How do I overcome anger. I've always been an extremely angry person. I do terrible things when I'm angry and hurt my love ones. How do I leave anger behind.
start inflicting pain on yourself...then you'll be like 'this fucking hurts' and then you won't do it anymore but you might get more pissed cause now YOU are hurting YOU and it could turn into a horrible spiral of events. maybe you should just smoke some weed
Interesting approach- though I have my doubts that this fits into a Buddhist approach to the problem. Anger has long been a challenge for me. There's one bit of wisdom I can offer from my own struggles here and that is to accept that your fight will not be an easy one. There are a number of books on the topic- one of which I'm reading now, "Healing Anger- the Power of Patience From a Buddhist Perspective" written by The Dalai Lama. A big part of dealing with this very destructive energy is realizing the foolishness of granting power over your state of mind to forces or entities with no interest in your well being. Realizing it is one thing but being able to practice it in the heat of the moment is quite another and at my stage I am no where near mastering it... but I am making progress. Good luck.
Ya, my problem is being obedient and then, the whole experience teaches me chauvinism. And now, there is no laughter from you.
Yar- I'll have to invert my monitor next time... The weed part may be very useful in dealing with an instance of anger but relying on it to cope with the problem long term could be a problem itself for some.
I thought this was all about the balanced view of S. & M. I think that might work too. Wrong religious sect?
most anger is fear based.anger also comes from undealt with hurt.try an identify what your feeling and thinking just before you get angry to see if theres a common pattern goin' on with it.gettin' to the root cause is your first step in being able to deal with it.
I think the OP was posted in the Buddhism forum because Iwanttoliveinavan rightly recognized that as a spiritual discipline, Buddhism brings a wealth of tools to the table for one to manage how one projects emotional energy. Ultimately it depends on the person-0 ability and willingness to follow through. To me, there's not going to be a time in my life when I'll be able to say that I've achieved final victory over my personal demon as it will be something I need to be constantly vigilant over.
In Buddhism there is something called habit energy. Anger is one habit energy. Having used anger in the past as a way of achieving an end it has become a habit that has overcome our rational mind, it pulls us along stopping our thinking and ruling our actions. To break free of this habit anger we must take definite steps. There are three steps to breaking negative habit energies. The first is to stop and think. We do this by practicing mindfulness. We must become mindful of our actions, thoughts, and emotions. Becoming mindful of our everyday states of being allows us to notice when we become out of balance, as in moments of arising anger, or anger itself. Noticing arising anger, we realize that it is about to take control of our being and we can take steps to counteract its effects. The second is to calm ourselves by: Noting our anger. We know that anger is present. Accepting our anger. We do not deny that we are angry, we know that it is present. Embracing our anger. Mindfully we know that the anger is ours, has arisen due to us, and is because of us. This has a calming effect. Looking for the source of our anger. Why are we angry, what is the cause? After looking for the source of our anger we reach an understanding of the causes of our anger. Was it due to a mistake on our part? Was it due to a failure to recognize another's problems or due to their lack of understanding? Was it due to frustration? Not getting our way? A failure to control another? Etc. After reaching an insight we can search for an alternative to anger in similar situations in the future. A truly wise person can always avoid anger and still achieve their ends, or at least retreat from the situation. The third step is to rest. After experiencing a negative habit energy our minds and bodies are depleted and need rest to heal. When resting there is no need to do anything, and nothing to gain, just rest. This is a technique recommended by Thich Nhat Hanh which I have adapted and added to, as per my understanding. In my own life, I had a very violent and quick temper when I was very young, about seven or eight. I would fly into an uncontrollable rage when things didn't go my way. Then one day, in the midst of an angry fit, my father said to me that one day my anger would get me into big trouble. I immediately saw the wisdom of that simple remark and my anger started to vanish. Now, I still feel an angry emotion from time to time but seldom allow it to reach fruition. Now I am known for almost never "loosing it". (That's what I like to think anyway LOL).
