Living in a fantasy world? Advice please.

My boyfriend and I met online 3 years ago. We followed the path of acquaintances (he read a blog I used to write) > online chatting > phone conversations > friends > best friends > falling in love. For a little over 2 months, we've been traveling and living together.

A little background on us: I'm in my late 20's (never married, no kids), he's 15 years older than I (has been married, divorced, has 2 adult children). We spent a total of 3 weeks split between 2 separate vacations together before deciding to finally be together. We've always had great chemistry, and seem to have strengths where the other has weaknesses. We're a good fit.

But there's always something, isn't there?

My sexual appetite is, I guess, very high. If I had it my way, we'd fool around at least twice a day... He could go days. Which causes numerous issues - my feelings and ego are bruised, and I've started to feel some resentment and anger about it. He's gone as far as telling me that he doesn't want to expend the energy, and so now here I am. Sitting on the bed with my laptop, reaching out to strangers, while he's snoring away after another sexless night.

Reading what I have, we probably have more sex than most couples. It was nearly every night for a few weeks, now it's becoming more sparse - every 1-3 nights. So I guess I should just shut up and be thankful I get what I get.

If only.

I just can't stop these feelings. I tried so hard tonight to say 'okay, we had sex last night, it's late, it's not a big deal, we had a good day'... but it didn't help. I still feel that rejection, and I feel some anger.

Yes, I have talked to him about it. Repeatedly.

No, there isn't much stress - we're not even working right now, and won't be until late November. We've essentially been on vacation since the end of Sept.
No, there aren't any drug, alcohol, infidelity issues.
His libido? He's older, and has voiced a concern over testosterone levels, but there are not problems with him getting it up and it doing it's job.
A vibrator? It just isn't the same anymore. The human connection, the emotions sex involve for me, I just don't get that from dear old BOB.

I guess my question is how do I deal with this? I love him dearly, I want to enjoy our lives together without the feelings of rejection and anger. I so wish I was one of the women who didn't care much about sex.

Advice is greatly appreciated.

 

Part of the reason you feel this way is cos you get hoodwinked by everyone elses bullshit.

You can never trust what anyone else has to say on matters like this. With guys its all about ego / performance anxiety / emasculation - they'll pretty much never admit to troubles with performance, that they are the 'girl' in the relationship, or that they arent as manly enough anymore to service their partner. There isnt a guy on the planet that is hornier at 30/40/50 than he was at 15, if they claim to be its just part of that middle life crisis thing

And with the girls, those feelings of insecurity and rejection such as yours, its not like there are going to run around admitting that even to other girls. And they are most definately not going to tell other guys that yes they are so horny and frustrated they can be taken advantage of.

Or to put it another way, its everyone else thats in a fantasy world, your situation is so normal it isnt as you know very funny

Thats where it gets weird, I'm 40 now, still in good shape, 3hrs of surfing or a couple hours jumping around in a nightclub still isnt as much of a deal as when I was 25, but for some reason anything that involves draining the nads is. I find myself often nowadays not doing anything certain nights because I know I have to do something energetic the next day

Cos if its on the internet it must be true? Anything from once a month to once a week would be more average. 1-3 times a week would still be above average

Past 25 they dont really exist, there is always at least that need for attention. Often when hubby is making jokes about not getting it enough it is so as not to embarrass her in front of her friends. Its not like the hubby is ever going to make jokes like "Ahh, I'm too fat to get it up nowadays" "I'm not man enough to fuck her properly anymore" or "She actually does a better job with the housework and the kids if she's frustrated all the time"

Look at Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston; they break up, he goes on to be a boring family man, Angelina is labelled a home wrecker, Aniston goes on to date at least a dozen hot guys, probably cant keep her legs closed. The way its presented in public is that she's the victim, was betrayed. Even though the truth is more likely he just wanted to be a dad, she didnt want to do that yet wanted to run around whore it up for a little bit longer why she's still got it. But that cant be true cos all men are pigs, women are defenseless victims.

Or Ashton Kutcher vs Demi Moore, will probably split, she'll get a nice settlement. Ashtons a pig cos he has a whole lot of younger girls throwing themselves at him. She's the victim, even though 6 months later she'll probably end up with another 20 something toy boy who will be able to do her 3 times every night, wont bother getting back with Bruce even though they still get on / are best friend, have a family together......cos she knows he'd only want it once a week and that will give her the shits too much.

Its all bullshit

 

and in a single sentence..

people go though "fucking" cycles...

 

Hello rierieliz - when I was in my early twenties, I had a boyfriend who was about 15-20 years my senior - he was an English jazz musician, and a very nice gentleman who thrilled me. He, being quite a bit older, was not as sexual either; but I valued other qualities he had. We were together for about four years, and I changed a lot because I was so young; and we parted on good terms.

Being a female, I cannot provide the knowledge that a male could; as relating to things or phases that men go through as the years pass by. But I believe that Orison 319 gave you profound input in his one sentence; and him being a male, his explanation is probably spot on. What I can tell you, is that you can find fulfillment with this man in ways other than just sex. Something that you can enjoy together is the simple intimacy of closeness; like the pleasure of enjoying the ability to just cuddle up together and value his presence. I found the "man of my dreams" late in life - we met ten years ago, and fell in love. We were constant companions 24/7 for the last ten years, and we were going to grow old together. Then, he died suddenly & unexpectedly when a blood clot traveled from his thigh to his heart, and he died instantly. In a few minutes, my life took a drastic turn; and I was completely devastated & lost. He passed away this past February, and although I have somewhat adjusted; the thing I still miss most is his presence. So, perhaps that is why I suggest to you that you can find much value in the simple fact that the man you love is there; and present. My man was such a spirited and fun-loving gentleman, and he was so funny; and we had so much fun every day! One thing that pleases me is knowing that he really enjoyed his last ten years with me; after spending his whole life before he met me, working his as_ off for people that didn't appreciate him. But, he knew he was loved and valued for who he was after we got together, and he died knowing that. I'm counting on there being a Heaven so we can re-unite on the other side. So, I guess the point I'm trying to make is look for the reasons why you enjoy this man's company, and find and enjoy your common ground; and enjoy his company while you can.
Sincere Regards, OneOfTheDifference

 

so basically, you decided to date an old man and now you're upset with him for being old?

 

Vanilla Gorrilla--I've read your other posts....You're bitter, and hate women. Please, for the love of god stop giving relationship advice. If I hated men the way you hate women, you'd say the same thing to me.

OP--You've got to make a choice about how important this is for you. If sex is that important, you may have to consider moving on, as at his age it is unlikely he'll change. Try out the idea in your head--for one day, pretend that you've made the final decision to leave him and be single again. Then the next day, pretend that you've made the final decision to stay and go with not enough sex. See which feels better.