I keep getting the feeling that I am not fitting in with my girlfriend's lifestyle. As some of you may have read in my other thread, she has sexual feelings for one of our mutual friends. which I am okay with after some lengthy talks. For the last couple of months or so, she has been spending more time out with him and other friends. I work 40+ hour weeks, so when I have a day off, or I get off work in the afternoon, I love to just sit back and relax with her. Usually, we go out to eat and go to a movie or something. Lately, whenever I bring up just relaxing together, she tells me that she wants to hang out with people and go places. She only works on weekends, so neither of us have any available time, leaving the weekdays for us to hang out. With my schedule, I work late on Wednesdays and very early on Thursdays. This week being a prime example of what I am talking about. She was hanging out with one of her female friends on Monday. Tuesday, we hung out for a couple hours before she got sick, no fault of her own, so we cut that night short. On Wednesday, even though I got out of work late, I thought we could spend a couple hours together. I call her, and she is having dinner with our male friend from my previous thread and his brother, so no hanging out there. On Thursday, a group of us were supposed to go to some Halloween attraction nearby. When that went south, I said that maybe we could get some dinner, bring it to my house and watch a movie. She complained that she didn't want to do that, she wanted to go places with a group. Eventually, our friends decided that they wanted to go to another friend's house to drink and whatnot. I hate going to places where I know I am not invited, or where people are drinking for the fun of it. She knows this, but complained when I said I wasn't up to it. I had just gotten off of work and was tired, but she just sounded disappointed when I told her this. So, she went with everyone and stayed the night at the person's place. I called her last night but she wasn't able to talk long, so I told her to text me to tell me how everything was going. I woke up this morning with no calls or texts. She got back home and never bothered to call or text me. She went to work and went over to a friend's house to hang out and watch movies. When I called her, I was a little upset, and she told me that there was nothing for me to be mad about. The thing is that I am always getting ditched or not invited to hang out. She knows that I like relaxing with her, but she gets uneasy if we aren't going somewhere with people. Sometimes I just think that she has developed a different lifestyle that she knows I don't fit into. Another thing is that our friends always contact her and I am the tag along guy. None of our friends ever try to get ahold of me. Even when she is busy and they are going to do something, I never get a call. Sorry for the rant, this is just something that has been weighing on my mind and I needed to get it out somehow.
loose her.you deserve better.if your somewhere your tryin' to fit in,your in the wrong place.fit out.be yourself and be happy.
It's simple really, she either wants to spend time with you or she doesn't. Spending time with you means not expecting you to compromise for her all the time. Every once in a while, sure, go to some party you don't really fancy...but all the time? Why isn't she coming to see you? You like films and relaxing...she doesn't want that at the moment, not even to be with you... Assuming you've explained that you're working a lot and need rest and that she still isn't taking that into account, what I'd do is not call or text or anything, and wait to see if she wants to hang out with you. When she calls or gets in touch, you say sure, I'd love to hang out...I've missed you. How about you come over for that film? Be firm, just keep repeating that no, you can't go out, bt you'd like to see her. If she wont respond to that, I think the battle may be lost...maybe you really have just grown apart or don't want the same kind of relationship, and you need to let it go.
This is a pretty simple one - the two of you just don't sound compatible. That and she doesn't sound worth it anyway, as she is obviously making hardly any effort for you, but is more than willing to make the effort for parties and suchlike. Choice is yours, I know what i'd do though . ** Sent from my phone using Tapatalk :]
Thanks for all the opinions and suggestions. I have been talking to her about everything. She says that she thinks I am a fun person to hang out with one on one, but she said that sometimes it gets bored just hanging out with me alone. She likes being in a group and sort of feeding off that energy. I told her how I don't feel like I fit in with our friends anymore. She told me that they don't invite me places because they like going out to drink and whatnot, and they know I hate that, but they don't know whatelse to do. She says that I need to try harder to include myself and go out more. Even though I said that it would put me in a bad mood and I don't like ruining other people's fun. I said I was upset and kind of sad that she left me to go hang out with our friends the other day. Our plans with everyone were ruined by the place we were going to being closed. Everyone was going to go to another friend's house to drink and hang out, but I was honestly tired since I got off work just an hour before, and felt like relaxing at home. She said that she felt torn between me and the group. According to her it was that she thought I didn't want to be with them. She said it isn't fair to back out of plans with people, even if they change and I, for instance, can't come along. It would be one thing if the plans changed and she at least asked if it was okay to leave me and go. I'm not trying to sound controling, but I would like her to atleast think of me when she is making plans.
