For parents, is masturbation still a 'no go' topic?

It was a couple of weeks ago that my just 13 year old daughter threw it out there, “Mom, should I start masturbating?”

Slap! I had no idea what to say, so ice-cream seems a reasonable diversion. What do you say?



Horrified that I didn't have an answer I asked a bunch of parents: “Polly asked about masturbation, what have you told your children?”


There was silence, unusual for this bunch. No, still more silence. “Nothing” said one.


“My kids haven’t asked, I’ve told them about sex, but they haven’t ‘asked’ about how to masturbate!” said Sal.


We walked on, in silence once again until Simon concluded “tell them to go google it!” End of conversation. Are some topics that are best left to the internet to educate?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_HfjqdmMS0"]Masturbation in ROSEANNE - YouTube
Classic..

 

No expert but I think its best to openly talk about such things and provide some real guidance. Its perfectly normal and a healthy way to satisfy urges and discover oneself. My mother in law bought my wife a vibrator when she was that age, saying its better than getting pregnant too soon.

A plus side is that open communication can really make life easier when she comes to you for other important advise.
I hope that helps!

 

Why do all your posts feel like I'm reading an Article from a magazine?

 

Mine?

 

no no sorry I meant the OP Jillhazes.........

They just seem to come across scripted or something almost bot like

 

Oh, I see what you mean. Even if the op is a bot, others may find this thread helpful if the advice is genuine. Best to stay positive, no?

 

True I suppose.....

 

just talk to them if it comes up... don't get what the problem is...

 

seems to be original postings. Im not getting any google hits from it and Ive searched a number of the OP's posting. This issue is MOOT.. Thanks..

 

Cool ty for that.

 

I would say, "It`s your body. You can do anything you want with it, as long as it doesn`t harm you. And, when you`re independent, even harming yourself will be your own business."

If she wanted to talk about details or specific instances of it, I might talk about it ONCE, and let her know that I would prefer to keep details private unless something was troubling her.

 

I'm not a parent (yet), but common sense tells me that for some sexual topics like masturbation are awkward to discuss for some people kids and parents alike, and in other cases it's as simple as asking about the weather. There's no real yes or no answer to your main question.
(Just like there's no one size fits all scenario in life in general)

The trend of what is taboo to discuss and what isn't is in constant flux and should be since this generation is in the information age. Personally I disagree with parents who just take the attitude of a hands-off let them "google it" approach because I've done this, and there's a LOT of misinformation about sex, STD and STI's, as WELL as some very good sources of information. But honestly I don't know many kids who do their research through and through about (anatomy, biology, psychology) relationships in general, STI, contraception and the like.

I remember in health class back in high school, my peers would ask these questions that I could tell were from school rumors, what they've seen in porn or read about in a magazine, and it was really sad to watch knowing they thought that before the teacher gave them the truth. (and this was comprehensive sex ed btw, I can't imagine how misguided abstinence only sex ed kids are)

I've even heard of parents learning a few things or two if they can get comfortable doing research about it alongside the kids who ask.

---
Personally, in your situation the ball is in your court now since she pretty much got up the courage to ask, so I suggest going up to her when you two have a private moment and resume the discussion. Tell her the truth that you got silent because you didn't really know how to handle the question, she might be a bit embarrassed about bring it up now.

In short I don't think it's as much of a taboo as it once was, the need for that discussion logically speaking makes more sense to society now than it did say in the early 1900's. You should also tell her about safe and non-safe material to use when masturbating by the way.
(I once heard about a girl who used a class coke bottle and it shattered inside her)

However you should feel proud that she came to you with a topic like that, that really does give you a peak into the trust of your mother-daughter relationship. Kudos!

(Note: No offense, but I also would just like to add that I usually don't consider one's friends as a credible source of finding out what's appropriate to discuss simply because I've noticed that people tend to surround themselves with like-minded people, and the response you might get could possibly be a reflection of your own beliefs or feelings about a said topic. Plus if I had kids I just wouldn't feel comfortable telling other parents what my son or daughter asked me in implied confidence)

 

I am surprised that at thirteen, she asked you if she should start masturbating!
Would've thought she'd have been doing it least a year or two. Tell her there is no shame! Buy her a dildo! Get her a cold carrot from the fridge!

 

For awhile I was just bemused by the comments you and others make, but now I guess it's time to begin to respond.
I guess my first question is, this is a site for discussion, does writing style matter? Presumable you read to posts to be challenged, provoked or just to kill time - whatever.
If you don't like the topics I get that, I guess then don't read them.
So what really is the problem here, if you make it clear then maybe we can further discuss your issue.

 

i find the OP hard to believe. no kid would actually ask their parent a question like that.

i certainly had no problem figuring it out all by myself.

 

My kids never once asked me and to be honest I do not think they would.

I have openly spoken to them about privacy issues and they will masturbate, it is normal and healthy. They simply must respect that there are privacy issues and boundaries on behaviours. I did not do this as they became teens it was from and early age when they just naturally touched their body parts as it felt good. That was the time to say it is all good but respect the space of others as well as your own.

I am not going to discuss with them when I masturbate and I do not expect them to tell me when they are going to either.

If they have a sexual issue that requires help, I have made it clear that I would discuss anything and if I could not help would try to find them help to deal with what ever it is.

 

I don't see any reason not to talk to one's children about masturbation, if it's approached in a mature, healthy way.

 

I will tell mine it is normal and healthy, but best done in private. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

And Then They Open A Hip Forums A/c, Log Into The

Real Kinky Forum, And Discover The Most "Kick's For

Your Buck" Is If You Do It In Public...:2thumbsup:.

I'm So Glad I Never Had Kids....



Cheers Glen.