Hi everyone, I'm new to this site. I don't know what will come out of this. I desperately need someone to talk to, so I'm posting this. I can't talk to my friends because they don't know I've ever had this sort of struggle. I'm 28-y/o & have fallen in love with a colleague. I've worked with her for 10 months, but it is just recently that the feelings developed. I was surprised by this sudden development, because I never perceived her as anything but a colleague, until recently. I've been hiding my feelings & I feel depressed. I'm on long-term meds for depression (even before I met her). It's hard not to feel this way with love unrequited. It's hard enough to get myself out of bed to work. I yearn to see her, but, don't want to at the same time. Does that make sense? I don't know if she's gay. Actually, I'm not even sure if I'm gay, too. I've been confused with my sexuality for a long time. I get the occasional crush on men, but most have been on women, & only older women. My crushes on women tend to be more intense. Anyway, back to my colleague. She's single, in her late thirties. I don't know her preferences. I sent her an FB friend invite early last week, just so I could know her better & hopefully grow closer. She has neither accepted nor rejected my invite. She's friendly towards me. And today I mentioned to her in a jovial manner that she must have a grudge against me because she hasn't accepted my friend invite. She laughed, but didn't have time to reply because she was distracted by someone else for work-related stuff. I just left it at that. She still hasn't accepted me (I don't understand because most of our colleagues are on her friends list). I don't intend to mention it again. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm feeling particularly low about this situation. I've been single all my life. There are people who question my preferences because of it. I always deny it, of course. I don't look too bad. I have long hair. I dress conservatively & wear skirts/dresses at times. I'm not particularly feminine, nor masculine. I am reserved, private, kinda nerdy; quiet with strangers, but chatty & jovial with familiar people. She, on the other hand, is more sociable & amiable than me. She participates in outings with colleagues. I don't. I've always thought of her as beautiful, but never had feelings until last week when we attended a seminar together & sat really close because there was little space. I thought that she smelt good, & that was it. I fell in love just by the smell of her. She's smart, too, & very capable. So, this is it. I long to be close to her, to the point of anguish. I don't know what to do. Get over it? Thanks for listening.
Hi Dawn, I think that you should start going out to work gatherings. It would allow you to get to know her better and for her to get to know you! and who knows, you might even enjoy yourself The other suggestion I have, would be to stop thinking about her as if you're in love. Okay, you have a really huge crush but love? mmm I suppose I am not a believer in love at first sight and perhaps you are. However, I think that it would be to your benefit if you tone things down. Especially because if you do get the chance to go out with her, you don't want to be one of those classic U-Haul lesbians... I mean lets face it, those I love you by the second date never work out for the long term. Love is a big word and needs to be treated with care. So, go out to work gatherings and let her get to know you!! have a glass of wine and just enjoy yourself.
I didn't refer to it as love at first sight because I've known her for ten months, as a colleague, that is. It isn't love at first sight. I've always admired her intelligence & skill (we're nurses). Just never had feelings until now. But, you're probably right to say that it's too soon to call it love. Because of her, I have been considering joining work outings. I'm a private person & kind of a loner so it will probably surprise everyone. I do talk & get along well with colleagues, but I never share my personal life or mingle with them outside of work. I will feel very uncomfortable, but I really want to get closer to her so I will go out with them once the occasion rises. I'm fearful that my feelings will go unreciprocated. It's hard to be alone for so long. I'm also wondering why she hasn't accepted me into her FB. I know it's just FB, but it doesnt make sense to me. Does she dislike me? I don't really know. I think I am relatively ok at work. Some have told me that it's nice working with me. I'm a hard worker & dedicated to my job.
I would try going to the work gatherings. I am not a very social person when I don't really know the people either. But, in this situation, it is a good idea. Also, try to become a good friend first. Get to know each other better than just the work environment but not in the relationship zone.
Hey girlie don't over think it I also say be social a glass of wine and a good conversation can really help in getting to know her or if your feelings for her are worth pursuing. You seem like an awesome girl and I would hate to see you let down. Getting to know your co workers can really open doors for you. You might start enjoying being more social and start making friends because you have a lot to offer as well so don't forget that or downplay yourself. I'm on meds too so I understand the depression but staying in isn't helping either situation I know it's hard to get out but you might surprise yourself Best of luck and vibes! Mahalo~Dani
She might/must sense your strong interest and does not want to reciprocate,but is being nice to you because that's the way she is. Sounds like you're being too intense about this. Some "things" and people in life are just unattainable.
Personally, I don't like accepting people from work on my FB, nor do I like to have people on my fb that I don't know. Maybe she is waiting to actually get to know you... I remember you said that she has other co-workers on her fb so it's probably just a case of the two of you needing to build some kind of real friendship before being virtual friends As for being afraid to have your feeling unappreciated, we are all afraid of that happening but if you don't take a chance and let her know that you like her, your feelings will remain unknown and you will remain single. Take a chance!! So, did you go to work outings yet??
