why can't my girlfriend orgasm? help!

OK, so I need advice with this. I have been with my girlfriend for four years. We were both virgins when we got together. The first time we tried to have sex, it wouldn't work. As in, I couldn't penetrate. It was like this for around six months. She would be turned on and wet, but it just wouldn't happen. She started doing relaxation exercises etc on her own, and finally, I could penetrate. Since then, it has been painful for her often during sex, and she has never been able to orgasm, ever. Every now and then, we've had good sex, but even then, she never had an orgasm. I need advice on this one because it really is a self esteem killer. She always tells me it isn't my fault, and she loves me etc. I think it might have something to do with her religious upbringing, which was quite strict when it came to sex etc. What can we do to make it happen?

 

Do you ever rub her clit? 98% of women can't come just from penetration alone. Do you use any lube? Sex doesn't "work" for me either, unless there's plenty of lube. Foreplay? Oral? Different positions? Does she masturbate?

 

did you ever try looking deep in her eyes and says "mmmmmmmmmmm baby cum with me"... ?>? duh..

 

yep, i haven't had an orgasm since the day before my first communion. haven't even had a boner since confirmation.

 

It sounds like she might have relaxation issues, especially with her religious upbringing. This is bad because she can have vaginal spasms that will make it impossible for you to penetrate her ever and very very painful if you do. You need to make sure that she is always comfortable with you and be understanding mostly. Set the mood, be romantic. Another thing is definitely what Strawberry fields said. She might not be able to orgasm with penetration. Try giving attention to her clit but be gentle until you find out what she likes.
Orgasms are 90% mental.

 

Hey, thanks for the responses. I always try foreplay, and if I could, and saw that she was enjoying herself, I would go down on her all night, do everything, rub her clit, etc. At the moment, she doesn't seem be responding to anything. I swear getting her to even experience pleasure at the moment, let alone an orgasm, is like solving an enigma. And like I said, we are in love, and she is attracted to me, so it has nothing to do with that. At the beginning, she was always turned on, but couldn't let me in, or orgasm. Then finally, I could get in, but she would rarely enjoy penetration, and never could orgasm. Now, she struggles even to get turned on or experience desire in the first place. I have set the mood a couple of times. I have surprised her when she came home from work, like lit candles everywhere, prepared a bottle of wine, bought her flowers, put on soft music. The sex was better but she still wouldn't orgasm. My ultimate fantasy, is for her to one day just jump on me, drag me to the bedroom, and go to town, and really enjoy it. That has never happened, ever. I don't ever want to tell her though, because I know it would not come from her. Do girls not realise that if they were to do this, their guys would jump through hoops for them? Sorry for getting heated about this, but it has been four years!! Is there any hope?

 

And 99% of statistics are plucked out of the air, clearly. I believe the figure is somewhere around 3 quaters. Definitely not 98%.

 

Has she ever been to the gyno? She may have a tilted uterus, or another physical problem that's causing her pain. Sex can be uncomfortable for anyone sometimes, but if you've been doing it this long it shouldn't be causing actual pain. It's also more uncomfortable if you use condoms--is there anyway she could get on birth control? Although that sometimes kills your sex drive...

I wouldn't give up on her. How much have you talked about it with her? It could be her upbringing, but I think it's much more likely her body is just reacting to past experiences of pain by tensing up. I've been sexually active almost a year, and I still have issues sometimes. You need lots of lube, even if you use pre-lubricated condoms, those are a joke--pile on the lube! (Make sure it's water-based though, other kinds can be irritating).

What's her take on the situation? Does she just not like to talk about it? I've always been a big advocate for masturbation for women. She should try it by herself for a while--alone, without the pressure of you watching. If she can't bring herself to orgasm, there's little chance of you figuring it out. Orgasms for women are much more mental than physical, so even if she loves you and is attracted to you, if she's feeling pressure to come, or anything else she "should" be doing, it won't work. Trust me, I've been there.

So...Have her go to the gyno, TALK about it, suggest she try masturbating, and use tons of lube. If you do all of these things and nothing changes, then she may just not be a particularly sexual person. Some people are like that. But don't give up yet.

-Kate

 

She might feel like you are making sex too much of a big deal. Maybe she's not a very sexual person. She should visit a gyno though if you're having a lot of trouble.

 

Try 69 with her on top . Not every ones fav. but I like it . desert rat

 

"Making Love" may sound cliche' but there can be more enjoyment and fulfillment in foreplay.
Try to embrace the body 'without' penertration, take the time to kiss, carreass, stoke and rub.
"Up, down and all around" (so to speak) - The object is to stimulate and satisfy with softness not thrust.
"Try to stop" before intercourse, then the next time, the sensation may be such that your partner can be thrilled enough to relax and 'let it flow'

 

I've been having sex with my boyfriend for 2 years now and in the beginning, it took me like a month to be able to cum when we made love. My vagina wasn't long enough for him and I would experience pain sometimes. It was only when I felt completely comfortable that I could cum from missionary position (so just pure penetration). So my advice would be to make her completely comfortable so that she realizes that it's gonna be a pleasurable experience and not painful, and yes foreplay is really good it makes you turned on and anxious for it/want it more and more. When I finally came you couldn't wipe the smiles of our faces haha! And haven't looked back, the only time I don't cum is if he only lasts under a minute (that suuucks, especially coz I'm so turned on.) Other than that, we know each other's bodies very well now and what works for us, so you should make sure you talk about what works for each other also. Us girls are more complicated than boys lol.:daisy: