Hi girls! I'm new here! I realy need some advice! Or at least to get that out of my chest because it hurt so much! Long story short, I'm 26 years old and I'm a lesbian. I've only been in a relashionship once in my life, and it was with a guy. It lasted 5 years during what I was questionning myself. Then I made my coming-out. I then fell madly in love with my bestfriend (how original -__-). I learned that she was bi, and she broke up with her boyfriend. I confessed and she was open to the idea of going out with me, but asked me for time to think about it. She even talked to her parents to prepare them. I've waited 6month for her answer, during that time we had a lot of conversations about it. But one of our friend started to flirt with her, and she admitted they slept together :S when she told me that nothing would ever append beetween us two unless she was sure of it... it broke my heart... how could she tell me something like that and then slept with hims after 2-3 weeks of flirting?? Well... they are now a couple and I felt like crap, but still am her bestfriend and she tells me ''I love you' everytime and how she miss me... I'm over it, I suffered enought because of her. After some time, I started to go on a gay forum, like this one. Someone, a girl, spotted me for some reasons, because of comon interests. She send me an email, asking if I wanted to correspond. She was bi, I was curious, but sceptical. I'm not going on dating sites, I was not looking for anyone at the moment. We soon started to chat and saw that we had a lot in common and could understand each other. She had a hard past and I would listen to her and try to help, and did the same for me. One day she gave me her phone number, and I gave her mine and we started to msg, a lot! She is the first to msg me in the morning, and the last before going to sleep! After some week, she asked me if I wanted to meet her. At that moment, I wasnt sure if it was a date or something like that, so I considered we were only meeting as friends, but what is the difference realy! we were only trying to know each other. I liked her, a lot! But I'm shy and wasn't sure if she felt the same. The next day she was asking me if I wanted to see here again the same week! A good thing, right? She said she liked me! That she wished I enter her life! That I was refreshing. And things like that. We fastly bcame friends! I've gone at her place, and meet her 'roomate'. Well she alsways speaked about him as her roomate..... but... I realized they were in fact a couple..... what the heck??? She told me afterward that she didn't want to tell me at first because she didn't want to lose me if i ran away in confusion! She didn't want me to think that she was seeing people just to get out of her relation. What was she expecting?? What does she wanted of me from the beginning?? Because there was ambiguity in some of her msg and all. But I never expected much, in fact I was on my guards from the beginning becaus of my last story. I stayed calm. I didn't ran away. It seems that she somehow realy need a friend like me right now and I offered her my friendship. She was so glad and couldn't believe I didn't saw her as a monster or a weirdo. Her relashionship is uncertain, and she feel totaly lost in her life right now. She even confessed that she knew she would be a lot happier out of that relation. But still, the whole thing is realy confusing for me. I did start to have feelings for her. I mean, I'm human! Some of my friends who I told about my new 'virtual friend' were all '' so how did it go with that girl *wink wink*'' '' ho... she has a boyfriend'' and than I got those shocked stares... ...what does she want of me? Is she planning on cheating? Is she realy only want a close friend and new entourage to start over? Until now she was hidding her relationship status, but she sudenly changed it to ''fiance''. Why was she hidding it from me anyway? -____- why love have to be that complicated! Why am I always stuck in those kind of weird situations XD It was her who came to me in the first place. She is coming at my place this week end and she will be sleeping here... I'm kinda scared for some reasons lol
Hey,posting from my phone so excuse any awkward auto corrects. It sounds like you are suffering from a lack of self esteem. You deserve to be someones choice not their default. Why should you settle for love that comes with restrictions, time limits, and male drama. I get the whole let's be friends because I can't offer more but just too string someone along is wrong. It might be that sometime in the future your relationship with her might change but until then I would date around. You are worth more and can definetly fnd it. No need to settle.
^-^ thanks for your anwser! (dont mind the correction, english is not my first language, I probably worst than your auto correct! ) I know I have a lot of work to do on myself. At least I know I'm way more confident since my coming-out. I just don't understand how people can be so selfish and not see what they do on others (or see it and enjoy it!) besides, those 2 girls are both younger than me. Even if they have more 'relationship experiences' than me, I know I'm way more mature in therm of love. They are just not at the same point than me in there life i presume... I'm not saying I'm looking only for '' the love of my life '' but it seem difficult to find an honest and serious person. It's hard for me because I dont like to ''plan'' things out. I dont like going on dating site and such, and I dont know a lot of lesbians. But I'm always extending my social circle and meeting new people, I do a lot of various activities. I just hope someday I'll find someone like that. Or that someone will find me ^-^ (she'll be the lucky one!!! )
