The Official Opioid Dependence Recovery Thread

Hi everyone.

I have seen so many topics lately about struggles in overcoming your opioid dependency issues, so I think it is best we start a single thread on it.

You can use this thread to update us on your progress or if you have a relapse or intense cravings, we can discuss it and figure out what triggered it and how to avoid it next time. I am not a 12 step person nor any other 'recovery' model, so I just want to keep this thread about people helping people. No higher powers or ideologies.

So tell us where you are in your opioid recovery and we can help each other out.

MY STORY: I have been plagued with treatment resistant Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder my whole life and a few years back, discovered that opioids were a miracle cure for my suicidal ideation. I took Tramadol and Hydrocodone (prescribed) because of migraines, but I started taking high doses for 'self-medication'. I occasionally bought OxyContin illicitly.

I read that Suboxone was being used off-label to treat the type of depression I had, and I realized that I was developing a full-blown addiction to opioids (I would wake up at night in withdrawal and stuff), both physical and mental. So before the addiction got the better of me, I met with a good Suboxone doctor who knew about using it for mental illness. I frankly told him that I would pop 10 Tramadol pills per day to keep my depression at bay.

I have been on Suboxone (I have even lowered my dose) for one year now and have not taken any other opioids. Sometimes I desire for a more 'powerful' opioid high, but I realize it is not worth it. I DO get a high from Subs unlike many people, so that reinforcement keeps me 'clean' so to speak.

 

Nice thread as ive said in the past ive struggled with pain pill addiction for a while now. Started out just simply trying to catch a buzz a few perc 10's on the weekends. Then more and more until I was buying whole scripts and doing 20+ a day. Discovered the love of my life 30's addiction really took off then. I always had a hussle so I got to do them relativly cheap. I got to a point of doing 600 mg a day at 1 point and had to find a cheaper way. My hussle couldnt keep up. Next did 1 of the 2 things I swore to never do, H. Started smoking and blowing it and finally met the true love of my life again and was banging. Pure misery it caused so eventually ended up at the 2nd place I swore to never go the methadone clinic. That shit really had me by the balls. I felt great but I could feel the shit eating away from my insides and I was just as addicted as ever. I remember going for a week at a time without shitting, very unhealthy feeling but I wasnt withdrawling.. Finally new I had to do something and got on suboxone. This is actually my 3rd experience on it but didnt take the first 2 to serious. Ive totally changed my life today. Different friends, my family lets me around and my mom doesnt have to hide her purse anymore. I workout 6 days a week and hold a good job down. Ive really try hard to treat everybody I meet the way I want to be treated. I just try to be the best guy I can be today. I hear all the time that I look and act like a different person and thats the thing im the proudest of. I owe it all to suboxone. It is a miracle drug if your mindset is ready. I also owe alot of gratitude to many hoursd of counselling figuring out myself and why I did the things I did. Without them 2 things id still be a scumbag junkey ass lieing thief! But thats not me today. I hope every addict finds a way out of active addiction anyway they can get out!!!

 

*Stumbles in* "This is NA RIGHT? HI my name is Eggo Kil-"

Just kidding guys. Nice thread idea etkearne.

I'm a recovering addict. I really don't feel like posting my entire story today, so I'll give the basic run down. Started with 5-6 hydrocodone 7.5's a month and that lasted about two years. Got introduced to a massive free supply of Tramadol and took as many as I could. It left me wanting more and "harder" pills. Got introducted to a dude who sold MS Contin 30 mg's for 5$ a piece and I would buy and shovel as many as I could into my mouth at a time.

I started to snort them. I thought it would make me need less mg's a day, but in reality it just increased my consumption. I still ate pills, but I no longer swallowed them, I chomped them down. This continued until I was forced to quit. At first I hated being sober, but a year later I was more than happy to be that way.

Long story short, I got into a car accident that should have killed me, broke 75% of the bones in my body, and left me once again addicted to opiates. Only this time, I had large prescriptions for them. I continued taking/snorting them, eventually I was up to 250 (At least)mg a day just to function, not even being high at all. Granted every weekend me and a friend would scrounge together cash and go on binges. I bought every type of opiate imaginable including the big H. One day and some fateful events led me to get clean.

I've been through the rodeo of quitiing/relapse/quitting/relapse so long now I really didn't give myself a shot in hell of staying clean. However this time I've persevered (thanks to a lot of people, inluding you guys) and I have been sober around 8 months (242 days if you are curious lol) and I couldn't be happier.

 

edit: posted wrong.. sorry.. good thread

 

Ok, I am an NA person but to respect OP's thread I will try not to get into that too much.

I started using drugs around 12 years old, smoking weed, eating the ritalin my friends were giving me. Started doing other pills around 15 (xanax, percs, other opiates). Only did them every now and then just to have a different high when i felt like it. Started blowing coke around 16 or 17 and that's the first thing i got really bad on. Started stealing to support my habbit, lying to my parents about things i was doing. I was getting into trouble and still continuing to do the things i was doing, this is when i first realized i had a problem. At the age of 18 i tried heroin for the first time, snorting of course. The second time i every did H i snorted entirely too much, overdosed, my mother was on the life squad that came and revived me at 4 in the morning. Didn't touch opiates for probably a year after that and the very next time i tried them i went straight to the needle. Things went downhill quick, stealing, lying, bad check scams, the whole nine yards. Continued doing this for another 3 years until i finally had enough.