Why should she ask your permission? You were upset because she wanted to go hang out with friends? You told her you don't feel like you fit in with your friends anymore. You like to rest-she likes to socialize and enjoy herself. Sounds to me like you are doing what abusers do--starting to try and isolate her from her friends and put a guilt trip on her for wanting to enjoy herself without you. Next step is usually name calling and maybe a little physical stuff? I suggest you look closer at your motivations for how you react to her wanting to do what she wants and what you think she should want. Now go rest.
You could go to a party and drink cherry coke all night and have fun with people, but instead it sounds like you are disaproving of the way they live their life. So you don't want to hang out with them. Then you wonder why they don't invite you to come along, and why your girlfriend no longer likes you? Most women are people oriented, so if you want to keep a woman happy, you have to either give her a social life or not be jealous when she gets a social life. From what you have told us about this relationship, I can't think of one reason for you to pursue it further.
Nope, you're on a hiding to nothing. She has a different set of priorities to you. Call it a day before someone (you probably) ends up getting hurt. Instead of moping about wanting to know what she's doing, spend some time thinking about what you really want!
That's all in your perspective. Messing with drunk people while I'm sober is really a lot of fun. I guess it just depends on your character. For instance, I find that watching them get pulled over and arrested on the way home to be simply hilarious.
Sounds like if she isn't two timing you already she will be soon. Some guys just don't ever grow a spine - and will settle for seconds for their entire life - are you one of them?
I don't think she's two timing you, I just think that she's the type of person who always like to be around a group of people, she's a social butterfly. But she is real inconsiderate of not having the time to text you, or call you. #1 . Why are you hanging out with her friends? Find some friends that are similar to you and hang out with them. #2. Tell her exactly what you are feeling, and if she says your boring then why she is with you. #3. Don't keep on texting/calling her if she doesn't bother to do the same, you will just seem clingy. Honestly if my girl called me boring, I will definitely be piss and wouldn't deal with that shit, with the feeling of being left out.
Well, I have been trying to be more involved with her and her friends. We all went out to eat and I had a really nice time. I told her that I enjoyed hanging out with everyone and that we need to do it more often. She seemed really happy that I got along with everyone so well and had fun. We talked a lot about how she goes to clubs and peoples' houses to hangout and drink. I explained that that just wasn't my thing and I felt like being in that position would be pure misery for me. I told her that I was afraid that I would just ruin her fun if I went along. She told me that she would try to get everyone together to do more things that included me as well. The following week, I tried to have her invite people to hangout as a group and do something, but she refused. One night, she said she didn't feel well, and didn't want to hangout. The next night, our one guy friend was working, so I asked if she wanted to see if her other friend, a female, wanted to hangout and we could go see a movie or hangout at my house and watch a movie. She was texting her friend anyway, so I thought it would be really simple to ask. She told me though that she felt awkward because she was afraid of someone becoming a third wheel. So that was a no go. A couple days later, her and I were going out to the movies. I asked if she wanted to invite some friends along, but again she said that she didn't want to. As the movie was ending, her friends texted her about going to see another movie that was starting not long after ours was over. She really wanted to and asked if I was okay with it. I was kind of upset about it though, because she didn't want them to come with us, and I told her to do whatever she wanted, so she went. I am really getting the impression that maybe she is embarrassed of me or something. I would talk to her about it, but she went with her friends, which are two other girls and a guy, to the city and got a hotel there and had all sorts of fun. Of course, I was back home working.
