Have you ever been, on a very psychologically manipulative, rather than physical or maybe sexual way, been stalked? Posting this as I have been in both scenarios in past but am currently trying to manage my life and a person who is manipulating me on a day to day basis. I am absolutely fine and can deal with my 'problem', just wondered if anyone on HF has been thro same. Thanks, in advance
Great thread topic! I've had 2 female "stalkers". One in 1999 and one in 2008. Both situations were very similar. They were women I had casual friendships with - more like acquaintances - at least that's the way I saw it. The one in 1999 would call me 3 times a day, MINIMUM, and would leave messages asking where I was. She thought she had to know where I was at all times - seriously! She only had one friend that I knew of. Her boyfriend at the time was a mutual friend of some people in our group of friends at the time. None of the other wives/girlfriends cared for her either but they were just outright bitches to her so she left them alone. She latched on to me the day I met her and it took almost 9 months to get rid of her. She went as far as lying to me about situations she was in so I'd spend time with her by helping her out. For example, she'd lock her keys in her car ON PURPOSE and then call me to pick her up and take her home for her spare set. She actually gave me a key to her house and it happened too many times to have been accidents. And it was always around lunchtime so she'd "bribe" me by asking if I'd help her out and in return she'd take me out to lunch. I only helped her with her keys 3 or 4 times (in the first month). After that, I simply didn't answer the phone most of the time when I saw her number on the caller ID. The day I met her was really nice and we got along great, but then she started calling me every day after that. I did make an effort to try to be her friend, but we really didn't have anything in common and I simply didn't like her. We knew her boyfriend was a compulsive liar, and it turns out she was as well. Ironically (lol) she stopped locking her keys in her car when her boyfriend was out of work for a while. They lived together, so if she would have continued to lock her keys in her car, she could have just called him. (She was a visiting nurse in the area between our houses, so she'd lock her keys in her car while at a client's home.) I'll post about the 2nd stalker later...
Cripes, that's a bit shocking Poppy, and a bit creepy too that she was a Nurse. Having said that, my horrible brother has a long-term partner who is a nurse too - she is very very strange! I have had 3 stalkers, all female, kinda different situations, will outline later but need to go into town now.....not that I want to cos it soooo hot here....
Other stalker was a girl almost young enough to be my daughter (in her 20s). She moved to the area not knowing anyone, just as I did, but 2-3 years later. She became friends with her neighbor but then her neighbor moved away. Her hubby worked with mine and they started hanging out with a group of guys and their wives that we spent some time with. None of the other women liked her and were very rude to her. I had nothing in common with her but I wasn't a bitch to her like the others. Over a period of a couple of months, she and I did a few things together like go shopping in Pittsburgh, go out dancing (just the 2 of us - the only time her husband let her go "out" without him), went for a walk one time. Those types of things, but in 2-3 months time, it was only 5 or 6 "events". The more I did with her, the less I wanted to spend time with her. The couple of times we went out dancing, she hit on guys and let them buy her drinks all night and got totally wasted. (That made me understand why her hubby didn't trust her to go out without him.) She was a very pretty girl and she knew it. She got mad when I did things with other friends that didn't include her, and she tried to latch onto MY friends when I introduced them. The last time she was offended that I went out to lunch with someone else and didn't invite her (I was actually invited by my friend who never met her) I basically told her off about how things were. She had it in her head that we were best friends. This was AFTER she had already told me that I was a friend of convenience because we lived close to each other and we had similar schedules. And living close made it easy for her to call me late at night because someone needed to let their dog out because she and hubby were out partying. She knew I wouldn't say no because I'd feel bad for the dog. (Manipulative even when drunk!) That relationship ended horribly. I'm glad it ended, but she caused a lot of problems for me when it did.
Yes - both really and online. I tend to cope with the real ones rather well, considering I'm a Judo and Jujitsu black belt, grew up in London and have an uncle and dad who have been in the Paras. lol. Online ones are usually just weird or have never had sex - you can always tell because they wouldn't have a clue where to put a penis even if it had runway landing lights laid out for them. My sister (13 now) had a stalker in real life - I shoved his head through a fence. End of problem.
One of my sisters had a stalker once - a mafia guy who owned a casino in Las Vegas. She met him in a bar, and only found out this key info after she had already mentioned where her parents and sister lived. After she found out his "connections" she wanted nothing to do with him, but he was the kind of guy who doesn't take "no" for an answer. My parents and other sister got harassing phone calls. My dad installed a wrought-iron gate across the entrance to the front courtyard of their house (for all the good that would do, but I guess it made them feel better.) My sister was seeing another guy, and one morning he woke up to find his car beaten up with windows broken. Eventually the guy gave up. Luckily my sister didn't get around to mentioning me before she got the lowdown on him. Me, I'm only stalked by psychic stalkers. There is one telepathically in my mind 24/7. I cannot shake her or escape from her, and have absolutely no privacy from her, and she emotionally torments me. But I was the one who asked her in...and lots of times I enjoy her company. One makes do in situations one cannot change...at one's better moments...
