GF lied about her sexual past

If I'd have told the truth and said mommy looked like a cow it would have hurt her feelings.
So you see, Max... I have.. To lie.

 

Is that really a mature way to think? :/

I’ve been in this situation twice. One was during my first serious relationship that lasted two years. Where after it turned out I was his second and he was my 9th, he didn’t take well to it and ended up letting his insecurities control him, he started to cheat.

Then, a few years later, in the next relationship I got into, this came up into conversation again. I was his 6th or 7th but he was my 16th. And because I loved him so much and didn’t want to be cheated on again, I lied. Obviously months later the truth came out and yes he was a little hurt but ultimately he brushed it off saying that it’s a bit late to throw a tantrum over something that 1. Happened long before we started dating, and 2. Has no relevance to the here-now. It’s been a long time and this same man is now my husband.

It’s such a small, silly and insignificant thing to worry over in the long run (unless they’re still seeing them behind backs), but all the same I realise that men are raised to be told almost all their lives that they have to be some kind of experienced alpha, virile stud to be a success with women. So knowing that their partner or girlfriend has been with more people than they have, is almost emasculating in a sense I guess.

(Also, people should stop assuming that they know either person involved here and saying that it’s prying, and acting like this girl is a compulsive liar…everyone lies, and I bet the poster himself has lied to her too. How else do you get to know a person? The only difference with lies are if it’s an actual full-blown one, compared to tiny insignificant ones. Honesty is very valued in a relationship, but well-meant little lies can do a little good for them too…)

Here’s the thing, how you go about this can be a turning point depending on your view of the relationship itself (and the girl, is she just one in the long run, or is she someone you can look at and picture being with for quite a time?). Is this just a 'fun’ young-love kind of thing, or can you see it being something much more? . Is this going to be on your mind to the point where you’ll be out one night without her and see another good looking lady, and ‘for experiences sake’ sleep with her (and more as time goes on). Or are you going to stay and lie to both her and yourself over this? This is a matter of trust, respect and full-blown honesty. Sometimes you think it’s one thing but after trying it it’s going to be the other.

I’m rambling now. (and I don’t want this to sound like a ‘U+ME 4EVA’ post). But no one can give you advice here except yourself...

 

i don't care about the OP's issue, but i'd certainly feel better after sleeping with 12-14 girls.

 

I am a 55 yr old woman, and if I were to ever enter into another relationship that turned sexual, I can Promise you I'd lie like a rug.

My sexual history is my business. My hoohaa is clean...which is why the longer I go without, the easier it makes it. :sunny:

All that is besides the point - I don't want to know everybody the man ever did, but highlights are good...and they aren't going to hear what I did...what he (they) ever got was highlights. :2thumbsup:

 

Wash it it's good as new

 

Lynn,

When we reach middle age, almost everyone has a sexual history of some kind.
I guess we all have a mild curiosity about what a new girlfriend or guy has done in the past, but it is just idle curiosity, doesn't accomplish a thing.

And unless two people are ready to have sex, STD status is also irrelevant.
When they finally are ready for sex, one would hope that there is enough trust that he/she would not lie about herpes or HIV and do it without protection.

 

I'm actually quiet proud that my initial post has gotten such valuable feedback and I'm sure everyone not just me will get value from sharing posts like this one .

As for me and my gf (both eachothers firsts) I'd say that I am pretty serious with her. I see her everyday and we have a fantastic relationship with so much in common. We have the same sex appetite (very high), sense of humor and can talk for literally hours on end about any topic we choose. I value the relationship to a point where I'm 100% sure that even though I feel a bit inexperienced I won't cheat on her even if jessie J was begging me for it .

Also you're right about males being brought up to believe we need to have had a certain amount of sexual partners for any girl to want us and I did have this belief. To be fair other young men in general do not help much when it comes to getting rid of this negative belief. Actual experience has taught me otherwise though which is all I will say on that topic.