The story I am about to write might well not be appropriate in the normal sence for an introduction of ones self but it happends to be what I want to write, and as I have yet to write in the forums it's this I will go with. From my point of view the way a person views the world tells a far greater tale than that of interests and background so I hope others might find that to be the case as well. So, as it happend, only a few days ago I found myself in Amsterdam walking the streets high as a kite and enjoying the pure sensations of light, people and life in a frame of mind normally best suited for relaxing on some pillows on the ground with a cold drink and some chess. Being as I dont partake in any other substance besides tobacco and coffeine back home I found myself quite overwhelmed in the fair city of sin that is Amsterdam ^^ As I was in no frame of mind to carry on any decent conversation or sensible debates I simply walked, for 8 days and nights I walked the streets of Amsterdam non-stop, only resting my feet when the need arose and attaining nurishment when that need presented itself. The coffee-shops were the only places I actually stopped for any periode of time, besides to sleep. But finding myelf unable to communicate with the other patrons I quickly found myself walking yet again. As I peroused around I happend to chance upon the establishment "The marijuana and hemp museum" along my ploddings and decided on entering on the urgings of my fellow travelers joining me for my walk, mind you I was indeed intending to go there in any case but I probably would not have entered at that time, on that day if not for my compatriots. Being as I was not quite receptable to the writings and details of my surroundings in my frame of mind I must admit that I did not take over me the full experience this wonderul little museum had to offer but I was gifted a far more amazing experience and did go back the following day to more consciously take in the information presented. Standing around the vaporizer booth and talking to the nice people behind the desk I found myself in conversation with a fascinating, tall character wearing a cowboy hat and whom was in possession of some in-depth knowledge on fields of interest I myself find fascinating. I had the first "real feeling" converstaion I had experienced since I got there. As we were animatedly talking and discussing, me generally oblivious to my surroundings and completely enthralled I suddenly notice that a hand keeps popping into my peripheral vision, putting objects on the counter for the cowboy hat wielding stranger I'm in converse with. Crackers, milk, general items that wouldn't normally catch any attention, yet... There was something... As I start taking notice my eyes swivel down to a beautiful hand laying said items on the disk and as my eye travels upwards I notice the unmistakeable outline of a Niquāb (of course unable to remember the name at that time). I look up the black fabric until I reach the slits for the eyes, made to stand out by a bead of pearls down the nose ridge, and, what do you know... I am meet by the sight of the most beautiful green eyes I ever saw, intensified 10 fold by the lack of other sensory impressions. How to explain a pair of eyes that feels like they bore into the depth of your soul and back out again in the matter of seconds, weighing and balancing your soul with the flick of an eye then intenesely studying the workings of your mind in it's most intricate detail.. No, words wont suffice to explain such an experience but I dont doubt that there are many others out there in the world that can understand the sensation. Now, for a person like me that has abstained from sexual contact for what must now be around 4 years, with a somewhat similar pattern on socialising in general. That single moment of eye contact. That soul shaking gaze... It sent my mind racing down pathways I havent experienced in a very long time. Trying to carry on my earlier conversation, this beautiful, mysterious and strange girl joins in and predictably enough my mind starts boiling and fogging up with a confusing mixture of delight, fascination, sexual interest, wonderment... and so on, some small part of almost every kind of sensation kept screaming for attention in my head and as you might imagine the act of carrying on the conversation and making verbal sense became quite a challenge at that point ^^ Now mind you, although I had a lot of pleasant sensations at this point I was immediately aware that my current mental state would not allow for conscious protection of my belongings and so I automatically dedicated some thought process to the task of keeping hands close to pockets and staying aware of the people around me to the extent of knowing if they attempted to pick my pockets or were just standing around. This might sound extremely paranoid and constrict to a lot of people, seeing as putting yourself into that frame of mind is bound to influence your behavior and attitude outwards. But having traveled some in my life and seen a lot of dark places in this world I have yet to have a single item stolen or money lost on other than foolish conscious acts. Even when in a state of such immense mental reduction as I experienced on this trip and others on occacion. Mind you, it has been close a fair few times and these automatic reactions developed from those experiences. Although... As the years go by and you see what consequences that kind of attitude has on your social interaction with others I am sincerely starting to doubt if it is really worth it, items can be replaced but lost chances in life deffinately can not... So, back to the story at hand, having my conversation with this