The way adults talk to their kids

Is any of this sinkin in boy?

He's a nice boy, but he's about as sharp as a sack full of wet mice......

 

Depends what you are talking about to the child. I always laugh at parents who say: "my daughter is just one of my girlfriends (mothers)/my son is just like a friend to me (father). No they are not, they are your children.
Children get spoiled these days cause they are treated like adults, they have the same iphones, clothes, rules (since when does a child decide where to go, what to do or what to buy).
I understand talking in a normal way to children but that is what they are children and not your friends.

So true. This is something ppl without kids usually don't understand. Children are 24/7 untill they move out. Children tend to push the bounderies which is ok cause that way they learn and experience stuff. But sometimes, mostly when you are tired, you just get fed up.

That's a generalisation. I can assure you i put enough effort into it. But you are right when you say you need to put effort into it to succeed. With my children it's paying off. Yes they can be a pain sometimes but i can also see how they respond and interact with other children or adults. And 99% of the times it is in a repectfull, caring way. So atleast i must be doing something right, lol.

 

I completely agree with you OP. The passive aggressive threat thing really annoys me. Way to give the kid a complex.

The most annoying thing is you barely ever hear parents saying good things to their kids. You rarely see them saying "Oh wow, look, there's an aeroplane! Do you know how they fly?" or "when you're in a queue it's nice to stand still and wait your turn, because it upsets everyone if you're noisy and impatient" or "hey, great job!"

Once I heard a lady explaining to her child, who looked about 3, what was about to happen in the doctor's surgery. She was patient and kind and the kid took it all in no worries, and by the time she'd finished explaining they were called in. That's how it's done.

I've worked with kids and I realise it's a hell of a job, but yelling or being bitchy or condescending wont help the time to pass in any more pleasant a manner. The worst I've ever had to do with a little kid is use that "I can't believe you're doing something so unreasonable! I'm not angry, just shocked and disappointed" tone. It works every time.

 

I would extend this to "the way people talk to their kids and the way some people talk to their spouses". A couple who live near us sound like a very strict boss and an overworked employee. She yells and bitches at him to mow the lawn or lay a patio or clean the house. What's that about?

 

all woman do this.

 

I've never yelled about patios and lawns. But then I've never really been a real woman. I'm kind of a regular guy. With tits and a vagina.

 

i do not disagree most guys these days have tits and a vagina.

 

this... :2thumbsup:

 

I know what you mean, but then without tits and a vagina :tongue:

 

0 out of 1 women liked this post :mickey:

 

That bothers me too. That's two levels of fucked up because then you are behaving rudely because you have authority over someone, and also assuming you have total authority over your spouse.

 

My friend said I'm like that with my girlfriend "trying to have authority", but I'm obsessed with having power.

 

^this. You can read all the books you want and practice with other kids, but until you actually have kids of your own, it's difficult to predict what you would've done in a situation. Kids constantly test your boundaries, not to mention they're still learning how to become functioning members of society. Everyone knows you should cut em a break, but there's only so many times you can say "the drumsticks are for the drums, not your brothers head" before you just take the damn things away.

Also, how many times have you seen good parenting in the store or whatever. Its the squeeky wheel that gets the oil, and we always make a point to notice the crazies, but there are definitely still good parent/child relationships out there, if only few and far in between.

I will say tho, watching other peoples reactions with their kids sure makes me think about my own interractions with my child. Some of the parent/child relationships I see make me want to run up to the parents and yell "THe reason little Jimmy is calling you a bitch right now is because you just told him to watch his fucking mouth!!!!"

 

There is an important distinction there. It's ok to have power and authority in some situations, but you shouldn't be a tyrant. The right way, or at least in my opinion the honorable way, to have power is by deserving it so much that people follow you of their own will. If you are a strong minded, honest and equitable person your partner and kids will listen to what you say more, same goes for being president or king. Likewise if you try to take power by force, screaming at your kids, simply being more stubborn than your wife, or as a ruler by threatening your people with force, then you don't really have authority, you have something else, which they will avoid following whenever you aren't around. If your kids only follow you because you scream, what are they going to do when you aren't around? They won't care if you told them not to do drugs, or have sex with someone or whatever if they think you won't know. But if they follow you because they respect you, then you have real authority, they will act in the way they think you would approve of even when they don't think you'll find out.

 

If the kid is beating his brother with a drum stick and wont listen to you then I don't have anything against just taking the drum sticks away. I never said you should never punish your kids or tell them what they did was wrong. I'm talking about when people do so in a fake, passive aggressive, or hostile manner. They are going to learn from your example, so I think that taking away something they are misusing is a good consequence, in real life as an adult if you misuse your car they take your licence, but the judge isn't going threaten to give you the death penalty just to scare you when you both know that isn't going to happen.

 

I know, maybe that wasnt a perfect example. You're right tho, it has just as much to do with what you're saying as it does how you say it. I'm not afraid to use a stern voice with my child because it does what its supposed to--gets his attention. Once I have his attention I will go down to his level and calmy explain the situation. Then again, everyone has their days. No parent is perfect, but that doesnt, imo, mean that we shouldnt strive for perfection.

 

I completely agree with this as it has been proved correct by many child phsycologists.