We won our court case!!!!

I have to do it now that you got me started, and forgive me, totally unrelated, but:

Theres another scene in 'One Fine Day' where not long after they meet they are having an argument, Jack (Clooney) seems to hesitate after having to remember her name, Mel (Pfieffer) starts rambling on about how theres so many girls it must be hard to keep track of one name. Then he climbs back down off the escalator, walks slowly up to her and whispers in her ear "I know your name Mel", then it looks like she has an orgasm right then and there. Rarrrgh (In my head I'm Mel though not Jack)

The only stupid thing about that movie is that they dont even kiss at the end, he just falls asleep, must have been written by a Canadian

 

Wether there's another guy in the picture or not has nothing to do with his responsibilities to his child...in fact, ALL COURTS will agree with me. The only reason I expected it was because it's the law. Why should my husband (assuming he wasn't a great man) have to pay for my mistakes? (Mistake being chosing to have a baby with a man who wasn't ready, not having my amazing child). I don't understand your line of thinking on this one--it's not just me that thinks a man should support his child, it's the law. Are you saying I'm wrong for expecting child support or the courts are wrong for making a father pay support to a remarried mother?

No one in real life (besides my family and my husband) knows how I really feel about my ex. Im not the type of person to go screaming at the top of my lungs to anybody will listen what I think of him. They don't want to hear it and it does nothing for me. I certainly don't say anything in front of my son. In fact, my son has never heard a negative thing said about his bio dad. I work hard to keep it that way.

Yes, I do think I will do it differently because I am my own woman. I know who I am and I know my son. I read and I learn from other peoples mistakes. If I don't know how to handle something, I read and see how different people handled the same thing and what their outcome was and apply what fits for my situation. I'm not saying I'm perfect or know how to handle every situation, but I do know what's best for my family.

I can't help but think you've been wronged by something similar in the past, for nothing I say is able to convince you I am different than the people in the situations you've encountered. Ultimately it doesn't matter what I say, I'm not changing your opinion of me and that's fine because what you've said doesn't make me feel less confident about my decisions. I will remember what you've said and use it as ammo for what not to do but as with any advice, it's taken with a grain of salt.

 

Barefootlocks.....

My oldest daughter went through what you said you feared the most. Her son's dad wasn't there at all until the boy turned 13, the age where he could make his own decision about where he wanted to live, so his dad brain washed him into thinking he was Mr. wonderfull and it was his mother who was at fault. He never changed one dirty diaper-feed him or stayed up with him all night when he was sick.
She did without so as to take care of him. The father denied he was the father and had to be taken to court to prove other wise. he had to be taken back to court several times to get him to pay child support. She nor I have seen him in 4 years now. You did the right thing and I am proud of you for standing up and doing so.

 

I dont have an opinion of you, just re skimmed all of that, dont think theres anywhere where I told you what to do. Yes to me, once remarried expecting child support doesnt seem right, I'm sure with new hubby the plan was to have a bunch of kids anyway. Pay for your mistakes? Whats the difference if ones not biologically his, or theres 3 instead of two, or whats the difference between this and adoption.

Or what about shoe on the other foot, if ex got full custody, remarried and was starting the second half of the family, you were working saving for your own family, but that saving was inhibited by paying for a kid you didnt get to see, and then later you went on to start that family money was even tighter cos you were still paying child support for someone elses family, how would you feel?

And this as another example, from the dad of a gal in similar shoes, so not objective. No one brain washed him, 13 yr old can think for himself. Just as likley he gets fed up with being smothered by the mother or nagged about clothes on the floor. That liitle dude like your little dude in a decades time if the bio dad shows up again, is only going to worry about his little world, the bio dad is just going to represent another adult in his life that pays him attention, buys him Nintendo games or whatever. In either case they are not going to have any idea of any history when they were a toddler. He's not going to give a shit about who did better with or without whom or whatever


And have you thought ahead, does he look like the ex?, when he gets to his teens and perhaps be too much a reminder of your ex. You're not going to overcompensate too much and try damn sure he doesnt turn out like the ex? If you do its likely it will end up having the opposite effect you plan

 

VG... you do not know my Daughters whole story, I cut it down so as to fit into this forum and to tell of a similar case. How can you have so much wisdom on how all of this came about and not have been involved in any aspect of the story?

My Daughter never once said anything bad about her sons dad, and he was never her husband. He couldn't stand up and be a man and be a father to his son until he was 13. Once again he was the only person she had been with and he would not own up to being the father. Had to take him to court to make him own up to it.

He... Never held his precious son..... Never once changed a dirty Diaper.... Never once held him or comforted him when he was to young to care for himself.... Never once fed him....Had to be forced to pay child support even after he was proven to be the father. He had no time for his son. Why you might ask? Because while his mom was doing all of that working to support him and finish school he was out chasing pussy. A baby boy gets in the way of all that.
Smothered ? Nagged? What does who he looks like play any part in this? I hope to God he doesn't end up like his dad and is a responsible man.

Are you one of those Dads who is only around when it is not messing up your schedule? Sounds like this is to close to home for you. Have you been there and done that?

 

Good for you sweetie! I wish I could get the judges to do the same for my oldest son. Glad to hear that your case went well. Sorry about the ex's mother. She's probably just bent because her deadbeat son didn't get his way.

 

Good for you BFL. Your son needs a man who is active in the day by day role of being a good loving parent. You have a healthy attitude about letting your boy contact the bio dad in the future. Anybody who is throwing cold water on you is demonstrating their lack of comprehension of your personal situation. I'm glad for all of you and sad the bio dad/Gmother did care enough about your son to be involved...their loss.

 

Thank you guys, truly. I don't need the approval of others but it's definitely reassuring to know others think I made the right choice. Thanks again.

