Losing It

Grateful for this Mental Health Sector and the fact that it can't keep me locked away.

I uncovered last night that there is a facet of me that makes me feel like I am never going to make it in the realm of being fully self supporting.

It seems like it is never going to happen.

I have to uncover these things or else I'll not be aware of them and it will help perpetuate self destructive patterns.

Kind of loathing where I am right now, feel stuck.

I want to run away and hide but I have no where to do so.

Losing it; patience, acceptance, self esteem.

 

Going to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Despite any uncomfortable emotion I experience there
is a well of reassurance inside of me.

A beautiful thing.

 

That's right. Keep looking for that other something inside of yourself which is inspired and determined.

I'm almost 52 years old and the self-defeating talk still rattles around in my head from time to time.

Don't let that talk exist in there by itself. Listen to the voice that knows dark thoughts will come and go but not rule you.

 

You are a beautiful person with amazing things to offer this world. I know a mind as overwhelmingly loving and grateful and strong as yours can overcome the feelings that may bring you down. Keep looking inside yourself for the motivation, it's hard to find sometimes, gets lost under the not so happy thoughts, but its there. And always remember that you are eternally loved

 

I found that it helps to kinda separate negative and positive thoughts.
I've given negative and positive thoughts a "character", kinda like the whole angel and devil on your shoulder thing. It helps because I find I can isolate the thoughts I don't want to have because I "see" them as those different characters.. and to put it bluntly, you can tell them to fuck off.
It's hard to explain, but that's the essence of it. It's got me out of a few hairy experiences whilst tripping as well, so it's worth a shot

 

can you give more detail?

 

dont worry about anything, theres so many things you can do if you ever want to leave.

 

More detail from MeatyMushroom or from me?

 

Thank you all :daisy:

It is really amazing, I have dealt with this kind of thing, recurring as Aerianne was talking about.. and the emotions used to be sooooooo overpowering. To the point where my mind would be screaming, "You need to kill yourself."

Hasn't been anything like that, much more mild as of late.
I am better able to just notice it, face it, and try to avert it rather than indulging in self pity and spinning into cycles that have brought nothing for me in the past but more misery.

Thank the stars

 

I like this. I'm going to turn mine into the little cartoon devil and angel on my shoulder things. Maybe I can get a chuckle out of myself instead of getting sucked in.

 

It is like your sig. Love and Fear.

I have to remind myself that I have a choice in that matter.

 

It really is true. You can take any action and break it down far enough to see if it was motivated by Love or Fear.

I need to apply that process more often to the thoughts kicking around inside my head. I think that would be illuminating.

 

There is definitely a lot of fear going on with me but at the same time a lot of love..

May I examine my mind in all actions,
and as soon as a negative state occurs,
since it endangers myself and others,
may I firmly face and avert it.
-His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

 

Hang onto your balance, Dude. You're going to be great.

 

Well I don't actually visualise the "character", it's kinda more of a "personality". When any bad thoughts pop up it's due to the the "negative personality".. I don't like that personality. It makes me do stupid shit without thinking properly cos I'm too obsessed with making myself miserable, so I make it go sit in an abstract psychological corner and face an abstract psychological wall.

But yeah man, you're almost completely in control of your mind.. If some bad shit happens, it's happened. There's no point worrying over something that there's no hope of ever changing, the only thing you can change is your attitude towards that event - so tell the negative personality to fuck off because he's cramping your style and get round to enjoying life.

 

:sunny:

I can relate with being obsessed with making myself miserable.
It is crazy what we put ourselves through mostly as a result of not being in control of our minds.
Sometimes one can be totally ravaged by it but at other points have a clear choice and choose to indulge in misery for no reason other than being more accustomed (addicted maybe) to those negative emotions.

Thank you. I am glad to have some bit of awareness today.

 

oh, from you.

 

How do you mean exactly?

 

well, in other words, it's necessary to know what is wrong in order to make recommendations.

I can give you some general info on dealing with depression, maybe also some thoughts on how to become unstuck.

 

it's good to see i'm not the only one who has little people on their shoulders yelling in their ears lol