I used to like spanking girls a bit, get their ass a bit red, pinch the nipples. There is something to be said for introducing a little pain with pleasure to increase the intensity of the pleasure. I met and dated a girl while in grad school that was hardcore into it and wanted to be spanked very very hard, slapped, pinched, tied up, etc.. It was difficult to stomach at first, I never was involved in a situation where a girl outright requested to be abused. Over time though, I started to get into it, especially when I saw how much she got out of it. I constantly was asking if she was all right, which pissed her off, when giving her the belt. Welts that took days to clear always made me feel horrible. She always insisted on me to choke her to the point where she would nearly pass out. She only orgasmed if I really slapped, spanked, beat her and brought her to practically passing out. Her sex toys were crazy, she had what I always thought as a gag gift - a massive butt plug that defied the laws of physics how she was able to use it. She had a wardrobe of turtle necks and other clothes to hide any marks, this was normal for her. On the outside she seemed like such a normal person, I laughed because everyone who knew her saw her as the quiet library girl, so innocent, but behind closed doors it was insane, batshit insane. Her desire to be abused really hard and the crazy sex started to wear on me and what I was becoming. I couldn't get it out of my head as to why she was so into being abused, what happened to her, what others did to her before me. What did it say about me to even do this to someone I really cared about? The kink faded fast and I really came to resent it less than 6 months in. It was too much and where would it end up really worried me. I started to refuse to do it and tried really hard to get her to just have regular vanilla sex. I tried hard to just give her love, be gentle, slow building foreplay, lots of oral, vibrators, etc....She hated it to say the least. Eventually we just stopped having sex altogether, she didn't want me touching her, and when I tried to give her a little bit of the rough stuff she didn't want it anymore because she knew I couldn't give her enough of what she wanted. This dragged on for months and we were both miserable. We talked and fought a lot and eventually I got her to see a therapist. I offered to go with her but she didn't want me there, she really didn't want to go and make an effort but went to shut me up since I was persistent. I met with the therapist and explained things set everything up and paid for a bunch of sessions in advance. She saw the therapist about 4 times over a month and was always tight lipped about what they discussed. Then one day about one month into therapy out of the blue she shocked me by breaking up with me - it was like an intervention- she said I was abusing her and that it was over. No warning, no talking, I came home from school she had all my stuff packed in trashbags (was living with her) and basically said "get the hell out of my life". She said I was lucky she didn't press charges against me and that if I didn't leave her totally alone she would get a restraining order against me. Suddenly I was a psycho who was basically raping/beating her against her will to satisfy my sick perverted fantasies. I found out that she was then telling friends and family I raped her and the stuff we did was what I was into. Caused a lot of problems for me, my mom called me crying asking if it was true with some of the most horrible details you would never want your mother to know. I had a couple of past girlfriends who I kept in touch with vouch for me and calm my mother down, total nightmare stuff to have to deal with. I met with her therapist (who she abruptly stopped seeing) several times and eventually smoothed things over. (went to therapy for a bit myself) She ended up going back and went on several medication, her therapist dug up lots of very serious issues with her past. She still resents me but admitted reluctantly in front of the therapist that it was as much as her fault as mine. Thankfully she dropped out of school and moved across the country to live with a friend. It has been years but I still worry about getting my ass kicked by some random guy she is dating who she is probably telling I raped her, or having the police suddenly show up at my door arresting me for rape or abuse. I have never and will never force a partner to do something they aren't willing to do. All is fair in the midst of passion as long as there is mutual understanding. I think kinkiness is the salt and pepper to flavor sex and passion, a little bit can really enhance pleasure, too much can just ruin it to all hell. My problem was not stopping myself when I felt uncomfortable - as a guy I think I saw it as a weakness not to satisfy her as she wanted. I didn't want to appear to be a wuss, I like most men, wanted to please her as much as possible so that I would be a sexual god in her eyes. (stupid sounding I know). To refuse, to chicken out, to show my dislike would be equivalent to erectile dysfunction, not being able to keep it up, unable to satisfy her, leaving her in disappointment and looking for someone else. Some kink is great (a little spanking, some intensity , toys, anal, etc..), but when it shows some sort of mental disorder with wanting to be abused my best advice is to run fast and far. I've dated a few girls after her until I have settled with my current who I am getting engaged to. I have been very careful in choosing who I dated afterward. Don't jump into hardcore stuff lightly, there could be serious mental/past abuse issues that could potentially ruin your life.
