staying with betray

I've only been dating this girl for just over 2 months and she lives in the same city but only for school. She lives a couple provinces away and she went there for a wedding. It was her brother's wedding and she really despises his new wife. The night after the wedding she got extremely drunk and went to a friend of a friend's house. Her friend went to the basement and my girlfriend decided to contact her long time ex boyfriend to come get her. He did.

She says she was nearly blacking out and laying in his bed, he was supposed to sleep on the couch, however the piece of shit got into the bed and took her pants off and fucked her. She says she hardly remembers anything but it wasn't rape because she 'let' him or knew it was happening but didn't stop him.

She lied the next day saying nothing happened but asked if I was upset about her staying there. I said I found it odd but I wasn't upset because nothing happened (she lied because I was at work and she wanted to tell me later, which in my opinion was totally the right thing to do). Well later that night I got it out of her, she cried and I was crying on the phone. She said she would do anything and she doesn't deserve me. I of course said a few mean things.. didn't even call her a slut or anything, I just wasn't impressed. I said well delete him from your phone and never talk to him again, and I forgive her.

The next night she was still away, and I'm an idiot and tried to drink my pain away. I got wasted, like over the top stomach burning for 3 days wasted. I couldn't really get a hold of her because she was a dinner with family.

PROBLEM: I finally got to talk to her, by this time I don't remember anything I had said because I was so drunk. Apparently I was just brutally mean.. still didn't call her any names, but apparently I said things like 'I forgave you you can never break up with me' and 'You aren't allowed to get mad at me ever again and you don't deserve me' Followed by a lot of nonsense and suicidal garbage. Obviously none of that was true but she tried to tell me people tell the truth drunk.. such a stupid myth I know I didn't mean any of those I was just upset because she cheated on me the night before.

Now where this gets fucked up: Apparently her mother, who doesn't know she cheated, invited her ex she cheated on me with to dinner. She didn't tell me until she arrived home the next day because the night before I was wasted (Again, right time to tell me). She thinks there was noway she could have told him to just leave without having to tell her family she doesn't want him there because I don't want him there or telling her whole family she cheated and he's not allowed there. Now she says 'My mom invited him because he's like family and you can't ask me to choose between you and my family'. OBVIOUSLY I said you don't sleep with family! She got upset and said it was a mistake and she was drunk and nobody else understands that he's been her best friend for like 3 years and has a weird relationship with him.

I'll note she had slept with him 6 months ago as well, before we were dating, however he's cheated on his girlfriend twice with her now. Also, these 2 cheated on each other while they were dating a long time ago.

We talked about it and I'm not like stupid, I know it seems like I'm a doormat and whatever but I know she feels bad and I don't want to make her not talk to him ever.. like they hardly talk and she sees him like 3 times a year. I know she will never cheat on me again, she's not even going to drink without me by her side anymore. I do forgive her, and I trust her but.. From experience I know everyone on here and the rest of the world will say leave her or once a cheater always a cheater or tell me to make her choose me or him but I'm doing this for myself. I know the relationship may not last forever, or even that long, but at this point in my life I feel I still need her, when I make her happy it makes me happy and that's rare.

Do you think I am being super naive or can I actually take on the world and prove it wrong for once. I told her this decision makes me feel like I lose dignity and she knows it isn't fair to me but she just can't lose him as a friend yet and she can't lose me. We've only been dating for 2 months, I think it may be a bit out of line to ask her to stop talking to her best friend even though she cheated on me our relationship is 2 months old, right?

Is it possible I'm doing the right thing for myself? Or will this haunt me, and hurt me, and the guilt will fade quickly for her?

I feel empathy for other people too easily sometimes to the point I get manipulated but I generally know when I'm being used.

 

Her best friend? Dude it's more like her fuck buddy, you don't fuck you best friend especially if he's like family. If you really want to be with her I think it's best to talk it out with him. Let him know that this is your girlfriend and the whole fucking shit has to stop. Tel him it's disrespectful...

2 months in the relationship and she already cheated with her 'best friend', thats not a good sign. They have history together, her mother is still inviting him over, she dont want to stop talking to him even know she fucks him...


Dude I don't think its worth it.

 

I agree with dreamsDOcomeTRUE completely.

 

I know... well not fuck buddy just stupid gets drunk and sleeps with him.. I don't believe that it's her best friend or like family.. I believe she is stuck in the past and it would do her good to get him out of her life.. He's a fuckin asshole though I have never met him or talked to him I've heard enough about him.

She says she doesn't want him out of his life and she doesn't need my help getting him out. I think her relationship with him is just the fact she knows him so well she still has comfort with him. She won't sleep with him again, but the trouble I'm having is do you think she will ever be able to finally get over him?

Again, I'm doing this for myself not her.. I've been single for over 2 years and before that I hadn't been single for more than 2 months since like the beginning of high school or whatever. THIS is pretty much the reason I hate girlfriends and wanted to be single but I decided I hate being a lone, and I enjoy making her happy even if she does shit like this. I do love her.

 

Hey man! that night she was drunk how come she didn't call one of her other friends instead of her ex. yes I agree wit the fact that she's still caught up in the past, you need to have a talk with her about it. You love her? Damn, that's going to make things harder.

I still think its not worth it, never be with someone who's haven't move on from her past relationships.

 

She was already talking to him and he was on his way home which was on the way from where she was..

I can't keep talking to her about it because I forgive her and I don't want to keep this argument going day after day, it's already hard enough trying to move on. The only way to get past it is to forgive and move on.. I know she won't cheat again and I made it very clear if she did I would never talk to her again, she doesn't want to lose me as a boyfriend or as a friend.