interesting, cowboy hat wielding gentleman (unfortunately I am unable to remember his name), and barely being able to stay focused enough to keep on talking, I just cant help but look at those beautiful green eyes. Now, of course she notices me looking and starts directing some of her side of the conversation directly towards me. Finding myself in a position of talking one on one with her I become completely unable to think or form intelligent senteces, all of this while hearing those cautionary voices in the back of my head: "She's probably together with this guy, compliments can easily be formulated in a fashion unsuited for this situation so caution is warranted". Or, "The whole Niquāb thing is a religious matter, something I happend to be very blunt and un-approving off, any religion that is, but explaining that properly while in this state of mind... no way ^^ And those green, green, green eyes.... XD So, being in a rather simple frame of mind I clutched onto a fact I could honestly comment on without to much chance for a crash and burn, commenting on how cool the Niquāb thing looked, because I honestly thought that it did, and then making a referance to ninjas... and how you could probably have a full face guard under one of those things... Smooth? no way... Smart? Nope ^^ But at least it didn't make me sound like a racist or sexist, which I happend not to be but also have a tendency to sound like when I'm not concious of it on account of environment and upbringing, as well as a sad tendency to take it for granted that people understand what I am talking about Aah, a" grinding no wheels skid" instead of a "crash and burn", the lesser of the rock and the hard place perhaps. So, the conversation goes on somewhat haltingly when this girl proceeds to take off the (I dont know the actual names) dress part of her niquab showing what, to me, looks like a belly dancers dress underneath and a body that would make me howl out loud back in the day... Now, in my mental state at the time, the extra stimulant of a body so hot that it ought to be possible to use for fusion, my brain simply started short circuiting at an exponetial rate. Leaving me to look at pictures, people and lights at random in an attempt to not blatantely check her out, top to bottom, repeatedly, in front of her possible spouse. From that point on I wasn't really aware of anything for a few hours, I remember fading out of the conversation and walking somewhere, repeatedly telling random strangers about the amazing green eyes I had just been lucky enough to see. So here I am, back in Norway, contemplating my 8 days and nights of walking around Amsterdam and I am left with two mementos, one a silver coin bought because being in possession of a silver item seemed interesting at the time, a purchase based on "ought to have a souvenire" rather than any want for that specific item. And the haunting meomory of those mind blowing green eyes and the memento she gave me which is unsurpassed in magnitude by most other experiences and memories I have had yet still being such a small thing. A simple sticker, one portraying "the smoking head of Bob". An image that will forever remind me of those eyes. Now, you might wonder why I would choose to write about this here, and probably rightly so, it just happends that I feel an urge to get this memory down in writing before it starts fading and this seemed an appropriate place to do so, might even happend the guy or gal I meet sees it and remembers. I tried looking for her on the net, pretty sure she has to be connected to the hemp museum and the growing communtiy. But knowing no more than that, those amazing green eyes and a body that could out shine the sun in my eyes I feel I might never again find her and even if I did, then what? I will be going back to Amsterdam in 11 days and cant decide if i should go looking for her again, I believe I will though, as the fascination and intrigue will probably haunt me for the rest of my life if I dont. That failed opportunity to connect with such a fascinating being is quite a blue sensation, dont get me wrong here though, I feel just as sad that I was unable to connect with the cowboy hat wielding stranger but the memory that will stay with me for the rest of my life will be from those amazing green eyes. In any case, I hope someone enjoyed reading this story, I simply had to get it out in a coherent fashion somewhere. And if this "Princess", as the staff at the hemp museum appropriately reffered to her sees it I hope she gets a good feeling out of knowing she touched and brought life back to a heart and soul long cold and unable to feel passion or happiness for the longest time. So, I thank you, my msyterious and beautiful stranger, and I hope to meet you again some day out there on the road of life. For those of you that finds this kind of situation familiar I have only one thing to say. Dont, no matter what else you do, let go of those opportunities and moments that feels like faith taking a concious grip on your excistence, the chance will often not be there tomorrow :/
hey wolty.. :grouphug: if you post enough to become a member it'll let you back into chat. 20 or so post...
Aaaah, I was wondering why I didn't get in ^^ Well, I guess that's fair, never did get around to posting before now so I'll attempt to make it a priority this time around.
wolty, i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but posts in introduce yourself don't even count towards your post count. that mustve taken at least an hour to write..
That's completely ok, after all it was with no intetion of filling any quota that I decided to write it. Some feedback would be interesting but other than that it's all good ^^
