Confused

That's what I am, but I'll get to that in a bit - let me first quickly introduce myself: I'm a 23 year old guy from Berlin, currently doing a BA in Social Sciences.

Here's my story: I fell in love for the first time when I was 15, with a girl from Slovenia, that was, like me, taking a language course in England. I kissed her, once, and immediately after told her that I couldn't "do this" anymore. So i ditched her, because it didn't feel right to me.
My first serious relationship followed when I was 18 in America, with a girl again. I was in love, and I had sex with her many times over the course of our 4-months relationship. I never came, and although that was always an issue and made her feel like she wasn't pretty or that I didn't love her (she was beautiful and I did love her very much) she was able to cum nonetheless. I had to leave her to go back to Germany.
Back in Germany, I met my second girlfriend when I was 19 and we stayed together for 3 months. I loved her, even more then the first one and we spent most of our time in the bedroom. This time, she wasn't the only one to cum, I could too and that was the most liberating feeling I've ever had. We had to break up because she had to leave (fucking ironic this far, right?).
It's been two and a half years since then, and I've had a lot of sex since then, only with girls, and I didn't cum once. I did make out with a guy once and it was amazing, more to that later.

So much for the part of my life that's of relevance to you, if you've made it this far, but now about my sexual thoughts throughout my life. I started masturbating when I was 11 (if I remember correctly) and at the beginning I was exclusively thinking of women, Britney Spears in particular (don't tell anyone. haha.) but shortly after I discovered the advantages of the internet and it's ability to put my fantasy to rest and provide me with pictures and short clips that I would otherwise have had to imagine myself. It was then when I stumbled onto pictures of really hot men, and I started masturbating looking at pictures of them at one time, and to pictures of hot girls at another, never being able to determine what turned me on more but it rather being a question of my mood.

I've ever since repeated this behavior, but with a tendency to women. I do though find good looking men very attractive (if that makes sense), and I'm confident enough to talk about it too, that is to close friends and the only comments being "this guy is very good looking" but never going as far as admitting that I'm actually attracted to them.

I have lots of gay friends (male and female) and they, as well as my straight male and female friends, all think that I'm straight. I've never felt it necessary to "come out", because on the one hand I thought it was normal (and I use this word carefully) for straight people to have these feelings of attraction for the same sex to some degree, and, on the other hand, because I've noticed the overwhelming hostility towards bisexuality in our society that reaches even beyond the hostility towards homosexuality.

To get to the point: I'm very confused as to who I am, sexually. I fantasize of romantic relationships with men as much as I fantasize about them with women but I think that, sexually, I'm more attracted to women. I don't know who to tell this because I'm afraid that my straight male friends will be weirded out and that my gay friends will just not get how this may be troubling, as they have had it "so much harder". Also, I'm not sure if it's even necessary to come out as I think I could lead a heterosexual life just fine, with the exception of my doubts always killing my libido which results in me not being able to cum most of the time.

Now I don't know if this is even connected, but I do remember a strong sexual attraction to the one guy I ever made out with. It just felt so different and yet I couldn't get the smile off of my face for hours after.

I'm grateful for any kinds of responses, but please don't just suggest me "just sucking some guys dick", as I've read in other threads.

What do you think?

xx

 

no.

well, you don't need to come out to anyone if you don't want. it really doesn't concern anybody, not even your parents, as long as your life doesn't suffer because of it. however since you say this is troubling you to the point of not being able to cum (really?), it is clear that you need to resolve this for yourself. if you have a hard time with it, one thing that can help you is finding other bisexual guys you can relate to. you might find others going through the same thing and it will help you put your own situation into perspective.

to me, it sounds like you're bisexual. feeling sexual attraction to both men and women to at least some degree, that is bisexuality.

 

First off... Welcome to the forums! You seem like an intelligent, articulate guy with lots of stories to tell. I hope you find something helpful here.

I wonder if you could elaborate a bit more on this point... What specifically is going through your head during sex that keeps you from cumming?

 

you're probably/possibly bi-sexual.

Personally i reckon most of us have the propensity to bisexual but are conditioned or constrained by supposed societies norms. Althought many of the people paying lip-service to these 'norms' are out there on internet sites busily hooking up with others for sex.

Go for it - follow your instincts, desires. If going with a guy turns you off then you'll know, won't u?

Simon :sunny:

 

you only think that because of your own sexuality. you probably find it hard to think that some people could not find both sexes attractive. i know from my experience that there are people with absolutely no attraction to one sex whatsoever.

i would agree that most people's sexual behavior might involve both sexes (experimentation, repressing homosexuality, etc) but sexual orientation, which is subconscious physical attraction, for the majority is not bisexual but either heterosexual or homosexual.