and not to overwhelm her with my thoughts and urges.... Probably is a question of time, but i guess that six month are enough to start seeing getting back some results.

but i need sex regularly and desesperately!! like once a day or every second day...so i keep masturbating myself every now and then.

Finally i think i'm a reasonable good lover, with lots of care and tenderness, an average dick, some nasty behaviour when both are hot, no taboos at all (i think), even a little bi-curious and able to fuck and pound her for 30 or 45 minutes if she allows me that, but i can control it and cum in a second if she asks me... so i'm totally puzzled... sometimes i'm even afraid of lasting too much makes my wife more like she doesn'lt want me to be "bothering" her so long

One of my last ideas is to get her to a doctor to check her Hormones and tyroides to check if they are balanced.

if anybody has just some other idea i will appreciate! i love her so much that i just want her to live her live fully! with me! and the kids! :love:

 

My advice would be to try to conform to her desires and not try to impose yours on her. If she doesn't initiate sex, she probably won't, and trying to get her to do so is an exercise in futility. I think your wife is just a passive lover, and "receives" pleasure rather than taking it or asking for it. My wife is the same way, and I've learned to play her like a musical instrument when we make love. You said that she does cum, and often several times, so work with that, and give her new experiences each time she does. I know you are driven by your own desires, but try to focus on her pleasure, before you do your own, and make sure that she has as much fun as you do each time you make love. Learn her body language, and respond to it rather than hoping for verbal requests or responses. If putting your finger in her ass makes her moan or cum harder, then don't worry about whether she has asked for it, her body is telling you that she likes it - that kind of thing. Learn what her body is telling you she wants, and give it to her. Also, I'd forget about porn or swinging, those are things that you want, and she seems indifferent to.

Quickies are a good way to satisfy your need for sex without her having to respond fully, and you can bargain with her for that - marriage is a lifetime negotiation. From what you've written, you have the potential for a wonderful and fulfilling sex life with her, something MANY others would envy. You have a lifetime, so don't be in a hurry. My wife didn't realize her full sexual awareness until she was into her 50s, and she is still building, into her 60s.

Sexual intimacy is an evolutionary process in every relationship, and she is more likely to have bigger fluctuations in her wants and needs than you are. Like it or not, she is in control of sex in your marriage, and it's her desire, or lack of it, that controls her. Be patient and forget about your own insecurities and self doubts. She loves you, and you just need to find your way into her heart, every day.

 

Hello 4Speed! Thanks for your reply! :2thumbsup:There're a lot of wise thoughts on your post!

I'll try to check what i'm doing and how i'm behaving in relation to your advices...

I think i focus always on her pleasure, i give her massages..., try to make up for the right atmosphere and i try to make sure that she enjoys... Of course i have my own fetiches, like ass, but i think she likes me fingering her a llittle bit most of the times..specially when she's taken a shower. So i think i'm close to fulfill what you recommend to me

Wise advice, i'll try to keep that image into me. The problem is that she always wants to make love in the same position, on her belly and then she does nothing....only rising her hips..or a little bit of spooning (i think she likes it deep) so it's a little bit fustrating because i can do only a limited amount of things on that positions... and since i cannot see her face sometimes i don't know if she likes it or not.. I hope she will be open to try other positions other times... for instance she accepted me doing an oral to her the other day... she enjoyed a lot, and also myself...but she hasn't allowed that to me again....

She's not really indifferent to swinging, she's in fact quite curious aobut it, but i'll have to be the one taking the lead... It's again the same.. it's this feeling that i've to be always the one taking the lead and making things work.... That fustrates me! I think i just have to be patient on that, and someday it will happen. In fact it's my biggest hope that it will spark her libido again!! But of course it needs to be perfect!!!!

That gives me hope!

I think this work when the partner is more prone to sex. My wife has always an excuse for that. and the most used excuse, it's that there's no time or we have to do this or that, or not now, i'm not in the mood..... I even think that i screwed up things in the past when i tried to bargain things for a quickie. So i learned the meaning of No, and i adapt to it (slightly frustated, but trying not to look so), I think i need to make her more prone to sex before trying to bargain for quickies. One of the problems of bargaining is that she always has the last word, so at the end it's always no!, then i get fustrated and she feels pressed all the time. And i think that that pressure was the worst thing for her.

Maybe my problem rigth now it's just the consequence of a very bad 2010 and 2011 years, with fights between my family and my wife,...and myself working too many hours (at some point she was so damaged by the situation that she said to me that she didn't know which feelings she had related to me, then i just quitted with my family, because i love her and i was also fed up with the situation), and now i've to heal all the pain she suffered, and making her again in love with me... So i probably need to be patient for a while, and if it takes one year, okey, or if it takes two years, also okey... For now, i have achieved her telling me that i've changed so much in the last 6 months that she feels fine again with me... and tells me that she loves me.. but i think it's just a little! Lol! And i want her to love me like during the first years!

My problem is also that i'm maybe too in a hurry to solve things...advancing in many different directions and planes and i can not realise the improvements on our relationship since last year. maybe also the problem it's that i was also hurt by the excess of work, the figths with my family and the problems raising our kids.

Some of my insecurities come from the fact that this last year i just quit working that hard, shifted my priorities to my wife first, even above my kids, and i took care of the kids and i encouraged her to go out with friends, practice sport, and pursue whatever she wanted....then, when she do it all and i just felt somehow left apart...not a single nigth out with her.....and everything with a smile on the face....but myself had to take care of just everything...so i get also in need for love....(and sex) and i wasn't receiving it!....Patience!!!

Thanks for this golden sentence! I think that's how i think and how i try to act but sometimes i just be fustrated, but you'right i've to keep on this direction and be patient!

It's a shame i cannot get my wife to reach for this kind of wise advices from real people!:love:

Thanks a lot from Spain

 

If I may further suggest, don't bring others into your love life by swinging, even if she's curious about it. You seem to have your hands full dealing with the current situation, and if you bring someone else into it, it will only make things more complex.

 

How much do you help out around the house? Is she depressed? Stressed? On BC? All of the above can lead to an drop in drive. If not take her to the doctor to check her hormone levels as they might need to be fixed. You can also try l-argine which will give increased blood flow to her clit making her more likely to be in the mood.

 

You could try a natural suplement. Supernal Boost is a great libido enhancer!