My sister is 10 years older than me (She's 30; I'm 20.) and I've been living her for a month and two weeks. She knows I'm with someone that lives in another country, you know, long distance. Well, today she decided to have a talk with me. Before I get on to that, I will like to point out that I do chores around the house, I doggy sit her dogs while they're gone to work and clean up after them when they have accidents. I wash the dishes, clean the kitchen every single day. Then I do my homework since I'm a college student. Every day! I think I do my share around the house, right? Apparently, I'm wrong... according to her. First off, she thinks I don't do anything just because I've been feeling ill this week and have been in my room using the laptop to talk to my boyfriend. Then, She thinks it won't work out because I can't move there (England) and he can't move here (California) and we'll never work out and I need to get my head straight and do the right thing. I have not looked for a job yet because I was sure how my school schedule would have been like. Even if I did get a job, I'd have to work at night (Preferably to avoid her episodes but mostly because I still want to make at least two, and I mean TWO hours to talk to my boyfriend.) She gave me two options. I can live with her as long as I go to school, which I'm doing so, and if I get a job, which I have to look into soon. On top of that, I have to break up with my boyfriend because she claims he's taking all of my time when really, he's not. She just wants me to find a REAL relationship where I can hold and touch a guy. Or I can move in back with my parents when they were the main reason why I moved out in the first place... so, now I'm contemplating on what I should do. My boyfriend suggested I stand up for myself and tell her that I'm not breaking up with him because I'm not doing anything wrong. And all these other things that I can't even put into words but they're similar to that topic. Sometimes I just want to give up. I have the worst family ever and I have a long way to go until I move out on my own and start my own life with my loved one and I'll have his and my problem to deal with which is fine with me because I know him and he knows me so well and we make things work. When my sister, who has known me since she was ten, still has no idea who I am and what I'm doing. I just need something positive for once. I'm fed up with all these problems following me around.
From what you describe it sounds like your sister is being a bit unfair and judgemental. And that can be really hard to deal with - trust me, I know! But it sounds like what you really need to do is sit down and have a conversation with her...and by this I dont mean a yelling match where all you two do is point out each other's flaws. You need to reach some kind of agreement - a compromise. First, find out what her expectations are (hold your tongue when she talks!). Or perhaps get her to write them down on some paper so you can read them over. Next, either talk to her (or write a letter) telling her what you do and dont agree with - and why. EXPLAIN your thoughts; try to get her to understand your point of view - but also try to understand hers as well. Talk about what you CAN do...such as getting a job and working a couple nights a week. Obviously she thinks work is important, but she also has to realize that school should come first. Maybe she'll be OK with you working a couple 4 hour shifts a week (not THAT bad, right?) In regards to your boyfriend, she shouldnt be forcing you to dump him. Who you choose is who you choose. Im sure she just loves you and is looking out for you, but you need to (calmly) explain to her that you are a old enough to make your own decisions and mistakes. Maybe if you talk about WHY you like this guy, she may see him in a different light. And as long as your relationship isnt getting in the way of other things like school, then she should try to accept your choices. ALSO, Have you ever heard the phrase 'misery loves company'? Look, everyone hates their family at one point or another. I did for the longest time - me and my little sister fought so much I never thought we'd be close again! But I just found out this week that my parents are separating, and I've realized just how much I want to have a good relationship with my sister, especially because of whats happening now. Family is everything, you should never stop fighting to make things better! I hope everything works out for you!
