How do I tell my Mum & Sister about my Boyfriend ?

O.k so me and Josh have been together for a few weeks now and I really, really like him, and he feels the same.

I go round to his place most days and I'm pissed off with having to sneak about.

I've got a few problems.

1. My Mum and sister dont know I'm gay/Bi. My Mum proberly suspects,because she caught me kissing a friend of mine when i was younger. I've had two girlfriends since though so she more than likely thinks I'm straight. My sister doesn't know either.

2. Josh is older than me, he's 20 and Im 16 nearly 17.

3. Josh is one of my sisters best friends and i dont think she will be to happy about him shagging her little brother, she still thinks i'm a 14 year old. My Mum is good friends with Joshs Mum and has known him his whole life and I dont think she will be pleased either as she treats me like a 12 year old.

I dont want them to find out another way, so thats why i know i have to tell them and i dont like sneaking around behind their backs either. My Mum & sister are the only family I have, and i love them, so i dont want them to not like me when they know that im gay and josh and i have been doing it.

How the hell do I tell my Mum though ?

 

Whew, this is a toughie. What do your mom and sister think about gay or bi men in general? If your mom caught you kissing a male friend, what was her reaction like? Best case: she only cares about your well-being and happiness... in that case she'll get used to it that it is a man you love. Worst case: she's openly adverse against homosexual relations.

One way to approach this is to casually talk to her about that time when she caught you kissing a guy - and then very carefully taking it further from there.

Your mom and sister still thinking you being a little boy... well, that 's typical of relatives trying to cope with letting go... they have a hard time accepting that you're in the process of growing up, becoming mature, being sexually active. If your sister is a close friend of Josh's, does she know that he's gay/bi? And if so, does she like him even more for who he is? Perhaps she will accept you and him loving and enjoying each other easier than you think.

Anyway, with this constellation reminding me of a family mine field, the rule is to tread slowly and carefully.

Wiggling bare toes,

~*Ganesha*~

 

Many of us love our families and are very close to them. This does not go on to say that we always share every detail of our intimate lives with them. They, in turn, keep some of their intimate lives for themselves, too. This fact of life has absolutely nothing to do with the lack of love or closeness. It has everything to do with the issues of privacy and the protection of one´s intimate sphere.

Considering your age, I would allow myself at least several more months of careful observation and quiet living. Your BF is 20. You are below age. This usually spells massive problems. I am sure that you are aware of that.

If you act mature and in a responsible fashion, you´ll be treated as a grown up. The first step into that direction is to exercise both caution and restraint with the matter at hand.

KD

 

This one works well:
http://www.milkboys.org/article/mom...ronger-than-both-of-you-so-dont-try-any-shit/

 

My advice would also be not to tell them. Finding out another way? Even if one of them catches the two of you at it, they are still going to revert to that pretend it not happening thing.

You have given enough information to let me know they are both overbearing, leave it till you are 18, otherwise too much unnecessary drama and bullshit, and they'll still continue to pretend its not true to everyone else, just a phase, just about sex or whatever.

Then again coming out is maybe a necessary learning curve to see how people really are. If you do just remember its not really about you, all raw and personal to them. For your mum, all the gossip and talk from the other mums, is it her fault? As for your sister, if this Josh is hotter than her boyfriend, or she doesnt have a boyfriend...well they really hate that


Oh and PS: Also from your Mum concern over the true nature of men, you run around start telling everyone, get cornered by a married family man in the neighbourhood or whatever a lot harder for anyone to believe you also cos of that pretend thing everyone does, oh married guys dont do that. And at 16 you are a lot more vulnerable to them. Which is the main reason I'd advise waiting a couple years

 

Hi Ganesha, my Mum and Sister are fine about gay men. Josh is out, everyone knows he is gay. My Mum & sister still love him loads.

When my Mum saw me kissing that boy she was fine about it. All she said was "C'mon you two, were running late." I was only about 13 though, and she knew how embarrassed I was and later she asked if I wanted to talk about it, I didn't want to though, so she just gave me a hug and let it go.

I think your right though. If i bring up that time she caught me kissing a boy and say that I want to talk about it now that could be a way of slowly getting around to telling them about Josh and I.

As I said, everyone knows Josh is queer, so if people keep seeing us together and also me going into his place all the time they are going to know what we are doing together.

I dont want my Mum to hear it from someone else, so I'm going to tell her.

 

Hi Kewldewd. I'm not below age ? I'm 16. Which in the U.k makes us legal:2thumbsup::2thumbsup::love::love:

It's nearly impossible to be discreet where we are, someones going to work it out. Some of my friends are teasing me about Josh already.

