Girls causing a problem

Ok I will explain then you can say if Im an idoit or whatever.

Im 34yrs old.

I have tried with over 30 girls to have a relationship. I have asked many girls out and they all said no. I have only had 1 relationship in my life when I was 29 in 2007. All girls have lied, lead me on, messed me about and cheated.

I have had 6 different girls who I knew as friends and they all said to me at one point why are you single? your a great guy. I then thought they are single too, maybe they are asking me out so I asked them and they said they didnt want a relationship I felt stupid for asking and should have known from past experiance that they wouoldnt say yes, but then a few weeks to a few months later they were with another guy and dating them and introduce me to them, its like been kicked in the teeth.

They then stopped been friends with me. My only relationship back in 2007 left me and went back to her ex. She had been with him before I found out.

I then met a girl 5yrs ago and became close to her, We spent alot of time together and I asked her out. She said she didnt want a relationship as she has been hurt 2 times before. I stayed friends with her and she said she doesnt want a relationship with anyone not just me so it isnt rejection, but it is because it effects me on a personal level. She has just told me now that she is seeing a guy who she was friends with towards the end of last year.

I am told I have ADHD by my psychologist Im seeing every Monday. So that makes it hard for me to make friends and so on, but I feel Im always been rejected by girls and I feel ugly and unattrative.

I have bought courses, books and even phermone sprays in the past. I am still single and beelive I always will be.

The girl who is now seeing her friend told me She isnt rejecting me and it wasnt planned. She said I dont have problems getting a gf but if thats true why do I have trouble getting a gf? (See above).

I dont go for a certain type of girl I like different types of girls and find certain things attractive about them, so they dont have to be Blonde, Brunette or model or anything. I just think Im always going to be single and feel I will be alone forever.

 

Well first off, you have to build up your self confidence. It's possible you are coming off as needy and it is really hurting even your friendships with the girls you have tried to ask out in the past.

For the most part if I tell a close girl friend of mine I have feelings for them and they say they aren't interested, I take that at face value and try not to take it personally. At least I got a clear cut answer, now I can move on.

Also you need to realize that even if a friend of the opposite sex asks "Why are you single?" that can't always be interpreted as them asking you out. You jumped to conclusions there when friends of yours have asked you that question by asking them out. And if you've given off a bitter attitude to their response, it's gonna tick them off.

They can't control how their emotions pull or attract them to a said person versus another one, and it's possible they felt you were being judgmental, and felt that ceasing all contact with you would be mentally healthier for everybody involved.

 

You sound like a nice, intelligent guy. Maybe you're surrounded by idiots. LOL

Keep being great and go do your own thing. Often love finds us when we aren't looking.

 

Yeah.. what aerianne said... you can't 'try' to have a relationship.. relationships come naturally and without effort. If you've got to put in a strenuous amount of effort, it's not happening

 

I, too, think if it doesn't come naturally, DO NOT waste your time trying to make it work.

That said, I befriended a guy once. He was great to hang and party with. He knew up front that was all I wanted/needed. A very fun year later, when he wanted to take it up a notch, he was really hurt when I wasn't interested. I never lied to him about where I was in my life and what I didn't want at the time (a serious relationship). But, he got really pissed when I didn't want to be his "girlfriend".

My point is, perhaps the girls you see, think of you as a "guy to hang out with" and nothing more. I'm not sure if your initial approach is "as a friend" or "as a suitor".

Something has to change. If you keep doing the same approach over and over again and get the same result, there's your answer.

If on the otherhand, women find you to be less than what a long-term mate should be, that would be a good place to find your answer as well.

 

Make friends and be outgoing and yourself. It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you...... But trying too hard can hurt anyone's chances.

 

thanks guys

I just get worried that people dont seem to like me and want to be with me :s

 

Women are the devil.

 

I think roorshack's advice is the best so far.

Try to make an effort to be more social, and try to take the pressure off of yourself, and your love life.

Just go out, make friends, get to know people; and when you meet the right person, the chemistry will just present itself and you'll be swept away.

If you really are anxious to try to find someone, and you have some spare time and or money -- try an online dating service and set up some dates with people in your area. (Just, if you go that route, take things a little more slowly and make sure not to give your heart away.)

I always got rejected when I tried to start a relationship with a girl. Then, I just clicked with one that added me on myspace after seeing me at my work (she was friends with a coworker), talked to her on the phone every day, at least an hour, for months; and it just took off from there. Been 5 years now

 

lol have you been looking at my profile?

:2thumbsup:

 

Excellent. I hope it continues to work out for you.

 

i have to assume you fall into the "too nice" category.

 

If Undy didn't say anything too negative and sarcastic you truly do come across as too nice of a guy.

 

Oh man... The story of my life. All the girls love to hang out with you and want to be your friend... they all say that you'll make a great husband some day, and wonder how on earth you're still single. Yet absolutely no one is interested in you.

I know aaaaall about that. It's annoying. But the advice already given is definately good advice to take. I'll have to look at taking some of it, myself.
Good luck, bro!

 

Men who are 'too nice' are the actual propagators of the species, and the most successful with women, IMO.

Otherwise their genes wouldn`t have been passed on, and so many of them wouldn`t be around, would they? Women wouldn`t so avidly seek to have so many of them in tow, for when they get horny and finally 'put them out of their misery.' Doormats get the hotties, I think.

So, I can only imagine OP is not enough of a doormat.