I've been in situations where I'm so drunk I can't control my actions, like the night I said some mean things after she cheated.. She didn't mean to do it and I can't hold it against her forever, I don't think it's right to forgive people on the condition they have to give up someone that means a lot to them. She couldn't stress enough she has no feelings for him like she has feelings for me..

I don't know what I can do, I can't keep bringing it up, I feel like I may be an idiot for allowing this to be the final decision when everyone else in the world would say leave her. I want to be with her and maybe she will grow away from him completely. I can't and won't expect her to tell her entire family the guy is to be cut loose because she cheated on me with him.. I would never be able to tell my family that. Is it not enough she has to live with the fact she betrayed me? Or am I blind and completely wrong and it can never ever work?

 

Dude, you seem to ask questions and then answer them yourself. So, why ask them? :2thumbsup:

 

My question, ultimately is am I the only one that can see my reasoning and understand where I'm coming from, is there anyone else out there that gets it?

Or, am I doomed to take on the world and try to prove everyone wrong.. which from what I have learned in the past if every single person says you're wrong there's a pretty good chance I am be wrong.

I'm looking for either solace in one individual to understand, or I'm seeing if I need to prepare myself for devastation.

 

You seem like a real trooper, kid. You get cheated on, the girl won`t even break ties with whomever she cheated on you with, and you`re asking whether you need to prepare yourself for more devastation!!?

That`s gangsta! Seems to me, if you took this on; whatever it is that comes next will be a piece of cake! :biggrin:

Edit: I certainly haven`t been in your position, for a number of reasons...if that helps you. Luck being only one of them.

 

I'm very forgiving, empathetic, and I don't stress too much.. all of which are my downfalls too.

I won't accept cheating every again from her, but what about when I do something stupid.. it will be tough not to throw that in her face by accident, and how am I supposed to express I'm upset about something in our relationship when she already will think about what she has done every day of her life... is it even possible for couples to get over cheating? I never hear of it working out after.

 

I think you already know what you're going to do and how you feel about this. What does it matter what the rest of us, a bunch of strangers on the internet no less, think?

 

What I want to know is how come you can make such firm statements about someone else (I know she won`t ever cheat on me again). Especially, someone with a history of cheating whom you've only known for two months, and who has done absolutely nothing to point her life in a different direction.

I`m sorry, but you sound pretentious and in denial. Best of luck!

Edit: If this relationship doesn`t work, you`ve got a spot as my racehorse gambling tipster, guaranteed. :biggrin:

 

Ok, the last thing I will say for now. If what you say is true, I would guess the reason why is because the cuckold has as much fault as the cheater: dependent, unable to stand up for himself, etc.

But, hey! If that`s who you are, I`m behind you 100%. There are a thousand advantages to being a cuckold, it seems to me. For one, you can always guilt-trip her into longer blow jobs. :biggrin:

 

Ramona, I just want to know if anyone else can see my point of view, if anyone understands or is it impossible?

Yeah Cherea, I know I could be in denial.. I mean maybe I'm too trusting.. but is it possible that the empathy I feel, if I were her, the pain of knowing she cheated is enough of a burden to make cause for change? Every boyfriend she's had has basically done it to her, and now that she has done it she sees it may be harder to cheat and 'get away' with it than it is to be cheated on.. I'm basing all of my decisions on trusting she is human, we make mistakes, and if she loves me she will feel it deep enough. I find I have no reason to torture her any further.. and I know most people if not all would say fuck it, If I were her right now, I'd be torturing myself with guilt.

 

Haha, I don't think I'll have to, I think she may feel she has to.. I'm not going to tell her otherwise.

 

Well, I guess if I was in your situation, I might forgive, but only time will tell whether or not she'll play you for a fool. It's up to you to decide whether or not it's worth it. To some it might be, to some, maybe not.

 

Once a cheater . . .

 

I have walked away from old love many times.
and found new love on the other shore.

As long as you remain firmly standing on the beach,
looking to the misty horizon,
wondering what might be on the other shore,
you will consume all your days
wondering about unseen worlds
wondering about love yet to be,

But instead, if you walk down the dock
to a waiting boat,
loose the moorings,
lift the anchor and set sail,
let the wind and currents guide you,
you will see what lies beyond
in a way that you cannot from the shore.

Everyone will let you down in small ways,
but not all lovers cheat.
That doesn't have to be your lot in life.

The world if full of people who need love,
and out of those billions,
are a few faithful ones who need your love in particular.

Fate will bring one of them to you,
someone who will love you back
someone you can't even imagine right now.
Go find her!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvoEZXop4zM"]All if full of love

 

Ramona you're right, only time can tell.. I guess I wrote the post over looking that... it's very simple.. time.. I hate how slowly it moves though. I just want to be happy, does it mean I don't forgive her if it eats me up so soon after? I'm definitely not ready to find another relationship, and I love her, I would love for it to work, but fuck I wish I could control time.

I don't want to be with someone else, even if they make me happy.. I feel like there will be a void if I give up on this one, I truly love when I do things for her to make her life easier.. I could walk away but I will never know the answer to 'what if'

Is a second chance worth it? Maybe we will have a year before we break up or maybe 2 weeks, or maybe we never will.. if I walk away I'll never know.. but on the other hand it could be a waste of time and a journey full of disappointment and pain. I guess what it comes down to is there is no point in me asking any questions when things work out they way they work out.. this is my situation and mine alone.. I just wish time wasn't the cure for everything in love.

 

Time goes by much more quickly when you learn to trust her again and learn to live and enjoy, instead of worrying whether or not she will be unfaithful. Faith is the only thing you have right now and if you feel she is worth it, then hold tightly to that. She will have to regain your trust and you will have to move past this or it definitely won't work out. Just know that you may get burned.