Your sister is ok with you living with her as long as you are going to school, bitches about you not doing enough housework - which is what everyone that cohabits does, and also she is sticking her nose in about your boyfriend, a long distance relationship - which never work out. And you are talking about ending it all??? Theres a forum around here somewhere for people with real problems
while it is true that long distance things often don't work out, it's really none of your sister's business whether or not you stay with your boyfriend she sounds like a control freak. maybe trying to play the same role that your parents did? maybe best to find a super cheap room with roommates that you can support with a job or get loans hope that this works out!
i like the sister...she sounds more together...you should get off your ass and get your life together and stop living in lala land
Lol. More together? Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure my sister is way more calm and not so bitchy. Yeah, I'm not the one coming home, after spending the ENTIRE weekend over at some guys house whom I've just been dating for ONE week and yelling at my little sister just because she didn't take out the fucking empty beer cans to the recycling bin that were sitting near the sink for the past two days... oh and I decide to make my little sister feel like complete and utter shit and tell her how useless she's been and talk about her relationship and throw in negative comments about her and her "stupid" boyfriend. Yeah... my FABULOUS sister is perfect and I'm just some person that should be more like my AWESOME sister. (Excuse my profanity.) I'm doing perfectly fine with my life. This post... I simply posted it because I needed some form of closure, maybe a bit of advice on how I should deal with my sister because I'll be living with her for a while. I never knew her because we haven't lived together for over 10 years and she simply went her way when I was little. My long distance relationship is working fine and personally, I think people shouldn't ever get in anyone's personal life. Wether it's with school, jobs, family, etc. My reason for this post, like I said, was that I needed some closure. A very positive person who would find things in a positive way and not be a total douche about a situation like this... I wouldn't wish for anyone to have problems no matter how small or big they are. I love my sister, I really do, but her attitude bothers me. I'm pretty sure everyone out there has a sibling that treats them like this. Like I said, this is the first time in many years since I've lived with my older sister. Her attitude is terrible and all I need is maybe a little bit of advice on how to get along with her. I very much appreciate the positive comments but the negative comments like this one and another one I read that was quite similar to this... eh, thanks, I guess.
youre looking at it all wrong youre not "living with her" youre "using her" unless youre sharing half the expenses..and paying half the bills/mortgage/cable/internet/gas/phone/...etc....youre just using and should be putting extra effort into doing ALL chores ..even hers ...
Well, the thing was that she was having a bad day after a weekend of drinking and hanging out with her date so she decided, "Oh, I'm pissed off, maybe I should blow some steam off and yell at my little sister for not recycling the empty beer cans I left here since friday!" I respect her house rules. I mean, I go to school every weekday. I do house chores, doggysit her three dogs, do my homework, help out when they need me, etc. I really don't ask for much and have been thankful because she took me in when my parents were pretty much keeping me behind closed doors: Not letting me get a job, go to college, have friends, go out with my friends, etc. My relationship never interferes with anything. My boyfriend works so when I get home, we talk for two hours during the weekdays before he heads off to bed and I get started on cleaning the house and doing my homework so I have the rest of the evening to spend time with my sister, the pups and our other roomate. Again about my boyfriend... you're right. A couple of weeks ago, he and I got into an argument to a point I was extremely pissed off. Everyone in my family knows I RARELY get angry so this was a first. So, since then she got the wrong idea and suggested I get a local boyfriend when I've told her, "It was one argument, it happens in every relationship. We're fine now because we talked things out." But she's still convinced he's not good enough for me when I told her he's been working hard, long hours to plan a holiday from England to California to come see me for a few weeks because that's how important I am to him and that's how serious he is about our relationship. I can't get that through her head. I'm trying VERY hard so we could get along. Although, I really appreciate your comment a lot. I'll try some of the things you pointed out and see how things go from there. Thank you so much!
She doesn't want anything from me. When I moved in, she clearly said, "When you get a job, you'll be paying for your own things. As long as you go to school, go to work and help around the house, I don't need anything else from you. If you fuck up, well, we'll talk then..." Simple as that. Now I'm just waiting to be called into a job I applied for yesterday and I'm good.
good luck with the interview her idea of "help around the house" is obviously different than yours though...you should sit down with her (just her) and make up a list or something then she cant get so mad if you do everything on the list..and there'll be less missunderstandings
Thank you. I'm planning on doing something to work things out. So, really, thanks a lot for the advice.
