I have been in married or in serious relationship for all of my adult life but I still don’t understand woman nor do I think that woman understand men .We interpret things differently, we see things differently ,what important to one is not always important to the other. So I am starting this thread in the hope that I can get some answers to questions and hopefully others will also have question than can be answered regarding how the opposite sex thinks .This is not a anything sexual, we have more than enough threads about that, but about outlooks and thought processes so that maybe we can understand each other just that little bit more My first question is –When having a argument somewhere in the middle of the fight , and all 3 of my wives have done this so I am assuming it is the norm but not making a generalization , something that I did 5,10 or 15 years ago will suddenly be thrown back in my face again .Why ? It’s done and dusted ,it’s finished , ancient history why do woman always drag up the past ?Do all woman do this or is it just the ones that I have been with ?
Not Only Women Do This, When My Brother Is Well And Truly Losing An Argument He Will Bring Up Some Trivial Thing That I Did 15 Years Ago And Throw It In My Face...WTF. Lawers Have A Term For This Behaviour, It's Called "In Your Face Defence" And It Describes The Back To Front Baseball Cap Guys That When Questioned By The Po Po Or Anybody, Will Throw ANYTHING They Can Think Of At You To Bluff You To Back Off, And To Draw Attention Away From The Main Issue At Hand... Cheers Glen.
I think it stems from a regret of not getting all they wanted from the past event that they had to hold on to it and get it out now
Shit Is Shit, Regardless Of It's "Use By Date", And Hurts The Other Person Just As Deeply.... Cheers Glen.
Agreed. If I've got shit to go on about, I'd like for it to be current, however. The past is done, but maybe something can be done about the present whether it hurts or not. Mostly just saying that I don't care to throw peoples' past in their face. I've got one, too. Trying to be the exception.
I think some people (male or female, though it's only natural for you to assume it affects females more since I'm guessing you don't date men) don't understand the "forget" part of "forgive and forget." It doesn't mean you literally forget, nor should you, but it does mean you "forget it" in an argument, and don't use it as ammo against the other person. Also, some people--perhaps more women as we tend to think of ourselves as peace makers--may say that they forgive you, when really, they're just tired of fighting and want to try and move on. But of course, if you're not honest when you tell someone you forgive them, you will usually just grow more and more resentful until you spew it back at the person in an argument. Just my 2 cents. Hope that helped -Kate
Thanks , i normally get that from my wife , i will forgive but i wont forget which in my mind means , actually i dont want to argue this point at the moment now but reserve the right to bring it up again when i am losing the next arguement because by then i will have completely forgotten about the incident .Your answer does put things in perspective though My next question is well lets say most men will be asked this question and its is so easy for the man to say the wrong thing Question- "does this skirt/top/pants make me look fat " why do women ask this , surely they can see what the item of clothing does for them .
Thanks Glen that makes perfect sense , it easy to loss perspective in the middle of arguement , dragging up the past totally throws me off course that i end up just walking away .
Yeah, i was going to say the harping on the past thing is more a family thing, males and females alike. I havent spoken to my dad in decades. but my brother has, last time he spoke to him he was still harping on about $800 bucks i owe him for a car back in 1989. OMG, friggin 23 years ago now, get over it. But really just something to bitch about to get under either my or my brothers skin. As for the subject at hand, the key word is relationship, in the end you are both the closest thing to bitch to that will listen sort of. Neither of you will act the same way to complete strangers, or if you do they'll disappear pretty quickly. You've been married 3 times? Maybe for the 4th wife try one that cant talk, or can only speak Russian, so when shes bitches you cant understand a word and it still sounds sexy
Speaking for myself, I only do this if it is a negative behavior that has persisted. I do it to point up that there is something being done, habitually, that is bothersome to me.
What's the main objective of engaging in an argument? Winning. All is fair in love and war, and those two words perfectly describe most marriages that I know of.
