I want to run away and join a monastery.

Very good advice in this thread. I have felt the same way as the OP.

There is no where to hide. No where to run to.
Be still and chill.

Ultimately we realize that we are our own refuge.

 

There are lots of good reasons to join a monastery.

We are all bodhisattvas in embryo.

 

Your disgusted you say? You need more discipline and insight.

 

Don't waste your life wanting. Do for others.

 

Exactly. It'll all come back to you one way or the other.

 

I haven't represented myself in a good way, with the words I've used. But I have a strong desire for enlightenment. I want to live the monastic life, as a layperson there are so many distractions. I've realized that running away won't help, I will meditate at home and fast to simulate monastery life. Im waiting for when I'm finally able to become a novice and eventually a monk.

 

desiring enlightenment is like fighting for peace (or, as on a rather clever shirt i saw once, "fucking for virginity")

however, everyone travels in their own way, so all the best to you on the route you follow

:sunny:

 

Not really, many monks think desire is fine if its for enlightenment. Desire for things that can cause attachment is when its a problem.

 

It's called the "karma that leads to the end of karma."

Even a small amount of reading into Buddhism would educate you about skillful intention, databunny.

 

step #1: change username to "I want to live in monastery"




lol, just kidding. may you find what you truly seek.

 

Interesting post. Do you think it was skillful?

In my tradition: The monk's desire for enlightenment is absolutely no different from any other attachment and one is meant to drop that desire

This is a topic that's brought up often. Primarily because it almost seems contrary to do something (Shikantaza) without a purpose. This raises what appears to be paradox's. And one could dismiss it with a simple phrase but that is contrary to my own education that taught me to examine what my motives are because even a skilled monk can bring attachment to the cushion on occasion.

 

thank you raga mala, i take your point about intention. but i realise i'm not explaining myself very well either, with all these gnomic zen utterances. so i'll have another try, because

OP, your original post impacted me; in my past i felt exactly as you do, using all the same words to describe what i was after and what was bothering me about my life and circumstance. please understand, i'm not trying to change your mind with this post, i'm just presenting a viewpoint i wish i'd known about at that chaotic, unhappy time. you are free to read, or not, as you wish.

i found a book edited by josh baran (who spent 6 years as a zen monk) "nirvana 365 - living every moment in enlightenment." it was extremely helpful. all the pieces in it tend towards the advaita (nonduality) idea of reality, and suggest that enlightenment is not a state dependent upon a particular location, life circumstance, set of practises or experiences. it - if you can even say "it," is a perceptional shift, available to everyone at any moment. with that sort of vision, all those distractions, all the circumstances that pushed you to "seek" in the first place, are seen for what they are and cease to be distracting at all; the seeking drops away and you experience moment by moment life - just ordinary life - for the extraordinary event it is.

there is another saying:
"before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water;
after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."

anyway, so i've said a bit more, because i've known the space you're in. it doesn't "feel" very good, and that is what pushes the person to escape to something that seems calmer, more tranquil, less distracting. but the truth is, you are - we are all - already in the monastery of life itself; every moment is your training, every distraction is your teacher, every day is filled with the possiblity of seeing clearly, whether you are in a bank queue or the himalayas.

 

indeed. this too, an interesting post, a shining post. :sunny:

 

My slant on Buddhism has always been a bit old-fashioned. I apologize for seeming curt. Although later Mahayana thinkers incorporated much wisdom from non-dual yogic thought, in the old Canon the Buddha is not quite so mystical. It is taught that, of course, in later phases the monk must abandon desire even for Nibbana, just as one must abandon the raft upon reaching the bank of the river. However, one must, through intention, set the raft on its way toward the desired bank. One must perform the kammas that will result in eventual liberation. The Buddha taught that cultivating the proper attitude toward enlightenment is very difficult with a householder's life. Of course, an enlightened mind would be enlightened mind anywhere and everywhere, but for someone with samvega (the earnest desire to escape samsara) but who has not yet rid themselves of the klesas, it is sometimes necessary to find an environment which will ease and promote spiritual development (kind of a Buddhist version of set-&-setting ). That is why the Buddha established and promoted the Bhikkhu Sangha, and ordained the Vinaya, in the first place. Although it may be one's personal belief, it is hard to argue from a Buddhist standpoint that desire for Enlightenment OR a monastic means of attempting to reach it are invalid, since the Buddha himself taught both.

 

thank you again for your words, raga mala. certainly those routes are not invalid. my experience of practising vipassana meditation allowed me to feel how the atmosphere of the retreat centre was much "easier" than the everyday world, allowing a deeper contemplative life. i am just encouraged, and wish to share that encouragement, that it is also possible (admittedly more challenging in many ways) to lead such a life outside of the retreat.

 

wanting shit is the root of all suffering, L2P NUB!!!

 

Just saying I don't know why I said bodhisattva, I guess I was in the moment. I don't "believe" in bodhisattvas. It's bullshit to me. The reason that I have such desire for enlightenment is that my surroundings and family make it impossible for me to live the way I want to live. I want to live the life depicted in The Mindful Way. A 20min documentary about forest monks Thailand who follow the traditional monastic ways. One meal a day, alms, etc. I really love their monastery and have yet to see one like that in the U.S . I honestly believe that if I keep living where I live, I will never reach enlightenment. So you're probably wondering, why are you so impatient? The government controls everything and does what ever it wants with us, the earth is running out of resources, and there are many scenarios that could happen right now that could kill me/multiple people. I'm far from paranoid but I'm very realistic. I don't think longevity is possible because I live in america and I live in America at this time. The human realm will end soon( by soon I mean 1-100 years) I know it. It will take forever for another organism to evolve to a level of consciousness that humans have. And that's me being optimistic, there is no guarantee that an organism will reach the level of humans again. Then enlightenment will be impossible. And who knows what if the other realms(I'm not sure if they exist in theravada) have come to an end by the hand of ignorance already? That is why I'm in such a rush for enlightenment.

 

If you have any idea of what you are talking about here, then you are already enlightened.
You cannot exceed the boundaries that you chose for yourself.

 

All life is like an ember dying out in the night.

'Enlightenment' is a part of your being, just be mindful of it.

Before running away from anything, look at it for one last time. I like doing this in difficult circumstances. Just look at the whole thing, the entire drama. It's all going to be over anyways, so just look at it as it really is. If you concentrate on the feeling of freedom and detachment while observing, certain realizations are made. Mostly it's an observation that there is nothing to run away from. Because everything is already disappearing, impermanence.

Also I feel there is no better monastery than nature, though it is important to be open-minded to everyone and listen.