My First Trip & The Bad Childhood Memories It Brought

During my first acid trip memories from my childhood set in during and after the trip. I was abused and witnessed abuse as a child by my step father. He used to beat the crap out of everybody in the house including my mother and my four siblings. He used to beat my mother because she smoked weed and whenever she did something he did not approve of. He used to beat my sisters and I if we got bad grades in school or did something bad. It was absolutely horrible and in another forum I will go into detail about some of these memories. Since I left my parents house and since I did acid for the first time I can't seem to get these memories out of my head. I dream about him all the time and I hate it! I wanna know if there is a way I can move on. It hurts so bad some days I don't even want to face the world. Any advice?

 

These memories were locked into your body and they are coming up to release, you will feel much better after you allow them to release.

Check out David Bercelli's Trauma Release Exercises, i recommend getting the DVD and following the exercises.

You can get familiar with the process here:

https://www.youtube.com/results?sea...=9181l9181l0l9713l1l1l0l0l0l0l120l120l0.1l1l0

Remember you have to put in your attention/energy into healing this, there is no magic pill.

 

felix is right, there's no quick fix for this. These issues have needed to be dealt with and now they are in the spotlight . . . lsd is no joke when it comes to therapy so i wish you did your research first and will never do a drug without looking it up yourself and never eat an unknown big dose this could have ended much worse, you're lucky it was acid.

 

The trauma is out in the open and you're experiencing your responses. It may help to know what's really going on, which is likely some degree of PTSD. I'm speaking to you from the perspective of a person who was abused (almost exactly like the whippings that judge in Texas did to his daughter), who spent 13 months in combat, and who has worked with many people with PTSD (refugees, abuse victims, combat veterans). Here is a decent summary of PTSD taken from the APA's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual:

"The essential feature of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder is the development of characteristic symptoms following exposure to an extreme traumatic stressor involving direct personal experience of an event that involves actual or threatened death or serious injury, or other threat to one’s physical integrity; or witnessing an event that involves death, injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of another person; or learning about unexpected or violent death, serious harm, or threat of death or injury experienced by a family member or other close associate (Criterion A1). The person’s response to the event must involve intense fear, helplessness, or horror (or in children, the response must involve disorganized or agitated behavior) (Criterion A2). The characteristic symptoms resulting from the exposure to the extreme trauma include persistent reexperiencing of the traumatic event (Criterion B), persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (Criterion C), and persistent symptoms of increased arousal (Criterion D). The full symptom picture must be present for more than 1 month (Criterion E), and the disturbance must cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning (Criterion F)." Nightmares, depression, etc. are part of it.

The question is, what to do? Treatment is a challenge, but you've already started with your awareness! Medications include SSRIs (like paroxetine), which often relieve both anxiety and depressive symptoms so that there is greater opportunity for integration. However, medicine such as mdma show greater promise in the deep integration that really does lead to healing. It's a lifelong process. What helped me more than anything:
1. LSD
2. My wife
3. Dedicating my life to healing others (and along the way, getting better myself)

My point is, there is realistic hope.

Namaste Mz U

 

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What happens happened when it comes to the trip bringing out the memory. But look at it positively because the memories would have come back to haunt you at some later time in life regardless. So use your mind to come to terms with the atrocities of the past. I would also suggest reading lots of literature by good psychologists on PTSD or repressed memories being awakened. There is plenty out there. Just be sure to not get a book by a quack or pseudoscientist!

 

The drug for getting over past traumas is MDMA.

 

You will have to come to a realization that its over now and time to move on. These problems will always be with you, but it's how you act and handle it from here on out that makes you YOU. Be strong, move past the problems. Drugs are not going to fix anything, they will only make you understand things better,, sometimes.

Sorry about your past, but make your future prosper.