About 4 years ago I was sexually assaulted/raped by a guy. He has never been arrested or anything. I see him around a fair bit as he lives in my town. Since that time I've become a prisoner. I'm too frightened I'll see him to go anywhere. I've developed anxiety, depression, an eating disorder and I'm suspecting a touch of PTSD because of all of this. I just go to the bare minimum of college and work. I can't walk anywhere on my own. Unless I have a drink or something to calm my nerves before going out. I really don't want to have to have a beer to walk down the street but I don't know what else to do. I saw him the other day in a shop I had never seen him in before and I nearly passed out. I was so sick and couldn't stop crying. I feel like life is passing me by and he's winning. I'm not in a position to move because I'm in college atm. I am on an anti-depressant which has helped a bit but I just can't do anything else... I dnt know what to do...any advice?
Contact a rape-crisis center. NOW. And then let them notify the authorities and help you begin to heal. You have a long journey ahead. The longer you put it off, the harder your travels will be. Peace, love and hugs...
I think we need a little more background on this. Did you report him at the time? What happened? Are your anxieties more recent or did they build over time? How big of a town is it? What is your history with him? Did you know him or were you strangers at the time? You should definitely contact a women's shelter or sexual abuse center. They aren't just there to work with the law or spout off propaganda. You may find great counselors, friends with similar problems, and definitely people that understand what you're going through and will be able to help you. This isn't just about him; bad things happen, there are bad people out there -- hopefully someday they will get theirs and/or reform. But it's about you -- you can't keep living your life like this; there is a light, there are solutions; but there's always steps to take before you can get anywhere. Just Google it real quick. If your area doesn't have any shelters, your school should have counselors, and there are online resources, chat rooms, call services as well.
Good advice and good questions,Duck. I'm wondering how and where this bad event happened. Were you just jerked off the street? Were you at a party or some gathering? Did the authorities think it happened with your consent? I'm not trying to make you feel worse than you do,but I don't understand why the cops can't do anything.
I didn't report him at the time. I was drunk and confused about what had happened. He let me believe he really liked me. So I went back to him. He was just using me for sex. I just lay there and let him do what he wanted. He used to bite me till I bled and would cover my mouth so I couldn't scream. I wanted to die. I thought if I kept going back and getting hurt like that I would finally have the courage to kill myself...but I didn't. We worked together. I saw him all the time. I would cry in work because he was always talking about women and stuff.I reported him after a while because I couldn't take it anymore. I just got laughed at and was told there was nothing they could do for me. I think my anxieties have gotten worse. I was sick with anorexia and drinking a lot for two years after this and the more weight I've gained and the more I have "recovered" from my eating disorder, the more crippled with anxiett I have become. My town is quite small and I see him all over it. I have tried to reach out to counselling but I have a panic attack when I get outside the counselling place...
You NEED to leave that town and start a life elsewhere and get the counciling. I don't think that the situation will change where you are. Save your money and GET OUT. He's not going to pay for his shitty behaviour unless you have a friend that will fuck him up. You've suffered enough.
I want to move. I know that even if I move away from my family and friends in my hometown that I'll still be looking over my shoulder expecting to see him. Because I'd have to stay in the County my university is in. I'm saving to study medicine after this degree. I would love to get out of Ireland completely and move somewhere else. America would be the dream. But I don't know how realistic that is. I've been so tempted to mess him up myself believe me. I've been so close.
Hi OceanStar, I'm sorry that this happened to you. You may want to check out this link for Women's Aid http://www.womensaid.ie/links/vawsupport/ * Women's Aid National Freephone Helpline 1800 341 900 (Open 10am to 10pm, 7 days a week, except Christmas Day) * National Rape Crisis Helpline 1800 778 888 (operated by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre) it might help if you could meet with a survivor's group to get some support You might be able to carry pepper spray or some other defensive weapon. You might want to take a class for self-defense against rape.
Vigilante justice. Look for the Neighborhood thugs amongst your friends and get all info on them before you ask. Either do 1 of 2, get a unregistered gun(stops the police in there tracks.) Or get someone to do it for you. We don't need people like that in our gene pool ruining life for good people.. Goodluck.
If the police can't or won't do anything about this, then sadly, I feel the burden is mostly on you to find some way to work through it and reclaim your life. As others have said the journey will be long and difficult. But maybe you can try to gather as many supportive people as possible to be around them, know them, and try to trust that they will keep you safe while you try to go out into the world. The last thing I or anyone else would want is for you to become totally isolated; then the scumbag wins. He doesn't deserve that and neither do you. If I can say nothing else, it's this: the journey will be difficult, but it is not impossible! Faith
I'm pretty sure if some girl posted up papers around my college saying this guy raped her there would be a mob of angry people going after him that same night. I suggest you do something like that.
Please don't take this the wrong way but, this doesn't sound like rape to me. He sounds like a sadistic asshole, yes... he sounds like he used you, yes... but idk about rapist. Of course, there may be more that you're not telling and I'm sure it's complicated. It seems like you have a lot of issues, in general. You're in school, which means you're keeping it together... so that's definitely a good thing, but I would advise that you talk to someone. Antidepressents are just a bandaid. Does your school have a counseling center? Do you have a friend who can take you? There's no rule that says you have to enter a counseling center alone. There's also no rule that you have to get deep during the first session. The first step is just walking through that door. The first session can simply be a discussion about how difficult it was for you to make yourself see a counselor. Like I said, no need to get deep, that will happen with time and trust in the process. I just sense there are things going on with you that go way beyond that asshole.
