I have been hugely shocked today. One of my closest friends has been somewhat judgemental today. I need to give some background... (I am really rather upset/emotional) ...but may take me a while... When I first started doing voluntary work I realised (aged 19) that it was a very humanistic way forward to 'see' people in a real way - being non judgemenatal nor directive was the way forward for me. This led me into a profession that I am proud of. Matey lost his wife suddenly some 8 weeks ago - I have supported him since the day he got home and called me on phone when he found his 39 year old wife had passed. I have been there for him from the very next day, organizing funeral with him and filling all paperwork etc, seeing lawyers, just having him sign his signature. He has been and expressed appreciation BUT I a lil pissed. I have been decorating his lounge room for last week or so - starting to get a bit frustrated tbh. Here's the important bit for me.... I not smoked for like 2 years - matey asked me to continue painting but also look after his appartment and feed/water/look after his 2 cats whilst he goes to festival this friday/come back late sunday/early monday. My FO deal is he went apeshit when I said something along the lines of... bring me back a souvenir - a bit of gear/mary...... He kicked off abt drugs - Jeez - he smokes tabacco and drinks alcohol (not a lot) but it's like a kick in the face with a brick. I not said abt my own stuff but hey - he knows it and, tbh, I feel really rather devalued - sorry not been able to give more details - that would have doubled the post. I do feel better getting this off my chest - if you would like to comment then thank you so much. Little Billskidog asking to go in garden so will do that. Thank you for listening/reading x
I am so pleased I joined this forum - I feel ok here to expose myself in all my nakedness - when I say that it, for me, about being 'naked' on a mental level not physical level
Vent away! I totally understand how you're feeling. Been there. But do keep in mind that HE might not be in his right mind due to the loss of his wife. However, don't let yourself be taken advantage of. Hopefully this attitude of his is temporary, but people do change... I'd suggest removing yourself from the situation a bit. Be there for him for moral support, but don't go overboard when it comes to actually DOING things for him. JMO, FWIW!
Sounds like deflecting his discomfort about what you asked him to do. I wouldn't take it too seriously unless you feel he has a point.
Grief hits people in all kinds of ways. There really is no telling from here what your friend is going through. If you are being hurt then maybe you are giving more than you can afford to give. When I give to others I don't have expectations that the other person should do anything for me. I would hope that if you promised to care for the cats, that you would do at least that. Maybe it is time to stop doing some of the other things.
Thanks for your comments - and yes I was asking for some weed - and I would have been happy to pay for it but hey ho not an option obviously! In fact matey said that if anyone came up to him whilst he was there this weekend and offered him some he would chin them (punch them)! Which I think is a tad extreme! But perhaps that gives an insight into how he feels about 'drugs'. Anyway thanks
You gotta be careful when talking drugs with certain people. You're a very generous person for helping him though. Don't take it to bad. If you'd have asked for a shirt or something he might have brought you three.
tell him. sometimes people are fucking clueless how selfish and assholey they are "Hey I've been a great friend to you this whole time. Taking care of your ish when I can. Don't blast on me 'cuz I want to enjoy some mary. You have no right."
Yup. Not everyone is so open minded. It is usually pretty easy to out-logic staunch anti-drug drinkers/smokers, but whether any of your logic will sink in is another matter.. You could tell him to have a look at this website: http://www.livescience.com/11343-top-10-bad-good.html Otherwise there are lots of studies (google) that will show with no uncertainty how much more harmful tobacco or alcohol is than marijuana and other stigmatized drugs. Kudos on being a good human being and helping your friend, he is lucky to have you - from your description, luckier than he knows. But as was pointed out, he is going through a very rough time in his life. It is possible that he just wants to lash out at something or someone and feel justified about it.
i'm "somewhat judgmental" EVERY day. when people are thoughtless or harassing, no matter what they may or may not be using as an excuse for doing so. i wouldn't want to see anyone go to jail for what they possess or consume, but if they're going to act like assholes because of it, or for any other reason, for THAT they should be.
