I need a serious opinion if I need help.

I am a drug nerd & have a pretty good knowledge about psychoactives. I am at least a weekly user for the past year and have had a scary recurring thought & desire that I can't seem to shake.


I can't seem to shake this thought imbedded in my mind:

"I want a drug addiction."

I've been a regular Bud user for about 2 years, I can see how it could be psychologically addicting for some, but is never been a problem if I needed to stop.

I've also been a concern lately at parties about how hard I go and my consumption on the weekends.

I honestly do not like alcohol at all & have even had trouble of shaking the thought of turning to that.

It scares me, but I feel like I'm addicted to the concept of being addicted.

I understand that this is bad, be as brutally honest as you need be, and if you have any questions about my experience with psychoactives feel free to ask.

Also (this is that side of me that wants to be addicted speaking), is a hardcore addiction even enjoyable?

Part of me is so frightened, but so intrigued at the same time.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

EDIT: I appreciate all the comments getting back with suggestions and the hard truth. I am looking for a therapist as we speak, I'm considering some in-patient options as well.

 

That is a strange one man, I am having a hard time even thinking about how to address it. I cannot understand why you would want an addiction. It sounds to me like you crave craving and looking forward to smoking pot everyday just doesn't do it for you anymore like I am sure it used to. It is very hard to become physically dependent on psychedelics from my own personal experience, although the mental dependence will present itself from time to time in the form of; "i need to get off this rock" style thoughts. But those are easy to shake.

Do you understand how bad a physical addiction could get? Do you really want chemicals in control of you rather than vice versa? Really think about what you are saying man because that is a pretty hefty order. My only true advice for you would be maybe sober up a little bit by smoking less pot and laying of chemicals for awhile. Take some time to digest where your life journey has taken you so far and where you want to go next. Become familiar with your nerves and your body, you are a beautiful network of organic circuitry (well arranged dust, if you will), do you really want to destroy this at the will of a chemical? If your answer is yes then I guess I would start messing with Special K, Meth, or Opiates. But I am sure even you can see how this sounds.

I really hope you get these feelings sorted out man, try and find an outlet for them (here is a great start!). And please take care man.

 

i cant believe you are being drawn to such severe failure......

have fun with hep and aids,not to mention withdrawal and methadone,std's that follow from all the bad choices,family will ostracize you,JAIL.anal rape in jail,sucking dirty cock in jail,doing ANYTHNING for a pill,waking up in your own shit and vomit and not having clean clothes to change into,eating from dumpsters because you spent your welfare money on crack,death
death
death
death

 

As far as your question, yes I think you need to talk to a therapist. Wanting to be addicted is a destructive and suicidal tendency, which should be nipped in the bud, so to speak.

 

I've always feared addiction, and from my experiences, I'd have to say it is a lie that psychedelics aren't addictive. I mean, I honestly said I never want to touch them again after my last trip, because I felt like I was doing too much.. Maybe I am. But I already know now that I want to do it again.

An addiction is bad man. It will spiral your life out of control, I mean I can see somewhat where you are coming from ,because it could be fun to live a life the way you like, addicted to your love. But as sun fighter said, addiction is destructive. If you leave the real world behind, what do you have left? It's a horrible state for a person, because when you need help, there's not a single person who can give it to you.


Being somewhat of a drug nerd myself, well being interested in this altered state of mind, I can understand your curiosity for such a weird thing. But what do you expect to come out of it? It won't be good, dependency is awful, your highs won't be as high, and your lows will redefine "rock bottom".


With psychoactives, its best to have times of reflection, to learn from it, and learn to learn off of it. I take into note perception of topics with everything now, sometimes I'll just sit down and follow my bodies sensations and see how I feel, who the hell just sits down and thinksn about how their finger or arm feels unless it's hurt? Idk why, but I find that interesting how we can focus our brains sensation.. Don't lose your life for a drug, or any addiction. I think finding a therapist may help if you have the more, someone who can grow as a stability in your life that you can always talk to about the true you. That's my plan


And I always suggest to look into lucid dreaming. It's a free way that requires no money or drugs to experiment with your mind. It's fascinating, and can keep you sober. Also if your really looking for an addiction, this may be the healthiest way to do it, with the best results, you will improve your body and mind if done correctly, and you won't cause any physical or mental damage. You will improve your memory in the dream world and the real world. And it is theorized, that once practiced, you can focus on healing your body in your dreams and it actually works!! There have been cases with patients who have been severely injured, paralyzed that no medications worked for them, but this power of focusing with the mind through dreams and meditation worked! Mysterious and wondrous! Please look at this. Lucid dream

 

I did not enjoy alcohol much either and had problems with it, that is not good.

No addiction is not enjoyable. I think alot of kids today think it's cool to want to live this 'rock n roll' junkie fantasy where they do a bunch of drugs in excess and then have a woes me fall and then redemption type thing. I don't know what you define as 'hardcore addiction' but I definitely have been out of control with drugs before.

I'm not a daily user and I've never understood that often reported 'I use drugs to feel normal' sentiment from some addicts, I use drugs of addiction to escape.

Probably the two experiences that stick out in my mind that just made me feel really lame when it comes to drug addiction are a few evenings I injected bath salts intramuscularly before work and then I'd hobble into my basically minimum wage job because I had bruises all over my leg and work a full shift limping around and then couldn't even lay in bed properly due to the pain. The other is with ketamine, I'd often dig out baggies I threw away out of the trash to try and scrape up little bits and pieces off various bags that clung to it to snort or inject. I have had several other crappy incidents with drugs but those two sum up my drug problems fairly well I'd say.

 

As far as I can tell, an addiction beyond caffeine or nicotine just puts on the brakes.


Just sort your shit out, find a different kind of addiction.

What do you do for a living? What are your interests?(besides taking drugs )

Think of shit you enjoy doing and make an effort to do that, it takes your mind off thinking about drugs before you're actually addicted.

 

don't do it bro! take a break.