I was stalked a few months back, and until I threatened to kill them MF'er the cops didn't do anything. And when they did, the stupid bastards arrested ME! I should have killed him. Last time I was stalked by a woman I invited her to my home and she found out I really would fuck her brains out and I never saw her again. Damn wimin.
Yep, numerous times. The one most recently was a girl I had met through friends. She expressed she "liked" me the day we met, and I explained that I had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship and was in no way ready for another one. Anyway, after that I saw her a couple times, and she would call my HOUSE PHONE at least 30 times a day, bothering the other members of my household. I tried to be nice, explain in the most honest and respectful way, but she didnt get it. So I basically had to verbally attack her and make her hate me to get her off my back. Kinda feel bad but she was asking for it.
Just the occasional girl or two that calls a bit too much and doesn't get the hint! One time I did get calls and texts from a girl when I was in school who I never met or even knew existed but who seemed to know a whole lot about me and would "accidentally" send pictures of herself in bathing suits and underwear. The weird thing is I never responded until a month after she had started her weird tirade and in that month she didn't once mention that she might have gotten the wrong number or that she realized I never responded.
i am currently stalking at least 13 women on this site and several in rl as well....i have crossed pink panther off my list
I had one a few months ago. It felt like it was going to be my last night alive. So I had moved down from Michigan to Sarasota, Florida and in with my friends father that I knew from MI. While there a friend I made was telling me that I should start a cleaning and organizing business because I am really good at that. My room mate was telling me about all the concierge work in the area and whatnot. So these things sounded intriguing. I had no idea how to go about setting up my own business really and was just having thoughts of doing such work along with concierge stuff swim through my mind for a while. I went with my room mate to one of his counseling appointments down town one day. Was in a fancy building, I was about finished with a book that I was thoroughly enjoying called Work Sex Money, Real Life on the Path of Mindfulness. I sat in the lobby in a comfy chair to read it. While reading a man approached me, at minimum he was 55. Not tall, kind of stocky, NY type accent, creepy mustache that I didn't really take notice of at first. Anyways he struck up conversation with me.. then asked me if I am working or not. I was not at the time. He then asked if I am interested in organizing and cleaning type stuff and also was asking concierge type questions.. if I have a valid DL or not, clean record. So when he brought up this stuff I was totally taken off guard. He asked if I'd be willing to do some work for him and that he pays generously. We exchanged numbers and he told me that he'd call in a few days after the weekend. So I was excited thinking that I might have landed a rich contact that I could get paid well doing easy work for. He called and asked if I could meet up. I was busy that night so we planned on meeting some other time. He called me before the next time we were supposed to meet up and this is when I started questioning the character of this guy. By the way he was saying things I was wondering if he was in the mafia or something and wanted me to do some kind of work for him. That questioning that I was having about the situation should have ended it for me there but I chose to meet up with him, he asked if I'd go for a walk with him and that he'd pay me for my time. I had talked with some friends about it and they didn't like it one bit. We went to StarBucks, I left my bag in my friends car and told them to get his license plate number and get a picture of him and stuff. I was sitting inside StarBucks, my friends were outside at the tables they had set up. He showed up, when he walked in it was like he didn't want anybody to see him, he wanted to get the hell out of there as quick as possible. He asked me if I was thirsty if I wanted anything, if I was hungry. I said, "No, I'm ok." Again though, another exit wasted on my part, I could have said, "No I'd rather just stay here for now." It was dark outside, somewhat chilly, I walked with him and my spidey senses started going off QUITE a bit but for some reason I went with him and got in his car. Before getting to the car he asked, "Are you warm enough, do you need a sweater or anything?" I said, "Yeah, I'm ok." So as he drove away and down the road and was asking me things, words that had no real fright factor by themselves, just trivial questions and what have you.. I was getting hostile. He wasn't asking me anything that should lead one to get agitated.. it was the energy I was getting from him. Something sinister. I was getting more and more hostile in my mind and my answers more and more short. He said eventually, not too far from where we left, "I need to get some gas.. it'll be nice to have a full tank." Those words really stuck with me. As he asked me different things ie: if I am hungry or if I am cold if I need anything.. I felt like if I would have accepted and he buy me something to eat, or give me a sweater to wear, that it was going to be my last meal.. my last ride in a car. He pulled into a gas station and I was a nervous ball of energy. I got out of the car as he was pumping and said, "I've gotta use the bathroom." He asked if I have any money, if I'm hungry, if I want anything, agitated I said, "No, I'm OK." A man had walked by when I got out of the car and asked if I could spare some change, I gave him more than he had asked for and continued in to the gas station racking my mind as to what the fuck I am going to do. I went to the bathroom door and grabbed the knob.. locked. "Shit" I thought.. and stood around for a bit and then realized you have to get the key from the counter to get in. I was debating jetting out of the gas station and taking off down the street. But how would I do it with out him seeing me? I thought about asking someone to tell me what direction he was looking at.. or telling someone that I think I am in serious trouble. As I stood there he was right outside