Depression over the state of existence

I'm often told I think too much. I've been kind of fucked up recently, because I keep getting this reoccurring message. "Were all going to kill ourselves off. The environment is fucked, and there's nothing we can do. Were a stupid animal, and space exploration and world peace is just a pipe dream. pollyanna. Its never gonna get better only worse" Its just incessant. Maybe it would be good if I was on a different wavelength and didn't care about the massive cliff were heading over as a species, but, for whatever reason, I do. Its my personality, and some people are annoyed by it.

Really, in the end, I might as well just be the equivalent of pond scum whining on about its own extinction. I guess I don't remember asking to be here, and I won't really remember being here. I might be like the lamb that knows its going to the slaughter, and I may just be fucking it up for everyone else by exposing this when everyone would be better off to die happy and oblivious. I don't really know anymore. Some people bring all this up with a kind of mean streak about them. I try to do it with the hopes of possibly preventing it, but there may be nothing to prevent. Human nature might be so rigid that were fucked anyway we cut it.

"The cosmos doesn't reward good or punish evil. Hitler's life was ultimately just as valid as Martin Luther Kings legacy, as far as the cosmos is concerned." These are possibilities I've been wrestling with lately, and there's this heavy, unsettling malaise I've been trying to fight off. I've been practicing austerity to see if I can master my will as a way of proving to myself humanity can change. In the end, I might just be missing out on a bunch of good opportunities to do a whole lot of drugs, have lots of unsafe sex, and party before humanity hits the big one. A part of me doesn't believe this is the right path though and that I should try to avert the social consequences with such wreckless behavior, even if we'll all be dead from genocide and war shortly hereafter. It could just be that human empathy may really just be a kind of curse that prevents us from acting out our true animalistic desires, and that sociopaths are the truly lucky ones because they experience life to its fullest or some kind of bullshit like that. I'm just hoping there's some type of golden opportunity in this to gain deeper knowledge and wisdom about our reality and that this all just isn't a fluke imprisonment of matter and spirit and playground for the sociopath and unjust.

 

My answer to this kind of thought is just to say fuck it and do exactly what it is you feel you should do every day of your life. Whether or not it means anything just do what makes you happy and if you care about other people then do what will make them happy. Instead of thinking on such a huge scale, about the fate of the world and everything, and just consider the immense power that you as a person have to affect your own life and the lives of others. Happiness is the greatest drug of them all, you should do it every day.

 

Ah, hell yah man. That's what I'm talking about. I'll just try to spread love and happiness, not overindulge, and live a life that I think is a good example. I don't have to condemn, just love. The global model of thinking is crippling, because it sets us apart form it and creates a kind of mental barrier. Were the globe, and the globe is us though. That's a fact. I guess in the face of all this insanity and hatred, being able to bestow love in that environment makes it that much more of an honor. Everyone and everything needs something to love them, and we can be that something if we want.

 

Jack


What appears malicious or desperate is in fact a desire for relief, a call for love.

 

I think you should go bust a nut, and you'll feel better..

 

You're probably not to far off the mark with your feelings...

 

Yah. I get this sense that a lot of people lash out at others, scapegoat others, dominate others, etc because of some kind of inner turmoil they don't want to shut out. That's why I strive not to be hostile to people or to return hostility with hostility. Well, I want to avoid it as much as I can. Love if used at the right time can diffuse a lot of this.

 

I still have to try. Were not pondscum exactly, in that we at least have the capacity to know were fucked. If we can't possibly change the path were on, then all our sentience and awareness might be something of a curse. If there's any tiny possibility of things getting better, then there's a slim possibility this could become a profound blessing. I'll try to live for love and do what I can in my ability to improve it even though that might not be enough. I'll love for the sake of love, even if the world does end and we kill ourselves off. The love itself, that experience of connectedness it brings, is still worth something, even if its forgotten.

 

If it is all pointless then that leaves you with the freedom to make up your own point.

I've experienced the same soul-sucking thoughts as you, then I realized....fuck it. Might as well enjoy myself and try to make life a little easier for others while I'm here.

 

Or there's always this......


Find the others, and prepare to survive what is sure to come.

 

That's why I say fuck it. Nothing really matters anyways so I might as well do whatever I feel like doing.

 

Probably. I haven't in 6 weeks.

 

Oh, I'm already working on that. I wanna try to make sure the world isn't repopulated with only little Dick Cheyneys.

 

If nobody TRYS to change the world, nothing will change. Be the change you want to see in the world.

 

Everybody bright person goes through this inner turmoil, when they first start to realize how the world really is. You feel some sense of responsibility for "fixing" the world and bringing it up to your higher level of understanding, but yet you are starting to realize that this can't be done. If this isn't bad enough, soon you will encounter some unenlightened person who says to you in an angry way, "Who the fuck are you to tell me how to think? You don't know shit!" They have just as much right to their ignorant opinion as you do.

The world doesn't change when one person starts to think differently. The world changes when millions of people start to think differently. Unless you honestly think you have what it takes to become the leader of millions, relax and live your own life. Before you know it, it will be over. The world will go on without you. Or not.

 

There must be punishment dude...I mean why does punishing exist now then? There must be better places and worse places to exist upon...And i agree with you on how much of a mindfuck it is that we dont know why we are here....All i know is that iam basically surrounded by thing that can cause pain on a daily...Except for when iam in a warm bed with covers and stuff.

In reality dude, something happened. Its really fucking crazy and surreal...I dont know dude, i dont know. Thats a question that disturbs me

 

I think you're right, or at least, on the path of logical reasoning.
I still find ways to enjoy my life, though, and depression over existentialism is only temporary (for me), and it's a reality that I've accepted with little hard feelings long ago. I still get bored, I still sometimes just wanna get drunk and "break the boundary" of thought, etc. But I live a regular regime, and I doubt I'm obsessing over it as hard as you are currently.

Not sure how old you are, but if you learn not to dwell, pick up other healthy habits, and start doing normal things for the sake of it (even though 'it all doesn't matter anyways,'), I guarantee you can be preoccupied enough to finish life. How many billions do?

Part of life is dealing with it, yo.