We won our court case!!!!

We won!! Its true!! As of today my exs parental rights are terminated! It will take about 6 months until my husband will be able to adopt my son, but today was by far the hardest part of the process. I feel kind of bad for him and his mother but on the way out the door she tild me to "burn in hell" and I felt a little better that I made the right choice. My husband is amazing and my son and I am lucky to have him in our lives.

 

Yay!

 

congrats

 

Thank you for the news BFL! Best of luck with you and your son!

 

is you ex worthless? Why don't you want your ex to have rights? Just curious.

 

even though your post was done in a happy tone, it makes me a little sad...

 

O.W.L--yes. He has made no attempt to support my son either physically or monetarily. My husband has been my son's daddy since he was 4 months old. He now finally has the legal leg to stand on if anything should happen to me or our son.

Death--It makes me kind of sad too. But in all fairness, he had every opportunity to make an effort...he chose not to. Also, I will be open and honest with my son and tell him what really happened. When he is older and if/when he tells me he wants to meet his bio dad, I will show him how to contact him. I don't want him around while my son is still very impressionable though. But yes, I do feel sad about it. I wish he would've been the man I thought he was when we decided to have a kid together. Believe me, I would've rather us had the picture perfect relationship, even if that meant we were seperated. But my ex chose not to be a part of it.

Thanks for the congrats though guys.

ETA: The good part is though, my son will not go without a loving dad. Just because he's not his bio dad doesn't make him any less of a dad to my son.

 

you're right, he had a choice. I'm sure one day he will want to meet him.

 

sorry she told you that.. i hope everything goes well for you all.

 

Congrats.

 

Thanks guys! Between this going through and the new baby on the way, I'm pretty much on cloud 9! I knew all that stressing and everything had to be worth it in the end.

 

Great news barefoot!

 

Yes, too bad for his inability to be a father and sorry for the grandmothers anger. But great new for you and your new family.

 

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/gloat

Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth:
Lest the LORD see [it], and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath from him. (Proverbs 24:17-18)

I represent the gloat police. Proceed with humility, lest the tide turn against ye.


Example:

My sister's first husband, whom she married after graduating high school with a baby bump (they met on a summer job at UCLA, where they were both working in the Nuclear Medicine and Radiation Biology Lab), was a student studying for his PhD, and she, a music major at the same school. She landed jobs before he did, and supported the family, but felt smothered at times, so based on her income, she rented an apartment for herself in West Hollywood, with a piano. She would go there to be alone and just veg out.

One day she comes home and finds him and his ex bumping uglies. She freaks, and tosses all the ex's clothes out the door, ripping and tearing, and pouring grape juice all over them. They have to call the police to subdue her.

By this time, their son was 14.

Court case: divorce, with my mother as a witness to the fact that he was using marijuana around the kid. She wins custody.

Years later, she's on her second husband, still "living the life", and goes off and leaves this one (and her 8 year-old daughter by him) for yet another man, who has a wife and 4 kids of his own, in Georgia. They eventually marry, but through the process, she alienates most of the family, including her son, her first child.

Now, years and years later,,(her son is nearing his fifties now, and the head of legal for a major bank in Asia), he still hasn't spoken to her, in all that time. He is now close with his dad, however.

Things change.

The way your child sees you and how you treat others, even the "irresponsible ones", will have an affect on his/her willingness to remain your friend, as time goes on. They're continually assessing and re-assessing.

 

Thanks Joe.

Arthur--While that may be true, I don't think I was out of line. I made one post sharing the good news because many of the commentors have been following my story from the beginning. It is only fair (the way I see it) to thank them for their support during the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Believe me, I above all people wish things would've turned out differently. Unfortunately, this man was not (and probably will not ever) be ready for the responsibilities being a parent entails. I have not done anything to "rub it in" my ex's face.

