Is it really bad to be "too responsive?"

You know how they always say you get taken advantage of if you're too friendly, or too nice, or too whatever.

Sometimes i notice my facebook or text responses can get fairly long or emotively friendly and personal if I don't watch myself. No doubt a direct result of my personality type, prone to gung-ho friendliness and openness right off the bat (unless people give me a reason to be closed off, but that's rarely the case).

Was never good at being 'noncholant,' or short-answer texts (how do ppl do that??) but I wonder am I wasting my time trying to limit this?

Is it really off-setting when a friend or aqquantance you casually trade messages with gives too much?

I'd very much like to stop feeding into this society-constructed bs mannerism (if it is indeed the case).

I can see some truth in it though... At least from a sense of assumed power. You are displaying yourself as far too much of an equal too early thus relinquishing any 'power' or 'yet-to-be-determined' strength you may or may not have had from the other person.

What do you guys think? Where do you fall in all this?
Can I be an open friendly hippy to everyone and not risk being dismissed or not respected? :sunny:

 

i couldnt see how it would be too much of a problem, certainly wouldn't annoy me, although it might make some impatient, i'd have thought that the only real issue would be that it places pressure on the receiver of the text or message to respond in kind, and they may just not be "there" yet, may not have the time, or just don't like text as a medium of communication of more "deep" thought. different strokes for different folks. maybe try to emulate the style or length of the person you are communicating with if you feel anxious, as that is obviously the manner and pace in which they feel comfortable communicating, but i wouldnt concern yourself too much about it.

 

I catch myself out with this too, it seems.

But for me, it's either give all or nothing.

I'm quite introverted. Not necessarily shy, but I do enjoy my own company.

But when it does come round to interacting with a human being, it can only be genuine and complete.

I can't do small talk. Or false emotion. Or any of that crap.
Maybe sometimes I go too far. I think, "Gosh, I bet I'm boring them to death. They don't want to hear half this stuff..." or something along those lines.

I don't know. I guess I'm just either an extremely weird friendly stranger... or just like...

 

Same here.

 

I'm similar.
I force myself to tone it down and it is much more socially acceptable. I don't lie or assume a different personality, I just don't engage myself that much. I've always struggled socially, after years of practice I'm OK, but in the beginning I would often pretend as if I didn't remember people's names so as not to seem as if I cared too much

Someone once told me they didn't like a guy cause he was too friendly. I thought it was weird, and I didn't think there was anything wrong with the person in question, but as it turned out, a lot of people didn't like that guy.

No - at least not by everyone. I personally find such personalities refreshing and it makes me want to give more of myself, but I'm a weirdo, even when dialed back :tongue:

So I guess it depends on what sort of people you want to cultivate relationships with, and whether you think it's acceptable to compromise your personality even slightly for a chance to connect with more people.

 

I also pretend to not recognise people because I never forget a face as people may not remember exactly who I am or find me for always being clingy for approaching them all the time.

My former girl I think acted really mean towards me, it seems, precisely because she found me too nice. The nicer I was the more edgy she seemed to become and I felt like asking her what her problem was. I WAS ONLY BEING NICE. CALL THE FBI, IF THAT BOTHERS YOU, BITCH.

 

Be yourself, do what feels right to you. Let genuinely aloof or nonchalant people be aloof and nonchalant. It makes me feel very good to hear that you'd very much like to "stop feeding into this society-constructed bs mannerism" (because I think it has become a bit too fashionable). If it weren't for people like you, the human race would eventually aloof itself into absolute alienation and despair.

 

Personally, I find long-winded monologues off-putting. I like to deal with people who seem concerned about my own reactions, and match my level of sharing.

People who call me a bunch of times for instance, before I`m able to return their call strike me as clingy. Red flag. In online exchanges, likewise, if someone sends me blocks of text in answer to my one-liners, I may be creeped out.

In person, I also like my interlocutor to give me a chance to speak. And to ask me questions, as well as speak about themselves concisely. So, there`s give and take. And, most of all, I like others to be aware of my physical space.

And, in all cases, I like to feel as though I`m making a choice when I am dealing with people. Rather than like it`s something that is being put upon me.

That is why, when I`m first meeting someone, it`s important to me that there be a step-ladder we climb in near tandem. So, I can basically gauge whether or not I`ll have my boundaries respected.

 

Cherea, that's awfully a lot of ego babysitting. What do you give back as also an equal responsible member of your interactions?

Perhaps you fitting the personality I feel like I struggle with, what's wrong with skipping ladders and having genuine 1-to-1 conversation (if you hit it off) right from the bat? Is it.. akward? Uncomfortable? You feel it doesn't give you enough control to be the conducter of the relationship? (I have a theory this is what really is going on).

YES. And I agree. - thanks :daisy:

Ya know, if one was to read just this line, this would sound like ridiculous behavior!

But then you see it pop up again! What a crazy society we live in.

