Hi This is complicated so bear with me..and no judgements please.. I am 40 and so far during life have only have relationships with men but have been fantasising about women since I was a teenager but never found someone to act it out on LOL!! Infact I am married and love my husband but in the way you love an old pair of comfortable slippers! Get my meaning!! Anyway to cut a long story short I have become friends with a much younger woman who is 24 and straight. But we get on soooo well together. We have exactly the same sense of humour, love being silly, have loads in common despite our age difference. We see each other loads. Anyway I have really bad feelings for her - not sure if it is a crush but to me it feels like love! We text all the time, we tell each other we love each via text and we have a lot of eye contact and I am very touchy feely with her. I swear I am not imagining it but I think there is something there but I am way to scared to try anything. The other night we went out drinking. I was drunk (she had only a couple) but I was resting my head on her shoulder and she was stroking my hair and holding my hand and she actually said 'we look like a couple of lesbians' LOL. We have spent the night together on 3 occasions when we have been out and I have used the 'pretence' of being too drunk to make it home (she doesn't drink much so getting her drunk to ease the situation is a no go!!) and we have spooned each other and slept face to face (only centimetres apart!) - the self control not to kiss her! Anyway what to do.. I daren't make a move incase I have got it all wrong and I ruin a great friendship. I don't think that she would try anything as she assumes that I am happily married and being a lot younger tends to let me take the lead on everything anyway. Please don't judge me and tell me it is a silly crush and to get over it. I love the girl and think about her constantly.. Advice..sympathy etc please..:juggle:
Be honest with her if your feelings are that strong, then go from there. And be honest with yourself, it sounds to me like she is into you but is afraid to make the first move. Good luck and come back and let us know how it turns out please.
I say from what you just said...GO FOR IT!!!! If you love each other, make the move. AGE IS JUST A NUMBER! Dont worry about what will happen just kiss her already, and if she rejects you she rejects you but I dont think she will after what you told us. If she does, then yeah it will be hard but Im sure you will work it out
Why don't you try kissing her at the time you are both drunk. If she rejects, it's still not the big problem cos both of you are not sober at all! And please let us know how everything is now.
Though you're relationship with this female sounds exciting, warm and fuzzy, you cannot forget the fact that you have a husband. to disregard this persons feelings would be harsh and almost unforgivable. So if you truly feel like you need a change, you must deal with your current relationship first. This girl, if shes any good should not take kindly to a cheating wife. Im sure you've fantasized many times about what it would be like to touch her lips with yours, but you must bring yourself back to reality and know that at 24, one is still experimenting and having fun. In my opinion relationships at the age of 24 aren't suppose to last, they are meant for experimenting and fun. Then again some people disagree entirely with me, and would love to find their "soul mate" as soon as possible to spend the rest of their life with, as partners in crime. if that is what you believe. Whatever you believe, you are taking a chance. All that I can advise, is that if you plan on taking your relationship with this girl on the next level, first deal with your husband. He does not deserve to be cheated on, and you will feel better for it. You don't seem to be in love with him anyways, so perhaps this is a good chance to do some experimenting of your own. Just don't be sneaky and manipulative about it, because that will just end negatively for everyone. Good Luck!
Maybe you should go up to her and say, hey I'm just wondering, do you possibly have any romantic feelings for me? Then say, It's cool if you do or don't but I just wanted you to know I have sort of a little crush on you. If she gets all weirded out by it then just say you won't act on your feelings and will be satisfied by continuing the friendly relationship you already have. I agree with DylanClaude that you should say something to the husband about all this.
if you love your husband like a comfortable pair of slippers, does he happen to realize that? Definitely deal with that first because quite frankly it sounds like you're not too concerned for how he will feel about all this. also, if you are not getting signals from this friend, and only get her to be bi-curious when drunk... sorry but that's not a good indicator. Age is a huge factor too, especially if you are old enough to be her mother. Women do experiment at that age. if you are serious about giving up your "old slippers" for what might turn out to be nothing but a ruined friendship, a hurt husband who leaves you, and alone realizing you're maybe in some midlife crisis, you really need to seek some therapy imho. Have you been able to get any signals when not drinking? Because drinking clouds judgment. It looks like a whole thread of advice that goes from bad to worse.
Sorry for the rant, but it pissed me off hearing some of this moronic advice given to you; seems to be given with no consideration of how bad people are hurt by infidelity... I don't care what gender: unless you have an open relationshipmagreement, don't cheat! key point: figure out your stuff carefully even if that takes time. Be sincere and decisive when you approach your husband. do what's right for you, but ALWAYS be careful to at least TRY not to hurt people... Don't let lust over some kid half your age blind you, and stay honest for heaven's sake!
The problem is (I agree) that you are already in the relationship. You DO need to stay honest. And chucking in a relationship it turns out you DO actually want could be bad for you too. Not judging, just saying real people can get permanently hurt by spontaneous impulsive things and one of those people might even turn out to be you (experience talking). The age thing is difficult to say. I don't think big age gaps are always bad (I have a bias here too), but age gaps are usually a warning that you need to be very careful and honest because it could be problematic. People at different stages of their life might want and expect different things. So I wouldn't say don't go with a 16 year old gap, just be very very careful. And do consider and resolve what to do re your husband. Being true to your "self" shouldnt mean casually walking over someone else.
I was in this situation when i was 19...in your situation i would be the 24 year old. She was 32 and married and i was young and stupid. We started talking everyday and one day she made a move on me. Up until this time, i didn't realize yet that i like women. From there on we became inseparable. I fell fast and hard and she kept making promises that we were going to be together. Being naive, i believed everything. Then one day after 8 months she told me she was divorcing her husband. I couldn't have been happier. I thought everything she told me was going to come true. Until she crushed me with the news that she was leaving me also, for no reason other than she wanted this other guy. She couldn't give me reasons, said i didn't deserve it, she still loved me, but she liked him because he was different. The point of me telling you this is that it has been about 6 years ago and i still think about it. The hurt from that relationship, being my first real relationship, took me a year to deal with. Nobody should be hurt like that. If you want to take a chance with her, fine, but take care of your marriage first. Don't make her promises you can't keep. I hope this helps
what ever happened to Muppet22? 2 posts and never came back. Well, at least she maybe wont see some of the dumb "go for it - sh*t all over your husband, who cares" advice some are giving. just hoping she didnt get scared off or "went for it" then depressed and in crisis or looney bin after screwing up her life, and lives of at least 2 others affected in this scenario. Uh, Muppet? u there still? R we talkin to ourselves now for the heck of it, or do u still want/need feedback?
