What happend to me?

^^^ Exactly.

 

I never tried to control it. I always let it flow through me. The problem is that at some point I just completely loose awareness of what is happening and descend into a dreamlike state.

I took only 2 last time.

I actually never worry because of my last trips. I never expect the trip to go that way, even think about it. It just happens by itself.

 

You might not actively worry about it, but the fact you came to the forums here to ask for advice clearly shows it's been playing on your mind to some extent.

Your subconcious can do allot of thinking without you acctually thinking about it if you get what I mean.

 

I think the short answer is that it comes back all the way, but having a window where it was lessened allows you to dip your toes into that state of mind with greater ease when you are sober. If "Mr.Writer" never came back from an acid trip then that would be an incredibly negative impact of LSD on a human being, insofar as that human being is part of a society, has a family, friends, needs to feed himself, go to work, etc. I can't pick my girlfriend up from work if there is no "I", so this state is actually not desirable in a permanent sense. I once believed that ego death is "enlightenment", that it is the goal, that it is the ultimate state of perfection. But this is only true in a universe where only you exist, so ironically this view is actually full of ego!

Step back first and ask "Is there a goal to psychedelics?" I'm not sure how you even mean this question. If you mean "What is your goal to doing psychedelics", then I would answer with "my goal is to achieve states of aesthetic beauty, sublime euphoria, and piercing understanding that ultimately mold me as a human being and improve my life". I view psychedelics like "going on a trip", which is where we get the slang "trip" from. Taking a few hits of LSD is on the same level of experiential data as taking a trip to Nepal. You go somewhere, being is changed, new data, new ways of thinking, you emerge having grown.

Definitely not; this we would call "brain damage". If your friend achieved permanent ego loss from an acid trip you would mourn his loss. He would no longer be there to be your friend. From the outside he would appear to be in some sort of dementia or vegetative state. There would no longer be a "personhood" inside the human being to be friends with. Friendship requires two self-aware personalities who mutually click together.

Don't confuse "ego death" with "maturation", "seeing the big picture", "camera zooming back". All these latter things are wonderful and do occur, even permanently, from psychedelic trips, but ego death is necessarily caused by direct chemical influence on the brain, and dissipates once the drug is metabolized. Who would protect you from a saber-tooth tiger attacking you if you're not there?

 

It started playing on my mind only after the third time it happend (2 days ago), which means it's not the acid, not a coincidence, but a consistent pattern in my brain. How do I break it?

 

So is ego death, whatever that's even supposed to really mean, possible without psychedelics? Surely it must be unless all the enlightened masters are liars over the ages. And is ego death simply a chemical physiological phenomena?

Keep in mind that i'm not at all trying to disagree. Literally just asking the question. Your responses tend to give me new vistas from which to approach a question.

And i could see you perhaps responding along the lines of "There's simply no way that meditation and Yoga can bring you to the same state of ego death as LSD does, in the way that LSD does it", and i would completely agree.

But i can't agree that psychedelics are the only true way to such a state, and i don't really have an answer as to the true difference between enlightened yogis and LSD ego death.

Also keeping in mind is that, it's infinite. That, for me, has always been a solid sort of "I don't know" to fall back on. It's not dismissing anything, and it's a very true fact. It's actually including everything. The universe is infinitely enmeshed within itself.

I think there's only "progression", and not an end goal to finally come to. Though i do feel that one can experience a certain Kundalini passage of sorts, a cosmic transference of energy, which does sort of alchemically crystallize a human being in a swift, efficient, and intense purificatory way. And there is an "I" who actually goes through it, but it in and of itself, was not the final state to achieve, but rather, something to pass through, in the same way that you go through an acid trip and then continue on in never quite the same way as before.

But as far as Kundalini is concerned, i suppose that that would help to answer the question of whether or not ego death is one and the same as a chemical shifting in the brain on an LSD trip. Kundalini IS all about energy, chakras, and vibrational frequencies of being. And so Yoga could perhaps achieve a similar state of ego death as a psychedelic trip, while obviously being quite different. But it could be equal or perhaps even more advanced than the temporary 12 hour trip.

Take all of these ideas lightly, though.