 

Heard / Seen this one too many times. The funny thing though is, it is your fault, you do realize this?


She probably realized early she wasnt going to find better than her dad.

Look, if this guy you are talking about is a real something something, all the other girls think he's hot. The type of guy where they say stuff like "Oh, I dont trust myself with him" then none of them are really going to believe that she was going to be able to hang on to him, that she didnt want his babies.

And the clear picture of that doesnt happen till 30 years later, your daughter is sitting around with the other mums, they ask one of the other mums how there son is "Yes, he just got a promotion at the tax firm he's in" "Oh really, thats nice.......funny weather we are having lately". Then they turn to your daughter, by now her son's turned into tall dark and handsome "Ooooo oooo and hows your son doing?, ooo yeah, argugargugarg" whilst wiggling in their chair and rubbing their nipples cos all of a sudden they are extra sensitive. Your daughter gives herself a little smirk "Yeah take that bitches, my sons way hotter than yours"

Your daughter or grandson would have been better off if he'd stuck around?. You dont know that. And is that really what you would have wanted. If they had to move interstate for his work, and all you get is a card at Christmas and a phone call every Sunday night, only get to see your grandson once a year.....in comparison to this way, where they are a lot more in your life.

Your son needs a responsible father, why exactly? because all guys raised by single mums turn into serial killers? Truth there is pretty much the exact opposite of what everyone else will tell you. They are more likely to actually grow some nads if they learn to be self sufficient and take on that man of the house role early

I dont have any direct experience about being you or you daughter, but I do being your grandson. I was a teen back in the 80s, the single parent thing wasnt as common, I was surrounded by a whole bunch of other kids, whose fathers for the most part had a whole lot of pent up anger at being married too young, or anger for whatever reason, too controlling, aggressive, which would often be taken out in a physical manner on their kids, or if not all that stupid king of the hill shit, rules for just the sake of making rules, or really just a whole lot of insecurities about their ability as a parent which get taken out aggressively. This was the reality. Even though out of their mouths came a whole lot of crap about family values, or being a proper role model for the kids is. And I encountered a whole lot of that attitude, oh you really should have a father.

Whereas as from my perspective, I'd come home from school, hi mum, a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but then sit down watch TV and dinner, quiet,relaxing. But then go over my friends houses and it was a whole lot of "rah rah rah rah", do this, do that, how many times have I told you...." just a whole lot of noise. Geezus Christ, why exactly am I supposed to have a father again?

Sure we didnt have much money, but all that really meant at the time was I didnt have my own Atari, and all that really meant is I'd just go over a friends place to play his, so it forced me to be more social anyway. At the time I focused more on the fact that I didnt have my own Atari than whether or not I had a dad. And it'll be the same with your grandson, only it will be Nintendo Wu and there will be a lot more kids at his school with only one parent, so it'll be even less of a thing.

I think you'll end up working your daughter may have planned this all along, or all least graded every guy she's ever met in comparison to you. As I said, in the end your fault for being such a good dad. Your daughter is probably one of the smart ones. Your grandson is probably better off without him.

And you? Back to your daughters sitting around with the other girls over lunch and they ask her how her dad is, whilst scrunching up their nose "Ohhh, he's soooo sweet". Or when they meet you they batter the eyelids "Hi Mr Tazeeeer". You aint fooling me, you soooooo luv that shit

Your daughter was doing that for the kid, not for him.










And to barefoot:

Something like that pops out without you thinking to much about it. But just so you know, its going to sound holier than thou to anyone that grew up with a single parent. And its just going to come off sounding bitchy to any other girl where the guy/husband didnt stick around

Another example of something you just cant say out loud to anyone, cos its just going to sound like you are trying to reassure yourself too much.

Who the most important father figure is, is up to your son. Even if you were still with the ex and the ex was still his live in dad, doesnt mean his favourite father figure is going to be the dad. Its the Grandad in a lot of cases, or could be an Uncle, or doesnt even have to be a guy, if you had a sister that raced motorcycles, could be her. Regardless, whoever that father figure is that your son will look up too, you have zero influence and control on that choice

 

VG You don't know shit !!!!! The way you think things happen or happened are way off. Go back to your gorrila cage and fling shit another direction.

 

Its cos I didnt grow up with a father, thus I'm obviously damaged. I dont know how I function from day to day. In fact, I'm not even sure I'm worthy to respond in this thread. Too socially inept to realize I need to agree with what everyone says and just say things they want to hear so I can get everybody to click on my green thumbs, so I get 3 out of 3 members like this post, so I can sleep at night. Cos normally I cant sleep at night, have to rely on Valium...obviously, cos I didnt grow up with a father and all.


Its not enough to just not say anything negative about about the father to the grandson, you also have to drop that holier than thou crap that somehow not growing up with a father makes him a lesser person. Either the Grandson is going to believe that crap and grow up with self esteem issues. Or if he gets that from his grandad, just think its a whole lot of old school nonsense, my grandad thinks his generation is better than mine and rebel anyway. i.e. do pretty much the exact opposite of the advice you are giving.

Details of family law, child support, any stupid history between the parents is irrelevant to the kid. All the kid is going to see is that mommy wont let me see daddy cos daddy doesnt give her money. Money is most important to mommy, which gets expanded to money is most important to every girl like mommy, which in his world is every adult female he sees, cos he only really sees other mums. Thus it gets re-enforced early that all women are gold diggers

If any of you are going to claim its about the kid first, then you let him see the dad no problem. If not, dont even bother trying to pretend its not about money, or stupid little jealousies, vindictiveness, or getting a little buzz from thinking you are better than someone else


Anyway, I'm off to rob a grocery store, then sell my hiney for crack....cos thats what guys that grow up with no father do

 

what a bunch of crap this thread turned into