Good evening Ladies! Thanks for stopping by to read what has long been racing around my mind. I am a woman, been with a man for almost 6 years but have been aware of my attraction to women for about as long. I was raised very conservative/Protestant/sexually repressed as I was born in the South to "normal" parents who did their best to raise me as a proper, Southern lady. I'm still in my 20's (27) and have lived on my own since 21. So I've had a few years to start exploring who I really am. But I'm really not where I want to be as far as self-discovery and sexuality. Right now I think I must be bi. Bi because I'm in a relationship with a man that I love and am not wanting to leave at the moment yet am no longer able to ignore certain aspects of myself. Fours years ago I went abroad and was away from my boyfriend for half a year. I spent a lot of that time alone and did a lot of thinking. It was during that time that I realized I had more than a passing attraction to women and thought about what it would be like to enter into a same sex relationship if I were not attached. I discussed it with my man then. He was open to me having an encounter with another female. But me being so far away and us missing each other made for bad timing plus I really don't think I was ready to face this then. I wasn't ready to take the implications of it seriously. So I kind of pushed those feelings down. I went back to having a passing interests in female anatomy and generally kept my mind on my guy. Also, I thought, "I don't want to use girls! What am I a guy?" Though realistically one night stands have their place with the right partner at the right time. I am sure there are plenty of women that are looking for nothing more as well- if that was the case. Never the less I was more concerned if I fell in love with her but still had my guy, whom I love- then where would I be? So I said "Fuck that. I don't have to worry about that because I'm straight." and I didn't think about much since. I am aware of the bias against bi's. I have no desire to be reckless or do anything that might re-inforce any destructive stereo types while sorting out what, where I am in the sexual continuum. I have vowed to proceed with caution and respect for all involved, myself included. So the past few years has afforded me the occasional bisexual dream. I call them bi because these dreams always go something like this: I fall in love with a girl and want to protect her, cherish her, be with her, and yet I'm conscious that I have a boyfriend and that I love him and can't do anything to hurt him. That was pretty much the extent of my lesbian tendencies until one day last week (perhaps some major, positive changes has made me confident enough to face this?) when I had another dream just like that but the feelings it evoked where so vivid and potent they stuck with me ever since. It seems to have kind of been my wake up call. I have been re-visiting my internal sexploration over the last several days and am still not sure what to make of it. It's more that an attraction. (Not sure, now if it ever was just attraction) I have desires for a relationship or some level of intimacy with a girl. It feels so weird to say it I can hardly believe I'm typing it! I'm starting to wonder if I've been in denial for a while refusing (Or just not knowing how?) to allow myself to embrace this part of me. I've never thought it a bad thing just felt totally convinced that I was straight-up straight or at least only about 20% gay (I know, putting percentages on it - odd ball, huh?) So that's why I'm here. I hope there are other's like me in particular on this forum right now that won't mind opening up about this, and letting me open up to them. I have SOOOO much I want to talk about but I could really just use the right kind of girl to talk about it with. If you feel you really relate to what I am saying, even if you've already been down that road please message me here or reply with a way to correspond. I've spent my life reaching out to and adapting with, or generally trying to relate to others different from me, but for once, I REALLY need some people that are LIKE me already and want to connect. I'm not really looking for a bunch of casually flung advice from well-meaning, passing forum posters with vaguely relevant experience they expertly draw from though, that is appreciated in many cases and props to those who take time to respond from their heart. I'm just making an effort to reach out to others going through what I am that are longing for a connection same as I. I'm reaching out to those who need to relate to someone as much as I do and want to be pen pals via email, snail mail, phone, or whatever other ways the marvels of the digital age affords us to connect.(Heck maybe even stop by and post some sites I can better make this kind of connection if it isn't here.) Thank you for reading this far. You are a very patient soul indeed! -Love Bacie :daisy:
I know exactally what you are talking about I too have been in a relationship for 6 years with a guy, and I'm currently falling for one of my best friends she's gay but I feel totally out of her league. I'm not sure what to do now. Ive kind of always known I was bi but I thought it was just a phase through high school until recently my feelings toward girls has become constant for instance for a fantasy instead of in visioning a man and woman having sex I imagine girl on girl sex, my boyfriend knows I'm bi, but I'm not sure he understands that I need sexual relations with a girl. It feels like its out I my control at this point. It's not just something I want at this point it's almost like my body aches for a woman's touch. I need it. But I don't want to lose the comfort of being with my bf. I love him and I care about him and most of the time I do enjoy engaging in sex with him but I can't help what I need right? Your body craves things for a reason or so I've heard... I'm a little lost too. I'm looking for someone who can also connect with me in this because there aren't many people I can talk to who understand. Thanks -M
Hi there! I'm so glad you responded. I'd love to chat with you more. I apologize for taking so long to reply. I posted this a month ago to no responses at all that I gave up on it until today when I thought I'd check out these forums again for the heck of it. I hope you're doing well with this newly embarked journey of your life. I see mine as a journey toward integrating all the different sides of myself, however baffling into one, more fulfilled and healthy woman. I long for a sexual connection with a girl more than I ever have but I also yearn for a real connection of friendship with other bi women. So I'm working on that most of all right now. One thing that's become apparent to me is that I must take care not to over analyze myself at this stage. The heart wants what the heart wants. As long as I'm being honest with my BF and any women I should try more to just enjoy the moment and be brave enough to seek my own fulfillment in ways I never have before. So that's me right now. How's it going for you? Hope to hear from you soon, best of luck (Since starting this thread I found LINK REMOVED, an online forum exclusively for bi-curious, bisexual and pan-sexual women. It's been wonderful for me. I highly recommend it. It's very safe guarded from pervs or nosy husbands etc. And most of the women there seem to be in the same boat. My SN there is also Bacie, btw)