Sigh...and situations like that are why people try to convince extreme fetishists like me that we have underlying problems and don't really enjoy what we enjoy and that they know better how we should live our lives than we do. Always make sure your psychos are good crazy (like me), not oh my god you raped me by doing exactly what I asked for and set you on fire crazy.
I'm not sure how much you know about borderline personality disorder, yessir1, but your situation with this woman sounds very much like you were dealing with someone who had either been abused and been sensitized to it (and needed physical pain the way others need coffee or a drug to function), or she just simply needed more pain than you felt comfortable giving. The trouble starts, with Borderlines, when you don't know that's who you're dealing with. You gave her what she asked for, reluctantly, then you stopped. I think that's what triggered her acting out. Instead of her being also willing to stop, she did what Borderlines do; she took revenge for your act of betrayal. What would have been "best," of course, would have been if she had been rational enough to say, "hey, listen, we clearly want different things, let's go our separate ways," but because Borderlines fear aloneness and abandonment, there was no way she could end the relationship cleanly. But that's not how it works, because the Borderline personality is pretty much stuck in a childlike mentality, the age where, if someone does something you perceive hurts you, you retaliate by calling the other person names. BPDs cause a lot of drama and pain and heartache because, from her perspective, you fucked her over by giving her something she needed, and then stopping. Now, you were never comfortable with the level of pain she needed. Understand that BPDs who are into receiving pain do so because they need that level of sensation to feel... to feel better about themselves, to exonerate themselves from the bad thing they think they did earlier in life; to release anxiety about being this close to someone... all sorts of inner motivations compel the BPD into needing this much pain. The other thing to keep in mind is that for the BPD, receiving this pain is not about having 'fun'. For people who have not been destroyed at some fundamental level of humanity during their childhood (and she may not have been; she might just have the chemical imbalances that science does not yet understand, that require her to seek pain for a lot of other reasons unrelated to BPD) they can experience this pain as a form of actual pleasure, and, because it doesn't work like a drug on them, they're not addicted to it. This means they can stop. But the person who needs this pain (and this is a phenomenon you might never understand consciously unless you yourself feel this way) cannot stop, and the fact that you stopped means you betrayed her. She opened up a core part of her most vulnerable reality to you, and you abandoned her. And so she retaliated. See, from the BPD perspective, her behaviors "make sense." They do not make sense from your perspective, because you are not into pain, it does very little for you, it does not trigger something deep inside your subconscious that makes it okay to have sex in the first place, or takes you out of your constant state of anxiety, allowing you to relax. But this is the effect it has for the person with BPD, which is what I'm suggesting she might have to deal with. These are very, very difficult people to cope with, and yes, you are best to probe very carefully into someone's psyche first before you get involved with them at this level, because for many people who seek out consistent pain, yes, there is "something" wrong; the question is, what? And do you have what it takes to deal with it, psychologically? If all you want is a little "fun" BDSM, whoever is reading this, take care. Be aware that there are those for whom there is no such thing as "fun" BDSM. Some people take it very seriously, because it opens up a place in the psyche that is quite dark and complicated, and it's one the average person is completely unprepared to deal with.
Well to be honest when a girl want sex with limits of rape and hard beating . 100% she is a psycho and someone had raped her before or serious family problem . so don't do it . yes it is good with spanking and domination , but not like this crazy bitch .
it's like this guy from craiglist, who took a girl and tied her up in his room. Then he had sex with her that way for like 1 or 2 weeks.. everything was fine... then one night, she goes out to buy a bottle of vodka, get drunk then call her mother who lives couple states away... the next morning she packs her stuff and goes... the day after, police arrest the guy for rape, he now faces 15 years
Not. I have some friends who are heavily into BDSM, etc etc. They are happily married (but still swing) and neither of them is a "100% psycho" as you assert. Don't categorise what you don't understand. I don't understand what they do, and it isn't for me, but nor is it for me to tell them-or anyone else-that they are mentally disturbed. And that is what you have done.
Well..... wacko chicks can be fun. But it is emotionally draining. After finding myself with a few of them over the years......... i stopped dating!! hahaha
