My relationship is open while my girlfriend is overseas but...

I just saw a picture of her with this guy she's met, and it made me freak out a little. I thought it'd be fine until there was a face to it all. I hooked up with a crazy hot girl the other night and it was awesome. But this seems unimportant to me now and I want out of this arrangement. I told my girlfriend this and she was very understanding, but ultimately wouldn't change the arrangement. She'll be back in 4 weeks, and only one of those weeks will be with that guy. She said she is a little confused about how to feel about him, perhaps because she's never had flings like that. But she said everything will probably go back to normal, but she isn't good with being definite. This was a shift from when she left and we both thought it'd be easy to go back to normal.

Anyway, so I can rationalise that changes are I'll be fine, I just don't know how to stop feeling shit about this all.

 

Now you know what not to do next time. Odds are it will never be the same again. Sorry buddy, but you kinda walked into that one...

 

Things often sound good in theory.

 

You are 21. If you were 61 I'd say you blew it, but at 21 this is just not something to spend much time agonizing over. You will live to fuck up again, rejoice. And, dump her.

 

You feel shit, you made a bad choice. Things will never be the same again I'm afraid. There will be recriminations. Sorry.

 

So why will things never be the same exactly? I still feel the same way about her. I reckon if I hooked up with another girl or two before she comes back in 4 weeks, (which I can totally do), then it'd put things into perspective a bit more. Also, I forgot to mention that she said she still cared about me as much as always, and that nothing had changed in that regard. She's kind of someone who likes to live in the moment, and I guess I should too, and worry about it when I see her again.

 

I don`t know, I can`t have open relationships where my partner is posting pics of whomever she`s fucking online. To me, open relationships require privacy. It would work were I a voyeur, or a cuckold, or a submissive, or if I were also interested in living out my sex life publicly, neither of which are the case.

There are no guarantees, it seems, but in an open relationship, I would like my partner to be able to separate recreational, sporadic, sex from emotions.

If she`s out there falling in love with, and spending copious amounts of time with whomever she`s gonna have sex with, that`s a deal breaker for me.

I have no problem with recreational, sporadic, sex. I also have no problem with my partner loving someone else, so long as I`m notified before they enter a relationship. I don`t want to just run into evidence, or be faced with a fait acompli and I was just blindsided.

It may be that you simply have to come up with some agreements to protect each other`s feelings. But, of course, she has to be willing.

I wish you guys luck. The world needs more open relationships with proper boundaries, IMO.

 

Yeah I think it was a little inconsiderate to have photos like that in her album that is on Facebook. But I guess that's how they naturally posed in photos. I can't really hold that against her, but I kinda want to. I don't think she's falling in love with this guy. We've been going out for 2 months and she hasn't said it. I told her a little too early and it may have scared her off, although she was cool with it at the time.

 

1) out of curiosity: who's idea was this? How did the other party respond?

2) things will never be the same, but that's not necessarily bad; us humans like to view things as stable, but as long as the clock's ticking, everything is always changing.

3) you've only been together two months. This whole thread is ridiculous.

 

Wow - I feel so old reading this.

No - absolutely fucking not - banging a couple more chicks will make you feel ZERO difference from what you feel now. It''s not a competition thing - doens't work that way.

"She's kind of someone who likes to live in the moment" - this is what stupid young people say to describe someone who does things with no regard for others but phrased in a polite way that doesn't make you look like such a chump for tolerating it.

"I guess I should too" Yeah - YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY make yourself exactly like her just to make yourself more comfortable with the situation - that's DEFINITELY the right answer.

 

this ^

 

We`re showing our age, Yazz.

 

This was her idea, but she did it for my sake, thinking I'd be doing more hooking up than she. I was happy with this, because I can rationalise that there is nothing wrong. I can't help feeling this way, but that's not to say I can't get over it. I know we've been together for a short time and it seems silly, but it just doesn't seem necessary to just decide it's fucked and to give up.

Also, since when was living in the moment a bad thing? If you are completely happy with the moment in which you are living, then you are less aware of time, and you are worried about the past and future, and less disappointed if the future doesn't go according to your model of how things should be, because you know that every moment is magical.

 

I am completely happy living in the moment that I'm in and I have no fears, expectations or regrets about the past or the future. Zen. It's worth stalking.

 

It's not for you; she's lying.

She may not be in love, but you are young, sentimental, and eager to love. You have gotten yourself in way over your head. She isn't in love with you; and it sounds like she may favor him.

She hasn't even tried to make this situation easy on you.

You'd be much better off without her.

You can live in the moment and still look out for your future.

 

^ This shows little to no respect for your relationship and a complete lack of the emotional maturity required to have a healthy open relationship.