Thus the dilemna. Do people pull back or presume to not giving a fuck with someone who is already too nice or giving everything away? Does everyone here generally agree that aloofness and noncholant-ness is key to this behind-the-scenes power struggle?

Hah, same. When you get two of us together, it's automatic peace. It's a shame that open-ness and friendly courtesy to anyone who doesn't prove to be a threat is considered weird or something that should be dialed back.

 

if someone answers only with one liners, they probably arent interested in the conversation...

and some people just arent the talking type you know, no need to limit what you say to look uninterested

the way i see it, relationships with people isnt about 'power struggle', if you talk and talk and call and call and they don't call back... they aren't interested go find someone else

 

I don't think anyone in this thread talks and talks and calls and calls. Talking about much more subtle and mature interactions than someting that obvious.

 

I am willing, and try and give everything that I demand in return.

Skipping rungs in the ladder is a dangerous game. Why don`t we start by grabbing each other`s asses? Who`s to say how far we should skip?

Well, chances are, even if I think you`re pretty cute, I will be creeped out if there weren`t steps leading up to that. Eye contact, smiling, etc.

Likewise in conversation. If you start having long-winded monologues about your potty habits (under the pretext of being genuine) before I know what your hobbies are, for instance, we`ve got a problem.

Many a guy have tripped and fallen trying to reach the top a little too soon.

 

I think a lot depends on the person you are dealing with.
Some people feel smothered easily, and others almost need someone to be the open chatty instant friend to even feel they can come out of their shell..

Me, personally- I tend to thrive on the long answer texter friends.
I often feel like if it weren't for gung-ho friendly open people who demanded my friendship , I would have no friends at all..

 

After so long though you and your friend should know each other so well a well placed "Dude..." easily gets the point across you shouldn't have to elaborate.

 

I have had a similar problem all my life. I was raised to communicate with people, respect people, understand them all that bullshit. I have always been late to the social fads like Facebook and I have never understood them. To me, there's nothing like a good one on one conversation that lasts for hours. The subject can be about everything or nothing. Story time...
I asked the girl I like today what she likes. I said it could be anything. She said she didn't like much of anything at all. 'How sad', I thought. I guess there's not much of her to like then. I guess I'll be moving on from her.

Bottom line we need those long winded in depth conversations with good friends and good people. Not everyone cares about feelings and the truth though man, it's just the way it goes. It's great to hear that some people still practice healthy communication skills with others!

 

I can get long-winded, due to two factors (maybe more?):

I believe in disclosure, and transparency. I don't believe progress can be made, either technologically, or socially, without transparency. Otherwise, you're just left with superficial political dynamics, which are, to me, very unsatisfying, and tend to promulgate falsehood.

I haven't used the word "promulgate" in my whole life, as far as I can recall.

Anyway,,I believe in openness.

Also, I believe in progress, and making advances, socially and technologically, which reverts back to the first reason. I don't believe in just "making friends", for the sake of having a "collection of friends" (ala "Facebook").

So, of my own choice, whether it's appreciated or not, I tend to open up and divulge things, just so people can get a "fix" on me, on who I am, and not be left guessing.

I was an electrician for 25 years, and the first thing you do is to "open up the situation", to see what's going on. Without taking a thorough look at what the situation is, you can get killed, in that field. So, it has become my habit, to open up a situation, rather than simply treat it superficially.

 

sure, but still... if someone answers only with one liners, they probably arent interested in the conversation...

 

I'm kind of both ends of the spectrum. I wouldn't call myself open at all - I actually agree with Cherea in that its good to react off someone and match them when first opening up to someone. and I don't really trust people that reveal too much personal information too quickly. It makes me wonder why they trusted me that quickly and if they trust everyone that quickly.

It can take a really long time for someone to get to know me because I'm not going to give out a lot of personal information unless I can trust someone not to judge me and that trust can take a long time to build.

However, I am very friendly. I'm not closed off to others at all; I can make instant friends but I'm not going to take the friendship to a deeper level until I develop more trust.

I've noticed that people are usually put off by my friendliness for about two seconds and then they warm up to me. Initially I kind of get a reaction like, "whoa, why is this girl smiling at me like this and I don't even know her? People aren't supposed to be this friendly," but then they realize I'm actually being sincerely nice and 9 times out of 10 people are nice back.

I'm pretty sensitive to others' emotions. If someone is my friend I don't want to do anything to hurt their feelings so when it comes to texting someone like you were talking about in the OP I can be long-winded simply because I don't want someone to wonder why I'm being short with them lol. Its silly.

I'm pretty succint and blunt when it comes to a subject that really matters to me though. Why waste time with bullshit when I can cut straight to the point?

I say just be yourself and not worry about it. Everyone is different. The world needs people like you to keep spinning.

 

I really like open people that share their thoughts and feelings with me. It only bothers me that I find it really hard to react in kind to them because I am really awkward and nervous.

But really, just be yourself and if someone doesn't like it then that is their problem. Not everyone is going to like your style, but you just gotta be true to yourself.