The fact that your ex cheated, doesn`t mean that much in my mind. I wouldn`t read so much into it. Women hitting their 30s and 40s seem to cheat at least as much as guys, but probably much more. Even if you were spectacular in bed, which maybe you weren`t.

But, her new boyfriend probably isn`t that great either, otherwise she would simply fuck him...no need for the arm candy. If anything, hide him, from all the girlfriends who`d be trying to leech off the 'taken' guy.

Also, the whole introducing you to their arm-candies, I would also not take very seriously. For all you know, they may not even be fucking the guys they introduce to the whole world.

Or, more likely, they are with them because they are too insecure to be with you. Or, because they like your attention and wouldn`t want to risk losing it by fucking you and turning into controlling psychos.

Or, simply because their biological clock is ticking and they need a sucker to take care of the kids should they accidentally forget to take the pill.

Maybe it`s not you, maybe it`s them.

 

Some good points people I think. Yes I have been told many times Im classed as to nice and thats my problem, however Cherea makes a good statement. It has made me think and opened my mind more. I cant and dont admit Im perfect...far from it lol I think it could be them...or at least I hope so.

I treat people the way Id like people to treat me back so yeah it could quite possibly be them.

 

This is why you never ask advice about chics from other chics

Dont put any effort in? Sounds like honest advice

Not putting qny effort in would include not having to bother with all the continous affirmations, not having to bother with communication, not having to bother with remembering valentines day, her birthday or later the anniversary.

But that kind of thing is what you have to work out first, why they all do that, somehow if they never say out loud what is required you will be dumb enough not to see it coming

But before that Piranha is you, if you are as self effacing as you claim to be in that opening post, why yhe username of a predator to begin with? ADHD, despite evrything else about that it means you run hyper than most of the majority, they are going to see you as calm enough to be safe married guy yet anyway.

And you have tried withe 30 girls? What does that mean? That you tell yourself you want a relationship, put in an 'effort' but only for a week, and if they havent put out in that time you give up

You say you feel unnattractive, but thats really just to get a group hug in this thread. Guys dont say stuff like 'l know I'm not perfect' Unless they think they are closer to it than most

The girls dont think you are ready to settle down, think you are hotter than you think you are and are simply not whippable enough, .....becuase you dont try enough

If you really want a relationship, buy yourself a little doormat costume and sing them a little song.

'I'm a little doormat, short bald and stout
Here is my wall-et, here are my nads
When you get all steamed up see me bow
Push me o-ver and suck the life out'

 

lol!

 

Ok, first off I chose the name as I was looking around my room as to what to call myself on the forum as a username I have a Blueray called Piranha 3D and thought I like that that sounds good so thats why I chose that.

It hasnt been over a week I have tried with 30 girls it has been over the past 17yrs. When i get knocked back I have to build up enough self esstem to then try again so unlike some guys who might go through trying with 30 girls in a night, week or month Im not like that I dont have enough courage to get knocked back all the time.

I said Im not perfect because Im saying I aint and that Im just like the average guy but cant seem to get a gf like others might. So no I dont claim I am perfect at all or near perfect. Im just pointing out I am an ordinary average guy...not your brad Pitt or whoever people might look upto and aspire to be like.

I couldnt give a shit about been given a hug by the thread Im asking where I might be going wrong and what others have maybe done to resolve their situation with a relationship and how to move forward. Isnt that what this forum is for to ask advice and share your view on a particualr topic?

As for the doormat costume....well need I go into how ridiculos that sounds and wouldnt help one bit so that to me isnt constructive advice. I dont see others wearing one and doing what you said. I am asking for advice not to look like an idiot.

 

But the advice is to look like an idiot.

Just checked your profile, there is only one pic, a headshot, but thats enough. You are hardly average, you are a good looking guy, and seemingly in shape, with a dose of ADHD in the mix so too energetic / hyper for your age

When it comes to long term any girl is going to stress about how its going to be 10/20 years down the track. You are pretty much going to look the same, and probably more distinguished, whereas they are not going to look the same. And it never really has anything to do with you, its abouthaving to deal with all the other chics

Why start something with you if 10 years down the track you are going to look more like mother and son together and every younger chic looking at her like, what are you doing with him, easy prey

You probably are too nice, dont hit on them straight away so they are going to think your mainly after a relationship. Thats not going to work with any girl your age, they are all going to expect you to go out with a 20 year old, but a 20 year old requires a healthier bank account.

So basically you are too hot for any girl your age, too poor for a girl that fits your ranking, hence fucked

Hence doormat, you have to give the impression you actually need them, and are going to still need them in 20 years. You cant ask advice from girls on this, you'll never find one thats going to admit that kind of stuff out loud. And its not like you are going to get the truth from the guys either, they wil never admit that their girlfriends/wives are with them cos they think they are a bit of a loser, easily whippable, does what he's told, a lot of them wont even know that the case

But even thats not the real fucked up part, the fucked up part comes in about 5 years, once you start to look like a dad, only then will you see how many of them have daddy issues i.e all of them. And if you had dated a girl when you were 20 and concerned about her cheating, the statement 'The number one guy you should be concerned about her cheating with would have been your dad' wouldnt have made any sense to you and probably doesnt now.....but will. And you'll never hear anyone talk about that out loud.

So the answer, earn more money, so that in 5 years time when you do have a whole bunch of 22 year olds that just want to marry the closest thing to their daddies they can find and make babies, you'll be ready