what makes someone a good parent?

That's a good question. Lets say you get angry at someone and kill them and end up with a life imprisonment sentence. Can you still be a good parent?

 

I think understanding mistakes and being patient. Theres lots more but theres are the main ones for me

 

I guess in situations like that all you can do is try your best

 

You bring a child into this world - your desires and needs come second - every second of the day and night - 24/7. Period. Being a parent means you've taken on the responsibility of seeing that child successfully into adulthood, at any and all costs. It is the most important and most profound responsibility a human being can take on and one that is all too often taken lightly.

 

If the situation doesn't allow it - then it's your responsibility to change the "situation". If you can't do that, then one has already failed as a parent.

 

I don't necessarily agree with that. People go off to war, get sent to jail, go overseas for business/career, go to rehab/long-term mental-health care facilities, the list goes on. I don't think it makes them bad parents.

My dad was only there for a year after I was born, and I only saw him once after he left (when I was six), and he died when I was eleven. for some reason he chose not to be a part of my life or my mom's. I would never, ever think of him as a bad parent. He probably could not deal with my mom, it isn't an easy thing to do. I do not begrudge him or attribute the problem's I have now to his not being there. I think he was a good dad, he just couldn't be in my life, probably for a good reason. Even if he was getting high on the street I still wouldn't begrudge him, and I would still think he was a good parent. After all, he helped bring me into this world. don't I owe him some respect at least for that?

so I can't agree with the notion that a parent should try to be there no matter what, at all costs. maybe some parents are better off somewhere else for some reason, or they just have to be. however, being there mentally and being there physically are two different things.

 

With everything I'm seeing on the news lately...

NOT killing your child is usually a good way to start being a good parent...

 

no shit.
people are sick.

 

Your dad may have been the nicest guy on earth. But he wasn't a parent at all while/if he was absent from your life (and I don't mean just physically absent.)

Jail, Business/Career, Rehab, War (unless drafted) - these are the result of choices.
Once chooses to be criminal, or one chooses to place material wealth/ "success" above parenthood, or one chooses addiction above parenthood.

Do I think it's possible to be a good parent and not be physically there - yes. Do I think it's possible to be a good parent from a jail cell - No. Again jail is a choice, a risk a person took with their freedom, a risk in which they didn't keep their child's needs in mind, when they took that risk. That's bad parenting.

In the case of illness after the fact (and yes you can make the case that addiction falls under that category) then I agree, it's unfair to call someone a bad parent. A good parent wouldn't risk addiction. A moral addict would not risk bringing a child into this world.

The point I'm trying to make is that People take Reproduction far too lightly. A lot of people (and by a lot - I mean epidemic amounts) simply lack the emotional resources and maturity to be parents - but they don't come to that realization until after the fact and then they create tragedy - not only for themselves, but for the person they've brought into this world.

I still stand by the fact that if one brings a child into this world - then the only responsible and correct way to raise that child is to put that child's needs above your own, until he/she is an adult - no matter what. If there's a question about one's ability to do this, then one shouldn't be having a child.

One's ability to reproduce does not equate one's ability to be a parent.

 

I agree with many of the points you made.
I think that someone who is physically absent can be a good parent. I think someone who is physically present but hinders their child is worse than someone who is physically absent.
I get confused, because from my perspective some of my friends and really honorable people grew up with parents who didn't seem to care.
a lot of people who grew up with PTA parents that looked so good to the outside world are assholes that know nothing about the world (part stereotype). did they do a bad job?

 

I get what you're saying and you're absolutely right. I know so called "model parents" "pillars of the community' who completely fucked their kids up, who were cold and distant behind closed doors, but were thought of as "good parents". It's not time - it's the quality of that relationship that matters. Trust. A child needs a sense of security - a sense that no matter what, his/her Mom and/or Dad will be there to catch them, if they fall. That no matter what is going on in that parent's life - that when needed, he or she will be there to protect, guide them and put their foot down, when necessary.

 

My kids love it when I tell them that I am so very proud of them...

 

nice one! taz. your a good dad:2thumbsup:

 

Damn my mother always say "to do better" , or when I was younger and got a A on a exam she would say "so what, you are suppose to be getting that in the first place"

tough love I guess

 

what a nice random gesture

 

Knowing when to be there and when to step back and make their oqn decisions.

 

There is no formula for success. Every kid is different, so you have to customize your approach to the situation. You can't rely on what has worked for somebody else.

Thinking about the two best mothers I know, they have gone about things in almost totally opposite ways, because their kids are so different.

 

How about somebody else who you happen to fill the void for against the physical impostor in yourself. The family shall not always rule.:biker:

 

I guess the most important thing would be to support and love your children, and to know when to talk about certain things... My parents, for example have quite different approaches. My mom likes to talk-a lot!- about stuff, which is OK, but my father is the quiet type; he only says like 5 words, but when he talks, I listen. With my mom, though, we both talk a lot, interrup each other, and after 3 hours, we summarize that topic which we talked about in ten seconds... I guess what I like most about them is that they tell me when they are proud of me, and the fact that they always told me to be my own person, regardless of people's oppinion.

 

niceness,attention, care.