Student Of Sexuality

Hello all... I'm new to this forum and this is my first time posting. I've been a student of sexuality ever since I can remember (I saw my first porno at 5 years old... very confusing at the time)

And there is one question that has been bugging me for a while now. All men can have an orgasm 90% of the time, but only 25% of women can do the same.

Why is that? We all know what to do - concentrate on her clit, take your time, eat her out, etc - but not all women can orgasm. Even if her lover knows exactly what he's doing, it's still not guaranteed for the grand majority of women...

... And I want to know why.

Any ideas?

 

It's because everybody talks about it on the internet instead of doing it.

 

A mans orgasm is a pure physical reaction, whereas a woman's is most often emotional and physical. I think we were wired that way because a males orgasm is essential to procreation, but not the females. A females orgasm seems to be a lot more complex and mysterious.

 

... On the contrary my friend, I think a LOT of people are doing it. The problem though, is the fact that they're doing it without reading about it or studying the subject. That's why so many men "think" they know what they're doing and so many women are keeping silent so they don't hurt the man's feelings.

 

I'd assume it has something to do with natural selection. The male orgasm is needed for procreation.

 

You're right that the female orgasm is more emotional... it's also psychological. The experiences that I had that I was able to help the girl orgasm, were very deep. We knew each other better than we knew a lot of our closest friends, yet we had just practically met.

There was chemistry & "mind-fucking" happening. I think that's why it worked out so well.

 

I agree with you observant but I also think that everyone who has posted so far has a grain of truth as to why girls/women have a harder time getting to orgasm.

That and society bombards us with a whole bunch of messages about self-esteem, beauty and how to and how not to have sex (youth really buy into it too) when really the best way to learn how to have sex is by experience with your partner.

Psychologically speaking, I think the mindset needed that many people should really keep with them as they hit the bed with a partner is a sense of being safe, free, confident, caring and enthusiastic/excited about your partner. A little knowledge doesn't hurt either but communication is absolutely necessary for good sex, and that's both verbal and non-verbal communication. (and this communication starts before you start the sex act, porn doesn't really show this well and so legions of people don't get this)

That being said I usually find that when 2 people say they have "good chemistry" they have all of these qualities present already so it's not necessarily a surprise if great sex is also a part of the relationship.

Also a part of why sex might be so bad as a general national statistic, could be related to the obesity crisis in the developed countries too. I mean you do need a good heart to maintain that erection, and like not have a heart attack and freak your partner out in bed...that trauma will only make it more difficult to set the mood again should one survive.

 

All true

Women are all different and if you want to obtain the skill of pleasuring a woman....you have to learn to connect with each women differently and on a deeper level than "penis enters vagina."

Today's porn tells us that all you have to do is pound away as hard and as long as you can stand....smack her ass a little bit and she'll squirt all over the place. I have encountered women like that, but it's EXTREEMLY rare. You have to communicate both verbally and non verbally. You have to first make her feel comfortable. Then you have to put your needs aside, and focus entirely on what you can do to meet HER needs (in my case all my needs are almost always fulfilled by meeting her needs). Now sometimes what she wants can change in the midst of sex so always pay attention to her. Maintain eye contact, and let the passion overtake both of you.

Man I really need to get laid lol

There are no set of steps to follow, there's no magic move you can do to make a woman cum. You just need to know your partner, and not be selfish. And don't get frustrated when it doesn't happen, because sometimes.....despite all of your efforts it just doesn't happen.

Oh and use porn for what it is......never use it as a guide to sex. That is unless that's what the woman wants.

 

In this age of the internet and many books available most probably do know what to do. When I was younger (40 years ago) I knew little about sex. There was no internet and probably the only place to find "how to" books was the library. Was married for at least a year before we realized what a clit was or how to get her to orgasm.

There are probably still some families that don't teach their kids about sex and I doubt that any sex ed classes in schools get very detailed.

 

If this question is more about your lover than women in general, then you know who to talk with about how to give her pleasure. (It ain't us, even though we mean well and want to help).

As others have suggested, don't assume that what worked best with your ex- is also best for this woman.

The clitoris can be hypersensitive. Some women prefer rhythmic pressure on it indirectly through her Mound of Venus, others do want you to make direct contact.

Many guys can flip a switch in their mind and focus on the sex exclusively.
You might discover that your lover is one of many who cannot as easily ignore the setting where they are considering making love.
Is it safe? Is it romantic? (some guys and girls get a charge from lovemaking where there's a risk of being discovered).

The answer is not always the same.
She might want it in a cozy bedroom one day and prefer making love in a pile of leaves in the woods the next day.

Has she had a stressful day? She may want sex to relax and forget her troubles or she may not be able to let go of the stress and enjoy a night of love-making.

The female reproductive cycle affects sexual desire, but it is not as predictable an outcome as guys like to think. Let her decide if the time is right.

And if you've got something on your mind that's keeping you from being your best in bed, she will know that something is up. I am always amazed at how good many women are at perception of things that we guys think they couldn't possibly notice.

Spend more time getting to know her, more time with shared experiences, think more about her, less about yourself and you'd be surprised how much better the sex will get after a day of sharing love in other ways.

 

^ Well you do bring up some good points, but being someone fairly young, I can tell you that the internet is a double-edged sword when it comes to learning about sex and sex topics.

There's a lot of disinformation out there and trolls, you don't have to take my word for it either, just go to any yahoo or google answers page about any sexual question and you can see how bad information is still being fed into young minds.

I didn't, and still don't, know of many individuals when I was in high school (which is not long ago) who spent the time looking at anatomy books, sexual research articles, and communicated with real open honest people about sex (this includes their own partners sometimes). From what I can tell, boys AND girls still read believe false information from magazines, blogs, and their friends. (let's be honest, friends lie/brag even to their friends to create/protect a superficial image/reputation)

Also in the actual health classes you either get abstinence only, or comprehensive sex ed, but the classes themselves aren't going to teach the students what makes sex orgasmic or not, and few students I doubt would feel comfortable asking these kinds of questions in an open forum classroom discussion. (Have you noticed the awkward silences in health class?)

I just wanted to point that out.