I'm certain at least a few of you remember me. I came on here for the first time in February, mainly because I was googling opiate withdrawal help. Found an inspiring thread that really kickstarted me getting clean. Shit is not going so well right now, and I really just wanted to talk to some people who share similar perspectives. I posted in that thread about how my friend and I going on a wild drug binge night, one of us ended up incredibly sick and overdosed that night, it was the catalyst in jumpstarting our sobriety. I got clean shortly after, and have been for nearly 6 months now. So did he, however he was left with recurring pnuemonia after that night. He spent the better part of the last two months in the hospital (It's the reason I haven't posted on here lately). He passed away a few weeks ago at the age of 24. My best friend of 20 years. I've been alternating between sobbing uncontrollably and attempting to retain my soberiety. I'm still clean, but a part of me just wants to get high and forget my problems for just one moment. I've been attending NA and AA meetings, they've been helping quite a bit. Seeing people who are in just as bad of positions as me and them being able to maintain their sobriety is inspiring to me. I'm curious how you guys have been and what you've been up to. I would type more but I'm honestly holding back tears and it's hard to even talk about things right now. I only posted this here because I have a respect for you guys who helped me with tips on getting sober, wishing me good luck, and cheering me on, and I just really wanted to get things off my mind because I don't really feel confortable talking about these things with my family and friends.
first let me start by saying sorry for your loss.... I really think that the best thing to do is keep on the straight and narrow, I mean we all know that the problems are always there when the fun is over, and sometimes they are even worse, pending on someones situation. If you are having a hard time dealing with the feelings now, imagine how you will feel dealing with the loss and your conscious knowing that you fell off the wagon. I believe that that may be a little to much to deal with unless you had a professional to talk to. I mean what better way to carry on the memory of your friend than through you and your actions??? Staying with it would be a tremendous way to keep him close to your heart and in your mind everyday. You can celebrate both of your lives at the same time while being clean and sober!!!! Hang in there man, we are all always here to lend a few words or bounce some ideas off of!!!!!! Your head can play tricks on you and it can get you to do things you really dont want to do, but your heart never lies......I know your heart has the answer, just have to listen to it.....
Thanks PC. I'm doing okay in the sobriety department right now, I really know that that's what he would want, and it's most definitely what I want right now. It wouldn't help anything to get high right now. How have you been? Are your legs getting better?
Hi. I certainly remember you, considering we both got off the hard stuff around the same time. I used Suboxone and you used the meetings. Hey, whatever works, works, right! I wish you all the best, and feel free to stay and chat, since most of us here are on legitimate regimens OR are in 'recovery' either through Subs, Methadone (not too many here at least), or SMART/NA.
Eggo brother welcome back. Real sorry to hear about your friend bro. Unfortunately theres no magic solution to dealing with the death of a close/best friend so I won't dwell on it. It's great to see your still clean. PC was absolutely right and it's perfectly ok to use what you're going through as inspiration and motivation to help you continue down the path of sobriety. Just keep in your mind the fact that while opiates or your DOC is designed to lessen whatever pain you might have, what it doesn't do is kill the pain you feel from losing someone. Time is the only remedy I know of and fortunately for us, it's free. Keep it going brother, were here if you need us.....!
OP, i do vaguely remember reading some of your threads a while back. I too am sorry about the loss of your friend. Just as others above me have said, your friend would have wanted you to stay clean, as you guys were doing. If you start getting high again man, your going to go down the same path as before, and it isnt worth it. Just take it easy, if you need any moral support, im sure almost all of us here at HF, especially the opiate forum members are here for you. Take Care
Thanks guys. I'm doing alright, it's obviously a really tough thing to go through, but I'm truly adamant about staying clean. Things are rough right now, but I know I'll get through it. I'm finding out that emotional pain can be a lot harder to deal with than physical pain. I know it probably sounds a little weird that I would post something so painful like that on a website with people I barely know, but I can assure you that it REALLY helped me that night to just say anything about it to anyone. I was just about ready to throw away the 6 months of sobriety that I've worked so hard to maintain... I was feeling incredibly vulnerable at that time and just mentioning it really eased my pain. I'll try and come on here more often, I like you guys.
Whats up bro...sorry for the loss..All I can really say is to just hang in there. I can relate to the fight. I've been clean off the opiates since March from being on a Suboxone program. Its been working very well. I really hope that you find it in you to just hang in there and keep fighting. It WILL get better bro. I wish you nothing but the best of luck!!! I also havent been here in forever....Hope everyone else is doing well! I'm really rootin' for you to do well bro....hang it for real!!!!
Your post makes me extremely sad and uncomfortable because i know that one of my friends that should have got clean when we all did, hasn't and i feel that i could see the same thing happened to me before long. I have known him for about 15 years and he is slowly drifitng hard into the needle. I just don't want to wait until its too late. Your post reminds me how precious the time we have with our true friends really is and how its our jobs to influence each other in a positive manner. I am really sorry and sickened for you and your friend. Just stay clean, so that you know that no one else close to you will be put through the same pain you have. It can be a viscious cycle. Only you can do whats right for yourself. All easier said than done. WIsh you the best of luck, it is tough. But its worth it.
Hey thanks guys, and nice job staying sober ColdFusion. I've been spending a lot of time with my friend's family, you know, being there for them. They are like my second family. I can't imagine how hard it is for them to have to deal with losing a son and brother like that. I feel a bit like I'm to blame for what happened but they are constantly reminding me that it wasn't my fault. They keep telling me that if anything I was a positive force in his life and things would have been much worse if I wasn't around. It means so much to me that they aren't faulting me. Seeing my friend's mom crying at her own son's funeral is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and it's something I couldn't ever imagine my mom doing. It's absolutely sobering to think about, and it's something I couldn't ever put her through. It's more than a good reason to stay sober, no mother should ever have to go through that. Sorry bout all that, so depressing I know. Hope you guys are doing well.