 

Part of the amazing part of psychedelics is each trip can be unique. So while trips often do have a sense of familiarity with them, they can vary quite a bit from trip to trip and even within the same trip. Something like LSD which has the potential for quite a bit of variability in it's doses, means that 2 hits of 35 ugs hit acid compared to 2 hits of 125 ugs hit acid will have you in completely different territories of the LSD experience eventhough you took 2 hits in both instances. The mindset and setting have a dramatic influence on your trip as well.

Since you seem adamant about perceiving different effects from this recent acid and if nothing else but to make you aware, there are several other non-LSD lysergamide chemicals that exist, so there is a possibility one batch of those may have been something else.

 

Nirvana is essentially ego loss, but a lot purer I imagine because of the way you reach it.. and possibly a bit more permanent.

I know I've heard/read someone say they've experienced ego loss in an isolation tank, accompanied by some meditation.

I'm surprised I've still got my ego, I'm always losing things..

 

Alright, here is an update:

Today I took approx. 500mg of mescaline. I am 100% sure it is in fact mescaline. The trip *visually* was much less intense than acid, but the thoughts (the thing that really matters) seem to have been much more calm than with acid. With acid I feel as if my brain is a machine gun just firing about. Also, I had full awareness of what was happening the whole time (unlike the last 3 acid trips), and was actually enjoying it (unlike having to just sit through the "dream" and remember nothing). As I am writing this post I am T+7:40. I still feel the mescaline acting.


So, does this mean that I am intolerant to acid anymore for some reason?

 

There are 3 possibilities for what happened.

1. You got sold bunk acid(DOx, AMT, ect.)
2. You used to get DOx, but finally got sold real LSD and couldn't handle it(u shouldn't try to "control". Just let go and be happy)
3. Something else you ate interfed with the acid. Avoid processed foods 2 days before trips. the MSG(monosodium glutamate) and other additives and crap can affect the subjective experience since they are toxins(neurotoxic excitotoxins) with their own effects). Big read, if u wanna google it lol.

 

1. Impossible.
2. See 1.
3. That is an interesting theory, I will consider it.

 

Mescaline is generally considered a less psychologically abrasive trip than acid. I'm not sure I'd make a definitive statement of you are now 'intolerant' to acid, but perhaps you are at a point where the acid exposed some insecurities or you simply took too much and forcing the issue with subsequent acid trips in a short timeframe is not really helping.

Maybe taking a little break from acid to let the psychological dust settle and then coming back to it could provide more beneficial and have you approach it from a fresh start.

 

But I took a 1 year break between my first 2 and this recent third acid trip specifically for that reason. And it didn't work

 

Oh ok, sorry I glossed over that part, just saw the 10 day timeframe between the first 2 trips. Well higher dose than you are accustomed to or other LSx chem like I said are about my only other guesses.

 

Is there a possibility of my brain developing some sort of "antibody" to acid?

 

no

 

"you can't take 5 hits of strong acid and have plans". Classic.

I took 3 full hits of windowpane back in '72. Still trying to remember what my plans were.

 

Hey lets cut to the chase guys. I completely disagree with the people who are suggesting a DOx or something other than LSD is the problem. The answer is; if something is wrong, SOMETHING IS WRONG. Make some changes dude, stop trying to find outside reasons and start looking in. This is the best advice you are going to get, I know what you are going through man, it happens to alot of people.

Im shocked im the first one to mention something like this. We are in the LSD forum guys, this is mind+body+soul medicine were talkin about.

 

Yeah, no kidding

 

Hello!
I have had the exact same trip as you did 8 months ago, and I know how that crazy feeling feels like everything rushing through you and feeling like you are controlled, feeling like you and your firends are tripping together living from picture to picture (that's what happened to me).
This might come as a shocker but I am 100% sure that your problem originates from your personality, maybe keeping some stuff private that you felt you can't share with anyone (that's what triggered my "crazziness", the 4th time I took lsd I think) and believe it is a brutal version of ego loss, where your subcountious REQUIRES one. I know this sounds strange, but I firmly belive that this has to be the case here, now if I may ask what did happen during your crazy hours? Were you just like sitting doing nothing or were you doing something else?
I might write my trip report because oh well things went from strange, to bat shit crazy lol