I am scared though.

 

That was funny lol :2thumbsup:

I love my Mum though , so I'm not going to talk to her like that. lol

 

My Mum and Sister are a bit overbearing. I know its because I'm the baby of the family though and because they get worried about me. They have been like this since my Dad died and the three of us are very close.

There both cool though and really nice, so I hope they arent angry with me when I tell them.

 

Well, thats the thing about 'coming out' you wont know how things will change until you do it.

That never is completely true. Some of all the rules to interpersonal relations are independant of sexuality. Ranking and libido always come before orientation.

In the example I gave before about if your boyfriend is hotter than your sisters, there isnt a female on the planet thats not going to get at least a little miffed by that. Just how miffed has more to do with how hotter, or how much of a douche her boyfriend is, or what time of the month it is - how horny / moody she is, than anything whatsoever to do with your orientation.

Same kind of thing with the guys at school, if you're BFF and really close / comfortable with some gal that some of the other guys have a crush on, cant get attention from her. Then they will end up pissed at you for more so for that rather than your orientation, but an easy way to attack you is with some gay slur if you are out...even though they themselves might not otherwise give a crap about the gay thing.

As a teen, we all tend to be a lot more focused on ourselves, dont really get at the time what others are really thinking. A lot of the stupid shit you may go through is in the end a waste of time worrying about, cos it doesnt have really anything to do with you in the first place. All that indirect stuff can creep up on you.

As for your mum, worrying about telling her, you will LOL later on about that, She knows, Mothers always know. And that is probably the opposite of what you think. She's probably mostly concerned about grandkids, especially nowadays you can get together with a guy and later on raise kids. And you being you, less likely you are going to marry a girl thats going to end up sharpening the claws around the mother in law. That is; just that little more likely in 20 years time you and your family will be in her life, makes it a little more fine with her than you may think. Even if she has to go on and still do that pretend denial thing with everyone else

 

I was so scared and worried about telling my Mum & sister about Josh, turns out I was worrying about nothing. :2thumbsup:

I told my mum first. To begin with I told her that I thought that I was gay. She was so cool about it and actually said that she always suspected that I would be and that she was far more shocked when I got a girlfriend. haha. I asked her how she knew and she just said that there were little signs ever since i was a kid and told me to just be myself. I then told her about Josh being my boyfriend and was expecting trouble. Again she was cool with it and said that Josh is a lovely lad and that she always thought there was some kind of bond between us. She did ask if we were having sex and that was very embarrassing. I said that we were and she said "So thats where you've been spending all your time lately." lol. She said that she trusts both me and Josh and that i should be careful and never take risks. So joking I said to her "Can I move in with Josh then." She said "No, not while you are still in education, but you can stay with him at the weekends." :love: I couldn't believe it cause i was only kidding. I should never have doubted my Mum.:2thumbsup:

Then i went and told my sister, after some small talk, it went like this.

"Rachel can I tell you something."

"What."

" I think that I'm gay."

" Tell me something I dont know."

"You already know."

" Your kidding right."

"No, how do you know."

"Well lets see, I'm your sister and I notice things. If your gonna watch gay porn and you dont want people to know your gay, you need to clear your history. Also you have always been a bit sensitive and slightly girly and dont think I haven't always noticed the way you look at Josh." She let rip with a big smile after saying this. So I said

"You know about me and Josh."

" I notice the way you touch each other when you think nobody is looking and the way you look at each other and the fact that you have been spending lots of time at his place."

"How do you know that."

"HaHaHaha, I told you I'm your sister, I know everything."

"So why didn't you tell me that you knew."

"I didn't want to embarrass you and I knew you would tell me when you was ready."

"So you dont mind."

"If it was gonna be anyone, I'm glad it was Josh."

And with that she just got up, gave me a kiss and a hug and walked out.


And to think that I was sweating blood about this. I love my family.

 

That's really great, man. I'm happy for you.

 

EDIT:
Never mind, just read through to the end and it appears you did it.

Well done! I'm happy for you.

 

just rip the bandage off.

 

Though honesty is the best policy in most cases - I think that relating things in a gradual manner is probably the better option to consider.
There does not seem to be much of a time in this relationship, so boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl, such a partnership that may attract critisism needs I feel getting used to.
For to take the bull by the horns and to blurt it out, may result in actions that consequences to it.
If it were I, then I don't know what I'd do for my parents were always supportive - only you can judge your family / friends and their responses.
Wht may be a better matter to consider, is are they worth it?
Good luck