I found NA, this is the path that i choose to take, it is what works for me. Been clean for 15 months now and my life has far exceeded what i wanted out of staying clean. I am a productive memeber of society, i can identify how i am feeling and talk about it instead of running from my fears and burying them under a massive pile of dope. So grateful to have found a new way to live. I really appreciate the fact that somebody made this thread. I hope some people can find the help that they want and find a new way to live. Because i was not living before, i was merely exsisting.

 

Hi Ch3mical Bliss, it's real nice to meet you. 15 months is incredible! I wish you the best of luck and hope to see you on here again soon, I'm sure we could definitely learn a thing or two from you.

 

I am not totally against NA, but this site is for ALL people so I wanted to keep it strictly as a "friend helping friends" type of recovery thread completely dissociated with any ideology. My motto is "whatever works for you works for me!" I am open minded in that respect. Sorry to come off as anti-12-step.

Keep up the good posts friends.

 

Good for you CB, 15 months is a miracle. Im all for NA/AA its helped me alot too. I just dont push it because I remember people pushing it on me and it just drove me further away. I completely agree 100% with ET, get clean by any means necessary. Their is no wrong way to get cleaned up.

Agree great thread...

 

Hope you guys have a great weekend. I'm travelling to Virginia for some family stuff, it'll be nice getting out of this nasty, snow-filled Utah weather.

 

Well I found this site a few days ago and while going down the list of threads I kept skipping this one.

I started taking vicodin a couple years ago. First for toothache, ear ache you know...I noticed while taking the pain away it also gave me a warm fuzzy happy feeling. For the first year I would only do them when I needed them for real pain but would also enjoy the high at the same time. When that prescription was gone it was gone and I didn't even think about them until the next time I had a script. Then a friend of mine's mom was looking to make some money by selling hers. I bought them. I remember looking into the bottle of 75 saying "wow thats alot" my hubby said "yea enough to get addicted" and the rest is history

A few months ago I bought some suboxone. I was determined to do a quick taper. I got through about 5 days on like 2 pills. I was pushing it so hard to do as little as possible so I could say "hey look at me do this" ya know..

I thought I could do one every now and then immediately after that...I mean immediately. I didn't even have time for the subs to get out of my system when I was trying to get high.

5 months ago I was in a car accident so I get a script of norco 10's every month 150. The problem is I can blow through those in less then a week. I'm 5"2 105 lbs...I don't know how that is possible lol

I'm calling tomorrow for an appointment with a sub dr. I'm doing it right this time. I need to talk to someone too so I'm looking forward to that. I had a fucked up childhood and I can't get over it. I refuse to have anything to do with my mom to give you an idea of how bad it was.

I have too much to live for and too much to lose. 2 beautiful children who I had hell having!! A son who I almost lose every few months due to a medical problem he has. ( I may get into this somtime but not now) I guess I'm self medicating for my anxiety and depression

I'm scared but I'm ready

 

Everyday an addict stays clean is a miracle. Yes i agree about pushing beliefs on other people, i don't approve of it either. I guess because my family tried to push catholicism into me when i was little and i wasn't having it. All i can do is inform people of what works for me and let them make a more educated decision on what they want to do. NA would not have worked for me had i not been ready and willing to try it. Things just got to the point where death seemed like the easiest way out.

I remember sitting in my apartment crying and praying for a way out of the life i had. I was presented with this opportunity and i grabbed ahold and have not let go since. It's still a struggle, trust me, i love getting high, i am a drug enthusiest, it's just the consequences that i hate. Remembering those consequences is what keeps me from slipping back into my old ways. I was blessed with the gift of desperation.

 

Is there a suboxone section here on this site? If so can someone link me?

 

Wow what an awesome thread. I came to this site compelled by sick thoughts and feelings of wanting to get high so I figured I would read about other people getting high, and then I stumble upon a recovery thread!

I've been clean for 18 months now and while I obviously do want to get high sometimes, I know that I don't have to, and there are many things I can do instead of using. Tonight I called friends, and like ch3mical said, remembered what happened last time I was getting high and being honest with myself about what would happen if I were to get high right now. I am a true believer that I am an addict, and that no amount of time away from a drug will cure that... I've seen people with over 20 years clean go out and use.

I also go to NA, and I don't push it for the reasons ch3mical stated... It's a program of attraction rather than promotion which means if you want what I have, do what I do, but I'm not going to promote it and push it on you. I do this for me, and it works... that's all I know. ch3mical shoot me an email... weallhumalong@gmail.com also anyone else who needs help or wants to talk recovery feel free to drop me a line

 

For my recovery's sake, I am going to make sure my Suboxone doctor switches me back to the film strips (from the tabs) next time i see him. I have been insufflating them instead of taking them correctly, and I feel bad about it. I don't want to backslide at all, so I'll enjoy the tabs for another two weeks, but I'm goin back to the strips. Less abuse potential.

 

Does sniffing them really get you that high still? Most people I know say after the first week or so Suboxone doesn't really do that much, just makes them feel "normal." I've heard Subutex on the other hand will because of the lack of the Nalaxone.

 

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Good idea ET. It may be a "miracle" drug, but snorting them is definitely abusing them. Good Luck bro!

It's awesome to see people on here with more clean time than me. It really makes me feel better about maintaining my sobriety.

As for the whole NA thing, I don't really have anything at all bad to say about it, it definitely helps a lot of people and it certainly helped me when I was getting clean. I'm all for doing whatever will help you stay clean, but I'm not into the 12 steps thing and surrendering to a higher power.

 

It's not for everybody EK. It's helped me, don't no where I'd be without it. Theirs no wrong way to get clean so keep doing what your doing. Yeah ET that sounds like a good idea. Their hard to abuse the stripts. I haven't found a way, he'll I haven't even looked thank God. Good luck.