Should I make a move on straight friend?

This has been bothering for a while so I decided to look online for others opinions. I usually don't type in forums and such online, but I really need help. I'm a bi guy who is not out and normal and straight acting. I have for about a year and a half fallen for a guy that I would consider my best friend. He is straight as far as I know and is your regular type of guy. Good looking and in shape frame. I would like to know if there is a chance he may be interested or curious enough to give a positive response if I were to make a move.

We see each other nearly evey day and chat atleast some pretty much every day. I can tell that it's hard for myself as well as him to part for too long. I guess we have become dependent best friends. We are both in our mid-late 20s. We do talk about girls here and there, and I know he has slept with a few women but he hasn't had a gf in a while like myself. He also doesn't go out really hitting on girls besides normal conversation but he does flirt a lot over phone.

Sometimes I may get touchy feely. Sometimes he will say nothing, other times he may be like "what are you doing?" He usually won't push back or anything though.

One night at drinking I did in a joking matter offer a handjob, and he really gave no response except smiling. I offered maybe 3 times joking like. So I am wondering if I should have expected him to be totally grossed or outspokenly at the moment against the mention of a handjob? He is a very quiet and to himself kind of person so it's hard to tell if he would be open to a same sex activity; he surely wouldn't be the one to initiate it. I'm wondering if I should try to mention this after some drinks and kinda gauge his responses. I'm thinking maybe I could find a way to get him horny and bring up the idea in some way to him of us experimenting? Does this sound like something a friend would mention or how should I approach this?

I like him a lot so I would like to so bad to have something work out, me giving a handjob or whatever but I wouldn't want to hurt our friendship. It's a scary situation for me for which I believe I have to tread lightly, but it will be eating me up inside if I can't find a way to figure if he'd be open to doing anything sex related with me.

Sorry for the long post, it's just hard to compact everything I'd like to say to be short, and still I feel Ive left a lot out.

 

you can try creating circumstances under which it would come naturally for you two to jerk off together. it's innocent enough. plenty of straight guys do it, and it creates an opportunity to take it further than that (like reaching out and giving him the handjob). it allows you to see how he handles it and whether he might be interested in something more too.

i don't know, aren't you able to tell when you're with him, if there is a mutual sexual attraction there or not? i'm usually aware of its presence, or lack of it.

 

yeah, a difficult one if you are such close friends anyway - if you/he are readers then maybe you should leave a few articles/books lying around which discuss bisexuality and alternative relationships in general.

That way you could maybe open the discussion etc. After all it's not as if you were gay, being bi means you can still have a straight male friend while doing the heteorsexual norm of girls.

At least that's my feeling, but then i'm bi - some ST8 people out there have more problem with bisexuality then gay folk.

Simon :sunny:

 

He's your best friend....you're willing to destroy that for sex? Sorry but on this it seems real clear to me. He knows you are into if he wants to play. Leave him alone....no alcohol/drugs or mood altering circumstances.

I'm Gay, I Really do not want sex with women. If a woman friend tries repeatedly to violate my orientation, I'm gone. Hell even if I was Bi and said no to a friend that should be the end of it.

For the sake of both of you leave him alone. Leave him alone to the point you don't even fantasize about him. Just my .02 cents worth.

 

Sounds homoerotic to me. A "real" straight guy would be all over a girl by now, not flirting with a guy. By mid-late 20s he would be married with children, or a "real" monk, not smiling to another guy's handjob offer. Seriously, is he intellectually disabled? He's not asexual because he flirts with you. In my experience, "real" straight guys don't want to hear homosexual lust encounters. Does he party? Maybe you need to loosen him up. Some guys need an excuse and being loaded (or pretending to be loaded) is usually a good excuse.

 

if you know here's strait - no!

even if he reciprocates

you may experience heartache in the long run.

 

how many strait men out of 100 would say yes

to a hand job from another man?

probably more than you release.

 

um, no. the fact that he's in his mid-late 20s and unmarried is neither an indication of being gay nor a monk. it's an indication of nothing, really, except being a guy in his mid-late 20s.

 

You already have 'made a move' by offering a hand job. Even if you said it 'jokingly' he knows it's out there that you're willing/interested in fooling around with him. If he keeps hanging out with you like before and doesn't start to distance himself, there's a chance that he might be open to it. It would probably take some time [and booze] to wear down his defenses.

I'd just keep doing the flirting and joking so it's always out there.

 

I was just playing the Devil's advocate, and it worked.

 

Just checking to see if you're awake, and that you are.

 

ah right.

 

Guys thanks for the input. Reading through them for guidance has been really helpful. My thing is I have had this for a few in the past but I have totally forced myself to ignore it because I didn't want to lose a friend just as some have stated. But I'm just wondering how it would work if I tried with a friend, if it can turn out positive. It seems my best relationships have not been with the women in my life but with my closest guy friends. So I really would just like a very close intimacy for the sake of making me happy and hopefully seeing my friend happy too.

