Friend is a closet case.

A good friend of mine a little while ago said he was interested in doing some sexual stuff and told me he was bi. Well luckily he's pretty hot and we've had some great times but sometime's after he's done then he starts feeling "dirty' and guilty. Well that doesn't make me feel any better bout myself either. Still he's usually the one to get the mood going and the one asking for it.

I even said that it didn't have to be anything serious, just some fun and I'd like to help him feel a bit more comfortable with this in general. I feel like he has a lot of denial and repression with his homosexuality. I don't want to make gay either but at least having him stop being hypocritical. Well is there anything I can say to him?

 

Tell him he's the same person at tue beginning that he is at the end.

 

There really isn't anything u can say he has to learn to love himself for himself by himself

 

sadly it's not uncommon; I've had one guy leave as soon as he came since he felt so guilty.

But then I also had a 3sum wiuth my wife and another bi-guy who, after fucking me half the night didn't even want to touch me in the morning - or indeed all day long until night-time came again; I had a problem with that even if the problem was his!

Simon :sunny:

 

I used to fuck this ugly guy and after sex I would go to the bathroom to clean off and I noticed it made him feel bad so I was like overly affectionate to compensate looking back on it I should've just let it be I regret being so affectionate with him

 

he's probably still figuring things out for himself and/or is dealing with some preconceptions about what gay sex is. just take it easy with him and let him know it isn't dirty when two guys have sex. let him know (if you haven't already) that it feels good to be with him, that you think of the experience in the positive. something like that. that's about all you can do. it might help him. good luck.

 

Tell him that you'll keep the details and everything else to yourself only. You are both probably only exploring your sexuality. There is no reason to broadcast anything. Equally so, there is no reason to start developing any negative feelings about it either.

Try to tell him that this is simply just sex. Nothing really changes in any respect, though vast masses of people have been brought up to believe that their sexual lives do have wider cosmic significance. Nothing is further from the truth than that.

KD

 

I think you need to adjust your attitudes towards this as well.

Humans are full of contradictions; for instance, you are enjoying your time with a guy that sometimes makes you feel like shit.
I think you are being a little too judgmental and not understanding enough, and if you take some more time to mull over his position, you might find that it doesn't affect you so much. Then you could be a much better guide into guilt-free and negativity free pleasure.

You know the society he's been raised in; and in all likelihood he has more personal reasons on top of that. But take some time to understand his mindset, the pressures that he feels.

How was it like for you, when you first realized your feelings - or first realized society's feelings about it?

 

Hmm you're right I don't understand his mindset. He's clearly asking for it in both sober and drunk times and can be a very big flirt. Yet, he then feels bad like a second later. To answer how I felt and feel about being gay and the way others felt on it. Yeah I was in denial for a bit but he started coming onto me lol. Guess it's an issue that I don't flaunt and not many people ask me, though there's been a few. I developed attractions that became impossible to ignore to myself at least.

I told him I'd be totally cool and of course never talk about it to people we know, even when caught one time. We were both picked on a lot, then I asked why we should give a crap what people think. I told him I love be around him and thought he was one of the best looking people I've met. Tried to make him feel good about himself and maybe open up, but maybe I did the opposite. Guess I care because I feel that he's beating himself up over osmething he does want.

 

I think u fell in love with him and wish he was more willing to be gay all day with u

 

It's definitely a tough issue; but you're trying and you should be proud of yourself for that.

Just make sure that he knows you're there for him if he wants to talk (which, I assume he does already, but you'd know better than me) and try to be understanding and supportive without being too pushy.

All you can really do.

 

some guys have a harder time with it than others. and a guy's psychological makeup plays a huge role in it. we're not all the same under the identical circumstances. some guys discover they like men and the rest is pretty self-explanatory for them, others find it so unbelievably difficult to accept that part of themselves.

and it does get frustrating being with someone like that. but there isn't much you can do. he has to figure it out for himself that self-denial and regret doesn't get him anywhere good. and he either gets it or doesn't. unfortunately some guys go their whole lives trying to be something they're not, living a lie. and it is one of the saddest things to see. you can be there for him as much as you can, but you also gotta retain your own sanity in the process. some guys do come around eventually, but if he's not the one, there is nothing you can do about it.

 

I say have ur fun with him and then find some one new

 

I say call him up right this minute and the two of you fuck each other till you're cross-eyed....then get some glasses so you can see and do it again. Enough wild-eyed fuck me silly stuff and you'll both be too tired to get all psycho-dramatic. Repeat this approach More often than necessary...hire help if necessary

 

This^

 

Hehe wild cross-eyed sex. Thanks for response guys. I do feel like maybe I did fall in love a bit and was just trying to make something happen
. I'd hate for something like that to be one sided of course so I think I'll try to move on as best I can, I'm starting to feel cheap.