Furthermore, I am a good mother. I know an open line of communication with my son will be the thing that saves us. I do not expect to hide the truth from him, nor will I bad talk his bio dad. When he asks about his bio dad, I will tell him that he simply was not ready to be a father...not that he preferred to sell drugs rather than change diapers, not that he emotionally abused me, not that he pushed me up against the wall with his hands on my face to hold me there...simply that he was not ready to be a father. When the time comes when my son asks to meet his bio dad, I will do a quick assesment of his maturity and give him the info he needs to find him. My son is smart. He does not need me to make up his mind for him. He will easily be able to see him for what he really is...manipulative. If my son for some reason ends up hating me, so be it. At least I will have the peace of mind to know I protected him in every way possible and showed him the right path. I have full faith that if this happens, he will come back to me.

But thank you for the reminder to be humble.

 

Reallyl please for ya, BFL.

I work for a lawyer and I see a lot of court cases at all stages, and I know what an emotional drain they can be on all involved.

So I'm really really pleased that it's all over for you now.

 

Thank you beachball

 

I dont understand though, if you are already with another guy whos playing dad, then why does the ex have to pay? or get involved any way. Your ex can be a total dick but still think two dads is going to get too disruptive for the kid and just think, well thats the family now, best if I keep out of it. It would be different if you were a single mum and he wasnt paying child support. But since you are re-married, does just sound vindictive

Especially when you say this:

Its got nothing to do with how impressionable your son is, you've got no idead whats really going on inside his head, you've never been a little dude

Is it really?, especially when puberty kicks in they are programmed to compete with the dad, thats natural, plus they are automatically going to assume they are supposed to be an improvement on the last generation. Then on top of that, wrapping them up in cotton wool, spoiling them too much....is that actually better, especially for a male child?

You think its good because it makes you feel all clucky and gooey, its got nothing to do in the end with what is going to be best for your son, you are never going to know the difference between if he grew up with the two of you compared to just you as a single mum

 

Vg my ex has never paid a cent of child cupport and has seen my son less than 10 times IN HIS LIFE! The reason we did this is to prevent my ex from walking in one day, 10 years from now and saying "I want to have a relationship with my son" and completely turning my sons world upside down.

You are more than entitled to disagree with me, however, you have no idea how I will raise my child (baby him or not) so please stop acting like you know what's going to happen.

We feel like we are doing the best thing for our son, as do all parents, or we wouldn't have made this choice. Call me vindictive or whatever else but ultimately this was about protecting my son. If what we are doing is so horrible, the courts wouldn't have agreed this was "in the best interest of the child", after all, that's their job.

ETA: are you saying that just because a woman remarries a bio dad shouldn't have to pay court ordered child support??

 

But wouldnt a big reason for full custody being granted is that you are already re-married. Wouldnt the decision have gone differently if that wasnt the case?

I wasnt calling you vindictive or a bitch, my point was most everyone else will think that. If you were a single mum and he wasnt paying child support, then yeah sure he's a dirtbag. But if theres another guy in the picture, not just a boyfriend, but husband and step dad, I dont really understand why you would think the ex needs to pay anything, the only reason would seem to be vindictiveness, and I think most would see it that way. The ex in the next couple years will probably go on to pay for his own family.

You've got the new husband, a family, any anger still directed at the ex is going to come off looking nasty to everyone, especially your son.

Download "One fine day" its my favourite rom com, George Clooney and Michelle Pfieffer are single parents. Pfieffer has a little dude. There's one scene where's she's tucking him in to bed, he asks Why dont you love Daddy anymore (her ex) and she says "I'll always love your Dad for giving me you" Awwwwwwwhh, mush, mush.......but do it that way, take the high road

Its actually stuff like that you have to watch out for. I have no idea? Because you are going to do it so uniquely different from the other 2 Billion mothers on the planet? None of them completely objective about it.

An example: In just over a decades time, some career counsellor or teacher at his school thats able to test his abilities, be objective about it and not really know or care about your son may be able to assess he's really good at maths, doesnt have a long attention span, is better at communicative problem solving than non associative, and would do better in an engineering career than one highly academic. But you want him to be a doctor, cos you use to love watching House MD, doctors make lots of money (or so you think so) and you want to run around to the other mums saying "Oh, my sons going to be a doctor" and thus maybe spend years trying to push him into that line of study - In that situation, that career counsellor, some stranger who doesnt really give a shit about your son, in one way at least does indeed know what is better for your son