looking through one of the windows at me.. it was a split second thing but straight HORROR movie scene. I got the key and went into the bathroom and was really freaking out thinking up a lie that I would tell him and thinking that I really don't want to have to lie but then came up with one that I was comfortable with. I was going to say, "I'm not feeling well at all, I think it was the sandwich I ate a while before you came, my friend is on her way to come get me, I'm going to go home and rest." If he would have tried to object or anything or like that I was then planning on saying, "Get the fuck away from me or I'm calling the police." I walked out of the bath room and he was standing right there in the middle of the entrance way inside the gas station. I held my thoughts and walked by him.. He said, "Sean.." and motioned that he needed to use the bathroom too. I turned around and gave him the key. "YES!!" I thought.. a chance to make a bolt for it.. but it felt too good to be true. I wasn't sure if I would be able to count on that out. I watched that bathroom door and right when it closed exited the gas station and took off running down the street for my life. I ended up finding myself walking behind a drive thru and then through a fence that had been opened up in an area. I was in a dark location with plenty of trees and as I looked around saw that I was closed in and people from the neighborhood were looking at me quizzically.. not a very good neighborhood where I was either. The only way out was back through that fence, I had tried calling my mother to tell her what was happening in the bathroom but got no service. I called my friend from underneath one of the trees in the enclosed area. I could see the street signs and gave her the coordinates and saw a restaurant beyond the fence and told her I would be there. I went back through that opening and headed back to the main road.. I did not want to be on the main road but I had no choice, it was the only way to get there. I ran, made it to the restaurant and went inside and sat in a booth adjacent to a large black man who was eating his dinner. I sunk into that booth and slid to the wall.. windows all around the building, "Shit" I thought again. I didn't want him to be able to drive by and see me through the window. I waited for my friend and prayed that he didn't come through the doors. Eventually she called and with a worried voice asked me if I was in the restaurant. I told her I was. She said, "Good, don't come out, he is in the parking lot circling around looking everywhere." I ran down the street from that gas station!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not five feet.. down the street. He must have really drove around looking for me during the time that he realized I was not around. It was like he could smell me or something. She told me when it was safe and I got in her car and we left and it was over.. all besides the fact that he still had my phone number. I had disassembled my phone battery and all hoping that I would not be able to get his voice mails if I had it like that because I did not want to hear his voice. I thought it would be angry. I got the voice mails. He was not hostile sounding. The first one went something like, "Hey Sean, it's Jim, you must've walked around the corner or something.. just wondering if you're ok.." The next one said, "Hey Sean, it's Jim, you know I just wanna give you some money, I just wanna give you some money, you look like you could use some.. give me a call back.." A couple more like that.. creepy as hell trying to bait me with promises of "money" and saying he hopes I'm ok. One was saying that he finished going on that walk that he wanted to take with me. Afterward a gay friend of mine had said that he probably just wanted to prostitute me. I told him that I have been hit on by older men and the like before and assured him that it wasn't that. Maybe rape and murder then throwing me off the bridge he wanted me to walk with him on. Or murder then rape, not sure which would have been first. I had never felt like that before.. it was going to be my last night alive.. if not that then I was going to have to fight for my life trying to keep it. He called sporadically afterward, I never talked to him again and eventually got a new number and moved out of Sarasota because things didn't work out with me living with that guy. Months after that I stumbled upon that movie, "Freeway Killer" and realized that he kind of looked like William Bonin the Freeway Killer.. except this guy "Jim" was just a bit creepier looking.
I'm not sure what you mean by psychologically manipulative versus physical. I was stalked once by a guy I dated for a couple of months. I broke up with him and then a few days later I was coming home after a late night out when I saw someone pull slowly out of my neighbor's driveway on a motorcycle. My ex had a motorcycle but I didn't realize it was him at the time. I did get a chill as I passed the motorcycle but I didn't really think anymore about it until I got inside and got a text from him saying "You were out late tonight, what were you doing out so late??" That was one of the strangest feelings I've ever experienced...knowing that he had been sitting in my neighbor's driveway for who knows how long, just waiting on me. For a few weeks after that he would show up in random places where I was. He started calling my friends all the time, basically stalking them too to find out where I would be at any given moment. Then I threatened a restraining order and it stopped. This guy is married now and I sometimes wonder if his wife has any clue that he's slightly psychotic.
Only slightly 'eh? It's no big deal then :tongue: That is majorly creepy though. I don't really relate with such behavior. When ever I realized someone wanted nothing to do with me that was my cue to not waste my time anymore. I guess that might be a key point.. the amount of time it takes to realize that the other person wants nothing to do with you. Stalkers tend to not realize it for a long time. I have asked a girl out before and she said she would like to but was lying because she didn't want to give me the straight answer and so when I found out that she really wanted nothing to do with me I felt like an absolute fool. I have likely projected neediness a bit more than once but never had a hard time getting the hint that there aint nothing there.
