Ok so I have always thought of myself as gay but I don't want to be. I mean I do but I don't. I don't want to be an outcast but I want to be with a man. I don't want to be a fag but I want to be with a man. Some girls I can see myself growing old with but I don't think of them sexually. I think of guys sexually but I can't see myself growing old with them. I think two old guys holding hands is just nasty but an old lady and an old man holding hands is cute. I am just really confused right now.
Being gay doesn't mean you're a fag or feminine or anything, it just means you are attracted to the same sex. That's it. You'll find a lot of people will make it more than what it needs to be and I can promise it gets better. And any attempts to change your sexual orientation will end up with frustration. Learn to accept yourself and realize that your feelings toward other guys is just as natural and beautiful as anyone else's. And there's no need to worry about being an outcast, trust me. Coming out (if you haven't already) will help you sort out your friends. If you want to get into the labeling business.. you're gay. I'm judging you because you said you don't think of women sexually. Bisexuals are into men and women sexually. Someone who calls themselves a bisexual who dates men and women but only enjoys the sex with men is not bisexual. Not being able to see yourself growing old with a guy I can relate to. It's not something you see very often, is it? Doesn't mean it won't happen. Good luck.
Hi, I'm Bi and can relate to your confusion as I felt similar at one point a while back. Personally I can enjoy a relationship with a man but I am not looking to marry one nor have a "public" relationship with one but am willing to commit to a discreet relationship whether temp or long term. With Females its different, if the right one comes along I would be willing to marry, have kids etc. I believe it is the influence of societal taboos that we are brought up with in our developmental stages that makes us feel this way and obviously parental/peer influence is a major factor...a fear of a negative judgement. I don't know your age but no matter what it is, just go with the flow, don't beat yourself up trying to figure things out and looking to deeply, if your desires are for males than let your life flow in that direction. You dont have to jump into any "category' , experiment, have fun doing it and enjoy every minute of it. Just be careful. I'm Bi and very happy with it, a few close friends know that and are cool with it, other than that I am a "straight" male who dates women, I do enjoy both. I know this post isn't very insightful and I doubt anyone will give you major insight to yourself other than yourself. Sexuality is extremely complicated and its difficult to categorize individuals based on straight, gay and Bi...eventually you will come to terms with who you are and what your main interests are, keep an open mind, experiment and have fun, listen to other peoples stories and realize there is no magic fix, you will eventually figure it out on your own. Good luck to you, I hope it all works out. ~Jon
I kinda get what you're saying. I've lived with it myself forever. I've been deeply sexually attracted to the same and opposite sex at various times in my life, and other times that they both repel me sexually. Sometimes all I want is a man to hold me, love me & fuck me crazy, other times I can't even see myself kissing another dude. Sometimes the same holds true for a female (though to be honest vagina creeps the shit outta me all the time). If you don't mind me asking how old are you? you sound rather young. If you are still in your teens then the best advice I can give is just try it as far as you can. Safely get the experience under your belt (no pun intended), that's the best way to fully understand what you want and don't want. If you don't like it or people ask questions about it, just blame it on a "phase" you're going through. People tend to forgive these teenage "phases" and move past them most (but not all) of the time. Only you can decide who you are. But you need all the information to make the right decision for you.
