Depression or...

Am I just growing up?

I know I have 'depression' and I refuse to go get myself evaluated and medicated, because it is an illness due to the life I live, not because of something wrong with me.

And in the same sense, I feel totally capable of coming out of 'depression' and being a better person.

This depression sort of makes me want to do what I know I need to do - but it hamstrings me by cutting my motivation in the actual moment. Story of my life.

So I wonder, am I really depressed or am I learning to grow out of childish and lazy habits? I feel like I am growing as a person in terms of responsibility and what I can handle and be accountable for - but I also feel like I have no love to give, I am not interested in what others have to say, I want to talk and hang out - but when I start to I just feel like going home.

Essentially, I feel like I may be slipping into a different stage in my life - perhaps for the better in one that I can focus a bit more on things that I want to accomplish.

 

I think you have a pretty good handle on things-it's real important that someone realizes that it's their situation in life or their environment that's the real problem, not that there's just something fundamentally wrong with them

Motivation can be a problem, but when you start moving and trying to do things, you'll feel better.

About love-love is what makes us truly human-it's like it makes us more like God and not just like some lower form, if you will. The more love we give, the happier we can be-it's not always returned in the way that we'd like or by the people we give it to, but it'll come back to you one way or the other. We reap what we sow. Good luck! I think you're on the right track.

 

Maybe pills would help you get motivated to change your life

 

LSD pills.


the way i see it though, life IS a pill and it's about damn time to swallow. i just knee-jerk a lot

 

No, seriously, if it is just depression, pills would take this problem away:

I don't know how bad your situation is, but in spite of that, you should still be able to do something or at least don't stress so much.

 

this is a really good post



purp, i've seen your posts for a while since 2009 and i don't think you need antidepressants.....

i think you are doin well for your age.... anti depressants are for people that reallly reallly need them and they are highly addictive, i dont think you need them.. i think you are just 'growin up' as you say


everyone has depression at some point in their life

 

I find your terminology a little offensive.
I am not capable of love, I am constantly told I am a lower lifeform because of this, the perpetuation of that belief means any good I do in this world is negated as worthless.

Though, the remainder of your post was very apt.

Agression is not my intent.

 

pills are meant to be last resort, when other options have failed.

 

Well put, I also know that far too many variants are not so required as (I perceive) the people are led to believe, some actually serve thier purpose well, especially when used when required rather than systematically taken to alter a persons entire makup.

 

It's just growing pains, I feel.
Loneliness and whatnot, struggling to find how to get people to understand and receive me as I am wanting to be understood as.

I'm not worried, but it doesn't make me any less sad whenever I do feel sad.

 

Suggesting pills is a fucking horrible suggestion.

You gotta do what you feel is right for yourself, you are the only one that will be able to pull out of whatever you find youreself in the midst of.

You've got a good head on yer shoulders. I read a lot of your posts.

I recommend following your conscience as it is screaming at you.

Some people don't understand that our inner guide can speak to us in such ways ie: depression like symptoms. They'd like to act like those feelings have nothing to do with their being and need to be done away with, with pills, as if that is any kind of lasting solution.. it is your being telling you that something you are doing is not working.

We feel pain for a reason, it is a message in whatever form it may come.

A great motivator.

 

That's probably a really good way to look at it. As you mature, your desires and needs are changing. The trick is learning to listen to yourself. And even trickier is doing something about it.

BTW, I have chronic depression, and have to be medicated. It's transformed my life. I tried for over 40 years to see through the fog of it, and once submitted to getting help, have loved how my personality can flourish, rather than being pressed down by a disorder that kills joy.

 

sadness is no less valuable an emotion than happiness. Life is transient so negative emotions and positive emotions will be a fact of life throughout different time periods in life.

This always keeps me from falling into a full-blown depression when I'm feeling sad or upset. I don't know if it helps, but just knowing that I can learn from and find value in less than pleasant emotions helps me during tough times.

 

Yeah it definitely helps Meliai, it's something that I have been meditating on for a while now too. It also applies when I feel a sort of rush of happiness. Mania per se.

When I'm happy, I feel happy.
When I'm sad, I feel sad.

A lot of my unhappiness stems from not being occupied...I also haven't painted or sat down to draw/illustrate something in like 3 weeks and I am totally feeling this sort of remorse about it.


As for pills...I can't say I agree with them or disagree with them 100 percent. THey work for some people, but they also make some people complacent with their life that makes them unhappy (or the life that they think makes them unhappy). I have witnessed the use and abuse of depression medication nearly all my life.

I can say that whenever I hear or talk to someone that says they are taking depression meds (whether prescribed or not) I can't help to feel like I should just reach out to them and tell them to try and find happiness without. I know it is easier said than done, I struggle with it too, but I just feel like knowing they have a foreign chemical in their body at all times, it filters their self a little.

 

Hey Purp. I think I'm going to join the "growing pains" band-wagon on this one.

Don't take pills.

I suppose it's sort of like a quarter-life crisis. A transition; self-discovery, self-actualization, priority shift... call it whatever you like, it happens. And it seems to be almost necessary. Sometimes it's hard to turn the page - and if taking it down just to basic science - it's the struggle against inertia - change. The universe does not like change. It wants to stay as it is. Yet, change is an inevitable part of nature. Quite a paradox, you see.

And I feel you completely, as I'm going through the exact same thing (except much earlier than you are).

It's helped to realize that it is my environment, and not me. And this got quite distinctly highlighted by the fact that the people in my current environment are trying to convince me otherwise.

"You're crazy!"
"You're selfish!" ... and so on.

So I've decided to move out. Leave sh*t behind, go live in a different country. Drastically change my circumstances and the people I see on a day-to-day basis.

And although Mr and Mrs.Misery keep telling me "It doesn't matter where you go! You're pathetic! Stop trying to run away from responsibility - !" , but I'm just like "What responsibility?"

My biggest struggle right now is with myself.

 

quit smoking weed, find a religion or something lol

you remind me of myself purp, if you get prozac or some other shit just try it and see how it makes you feel. Start jogging on a daily basis

 

eh, i might quit weed...i haven't been smoking a LOT lately like I used to.

jogging is gonna be a better option for me, i need to be more active. I just hate jogging...I get so bored lol
the depression thing comes and goes though...if I could get past this artist block, I think I'd feel a whole lot better. I just have to sit down and do it for real.

 

Unless you're laying around and can't even get out of bed, I'd say your feelings are healthy and probably are telling you to find something in your life. I'm 20 right now and feel the same way sometimes, I felt better after I got accepted into Americorps I hope I feel even better when I go. Looking for something to make me feel alive.

 

jogging sucks lol. I tried that for a year, then I had to admit to myself that it just wasn't any fun at all.

I love hiking though. If there are any good trails near you thats a good way to stay active without it feeling like work.

Exercise pulled me out of a depression once. Well that and a variety of other things, but I think regular exercise can help regulate brain chemistry better than pills.

 

Listen to Blind Melon song Change "When life is hard you have to change"