I like tuesdaystar's advice of continuing to slowly flirt and put stuff out there as others have also suggested. I don't know his views on bi's and gay's yet. I do know he follows the only trend of calling stuff 'gay' at times, saying 'fag', and stuff like that. He used to say that more but for months rarely says it now. I'm wondering should homophobic behavior mean I may get a negative response when trying something?

But we do have a very close relationship for two guys that almost is like a couple relationship in a way. That's partly because we don't go long without contact, and if we don't see each other that day, we'll make contact in some other way.

I sure would like to get an opportunity soon for us to be alone after drinking. I want to touch him and say so much, but then I just get so chicken shit scared at how he'd react.

I may try to refer here for some help as I proceed with this if that's possible. Any other input definitely appreciated.

 

it can turn out positive. yarapario presented a completely polar opinion, whereby any sex between friends would ruin the friendship. this isn't always the case; sometimes it can bring two people even closer together and enhance the friendship. some friendships, yes, are purely companionships where sex doesn't ever enter into; however, some friendships involve sex and are no worse off for it. only you and your friend know whether sex will affect yours positively or negatively.

i think the advice of leaving stuff laying around, like gay pamphlets and what not is not such a good idea. it's forced and can easily backfire on you. he may see that stuff and react as he perceives he should or is expected to react in front of you (like with disgust) and not genuinely. if you really want to head in an analogous direction, a better thing to do would be to just bring up the subject of homosexuality and talk to him about it in an honest and serious manner, to see what he thinks. although even if you get a positive reaction from him on that one, it still doesn't translate into him wanting to mess around with you. the only way to know THAT is to start taking the physical closeness between you to another level. and my advice is still something along the lines of: get a little buzzed, get subtly physical with him, and if he is turned off by it, tell him you were just joking around.

also, i wouldn't call his calling something 'gay' and using the word 'fag' as homophobic behavior. i'm not gonna delve into an analysis of all the possible reasons why someone does that, suffice it to say it's usually a completely harmless behavior and doesn't indicate that he hates gay people.

good luck.

 

My Advice Would Be Say Nothing More, Don't Risk The

Friendship, Wait For Him To Come To You....



Cheers Glen.

 

Just take off ur clothes lay back stroke ur chest and say you may have me and if he wants it he will take it

 

He sounds like he could be very shy, uncertain of what his response should be. I am with GlenGlen — don't say anything more or provoke him and wait for things to pan out. I would add maybe a beach visit (maybe even a nude beach visit) may bring him and you onto a favourable wavelength, but don't push it if he declines the idea.

 

You're right about him being shy, biggles. That's why I know it's risky to do anything, but I think that if there is any interest there I would have to initiate it and under some alcohol. Like meridianwest said that way I can have something to blame if I get a push back.

I'm wondering if it's important or key to before physically flirting to make mention of sexual like stuff to get his mind on it and guage his interest. I'd like to also find a good way to bring up bisexuality or fooling around with both without being too obvious of my intentions lol.

I mean I've avoided and ignored these situations most of the time, but now, especially since I see this person a lot, I'd like to give it a shot. Of course, with keeping trust and not ruining the friendship if possible....

 

I would say that going off of what you have said that he may not either be sure about his sexuality or its a very undercover homosexual. I am straight and if I was offered a handjob but another male I would definitely kinda freak. So I say the smile he gave you might be an indication that it could be possible. I would ask him straight up.. Don't try to pull a quickie or anything like that. Be honest and open with him and see.

 

Im mostly str8 (yeah say what you want about the mostly part) my missus knows Im open to experiment with another guy.
Firstly I wouldnt use the grog as an excuse to blame on. The truth comes out when pissed so it could work for or against ya 50/50 chance.
I call shit gay I dont really use the term fag as such but I have no problems with gay people so that homoagainsity doesnt apply there.
I also have noticed people that over exagerated deny and against certain things are usually hiding the fact that they are into it but scared to admit it.

Why dont you just bring up something in context in conversation like gay mariage and see his views on that and gauge where to go from there? Its a harmless topic and fits in generic convo.
ask him if he has picked up recently. You said he doesnt pick up out clubbing so ask him about his interests people love talking about themselves. Your good mates you should take the time to get to know him and who he really is.
If he is flirty to you on the phone, play along and see how far HE takes it.

Im not him but I wouldnt hit on a guy if I wasnt sure he was gay and even if I did know Id still be pretty hessitant & nervous. Myself Id need alcohol to loosen my attitude but not too much of it that im wasted. My smile to that answer would be Im too confused or nervous to answer as you may not be actually serious and id feel like a dick accepting a hand job off you.
Then again he could be in the same boat as you. Questioning his friends sexuality and wanting some of it and not sure where you are.

Just throw out the bait and see if he chooses to hook himself.