As Meagain says at the start of the above paragraph, Buddhists recognize the power of habit. In Buddhism that word is called klesha. The words, klesha or habit, themselves are of little consequence, but the principle of developing a habitual and clinging tendency towards certain objects is a deformation of clarity. Objects in and of themselves have no specific emotional quality. When you look at a duck crossing the road, maybe you have somewhere to go and it is making you wait. Then you say 'you fucking duck!' and pound your fist on the steering wheel. Then you start seeing ducks and saying, 'fucking duck.' Soon you make t-shirts that say 'fuck a duck.' And then every time you see a duck your mood is distorted. Of course I am aiming at humor. But in reality the same thing happens quite frequently. But should a person not ascribe any quality to any object? Well objects have qualities. But do they have emotional qualities? I bet if you look into how you entertain any object emotionally you will see perhaps some bias. Kleshas, when they are entertained to a gross degree become this other much used term - samskara, or samsara. A samskara is a tendency which has become so pronounced that one cannot any longer see the original sense of the thing without it dredging up a whole slew of aggravations. Okay, well and good so what to do? I know I have problems with 'jocks' since when I was a little boy 'jocks' used to like to beat me up. Should I hate team sports now? Well, no, in short. As it turns out, growing up in Hollywood was a tough atmosphere, and it's not the same everywhere. So that was my experiece but should that be everybody's? No. This is logic. But do I still, or will I ever play team sports again? Probably not. Bummer? No real loss. But what about Momma? She spanked me, made me feel small as a baby when I would shit. I was told where to go and what to do. I feel resentment still for some reason. How do I get over this samsaric habitual feeling small when I am around Momma? Good luck there! But anyway the most well used tool for preventing ones emotional attachment from hurting others is to be aware of them. And here's where we run into much confusion. The meditations for developing greater awareness are many and they are not all the same. Not every meditation works for all people. If there are 15 sizes of shoe then there are 15 million sizes of mind. Not every shoe fits nor does every meditation work. Walking mindfulness may work great for someone athletic, chanting mantras might work better for someone very mental, and so on. Of course sitting meditation is a good practice to cultivate, and it will serve you throughout your entire life. How many people have an hour with nothing to do, and they freak out, run around and fill their time with distraction? These people can't even drive without being on the phone, eating, and doing their nails while they smoke crack, all at the same time. If you think I'm joking there was a story in the news awhile back about just this, except I think the person was making methamphetamine while they were driving. And doing their nails. I really am not kidding. In Buddhist tantra though one is abjured to not dig out the emotions. You have lots of people always saying, don't feel the hate, don't do this, that, and a few of those other things. Don't touch that! Oh yes, touch it like that instead! In Buddhist tantra the emotions are seen as innate human tools of discrimination. In Buddhist tantra the often poisonous emotions become something somewhat more tender when utilized with awareness. Anger in Buddhist Tantra is called Discriminating Mirror of Wisdom. But not all anger all the time, even for the so-called 'enlightened' is this mirror of discriminating wisdom. Such anger is very useful for transforming negative conditions to positive, but it takes discrimination first, not after the fact. Even amongst the 'enlightened assembly' there are some pompous twits who get all in a rage because someone trips and drops the offering for the altar. So let's sum up a bit. Anger is innate, is a part of the personality, which you do not want to dig up, but which you can use, especially as against true negativity, for creating positivity. But you need some wisdom, some more awareness, which you can get from cultivating some technique which creates the condition of more awareness. Simple really. But here's the important thing to remember. If you entertain the positive then you are making the negative weaker. The simple and easiest thing to remember is the key is intention. The most effortless way to create more positive and fruitful conditions is to feel the intention. You will know when you intend to help, and when you intend to hurt. You will feel this. If you intend to hurt then walk away. If you intend to help then move ahead. Positive intention brings positive karma. Negative intention, negative karma. No intention, neutral karma.
I rarely forgive and never forget - It is not a trait I advocate it is just the truth. Trying to retain a subconscious reaction is exrtremely difficult, though not impossible In respect of self harm - I get that, it can be as simple as an elastic band on the wrist and a snip not a snap of that - thats the practical side, though the mental side will take paitience - good luck with that
There is one more thing I would like to record for posteriority. Few people can love themselves enough to realize that all that is within their circle of phenomena is of themself and should be therefore accorded supremely valuable status. What is outside of oneself is for someone else to be concerned about. But what is closest to oneself is of oneself and one should come to value oneself enough to treat all around one as of value. For instance, this is the city I live in - how great it must be, let me not litter. This is my sister, how lucky I am to have a sister, let me not hit her. This is my wife! Oh boy, good luck there, so she has only three fingers on each hand, she is my wife, I am a great man! This car, it makes much fumes, but it is 90 horsepower, in 1900 the first autos were two horsepower. I am fortunate. My mother, she's drunk again, and fucking the whole block. Man are they all so lucky. I can breathe? In Los Angeles they can't do sports every day because of the smog index. That's not really exactly what I mean. I am speaking to a type of transcendental aspect of ones true status as a human - a creature so rare that we can't find another planet of us. Within this sphere of oneself one is the greatest being forever.
Thank you guys for the insights. I've had a lot of trouble with anger as well. Especially when its directed towards someone I love and I don't want to hurt them. Whereas I don't want to become my anger, I must learn to embrace it instead of stuffing it down. Because it is there for a reason, to teach us something and bring about positive change!
take good care of your anger. hold it like the mother holds the crying baby. by taking good care of the anger, it is transformed. just as the morning sunlight penetrates the flower deeply and the flower opens herself to the sunlight.
Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.
I see anger as having its rightful place in the pantheon of human emotions even as empathy,love and understanding have their places. I think the act of anger as directed at others or ourselves, is mostly because of unresolved issues which can be intellectualized into clarity as bouts of anger manifest. At the instant anger arises,I think one should just stop any and all further conversation/action/reaction and immediately discuss/question why anger has come forth. Right out loud --with the subject of the anger present. That is,I believe,one function for which the brain is particularly usefull,but difficult to begin. Self examination,that is. To take an undesired characteristic of ones self-present it-examine it-turn the resolving of it into a major quest on a continuing basis until it becomes obvious that it is just silly to keep repeating the self destructive behaviour is the way to go. However,anger at injustice needs nourishment and should be lovingly maintained. Short version=think that shit out.
