Im officially almost totally fucked

wowsa. i would talk to your boss, and explain the situation. is there something you can do at work that will not aggravate the hernia? then you could make some money without reinjuring yourself.
if she wants to keep the baby there are some things you'll have to figure out related to that, but if you love this girl the first thing is you have to work out whatever caused her to move back to mommy's.
and where you said "WTF is this shit" its the hormones. if she decides to keep the baby then hormones will be the unfightable foe for a long time.

 

With her getting stabbed and the post traumatic stress, the heat, the regular stress, and the hormones, just a little thing set her off. I know I can be an ass sometimes, but I did really good yesterday, all the cooking and cleaning. I just said one dumb thing, and she took off. I just want her to come back, but I dont think she will, cause it not just hormones. Shes moving all her stuff out of her dads appt. her whole childhood, it's too hard on her to be ina relationship right now. Yet she still wants to keep the baby.I went and saw her today took an hour long bus, to tell her how muc I loved her, that was nice.

 

check out http://www.couchsurfing.org/index.html

 

so then you need a communications agreement. you can try a codeword (purple rhinoceros fart) to address an unreasonable situation or reaction. its like an S&M safeword, and it can dissipate an off the wall reaction quickly. my hubby can be totally irrational sometimes, for us its easier to be blunt with each other. "you are being irrational." "why are you reacting like this?" "it was a joke, dear. im sorry i misjudged your sense of humor/ you didnt find it funny."
most people are pretty reactionary, and have a difficult time dealing with a differing view, whether its humor, housework, or an honest criticism. many people flee the disagreement, and that just puts off the issues. she needs to assert her feelings without fleeing the scene, and communicate in an appropriate way. blowing off steam from an argument is one thing, but moving out in a hurry is really only a fit reaction for an abusive situation, or an irreconcilable differences thing, which implies that an attempt to reconcile has been made.
of course, being in a committed relationship also means you try to avoid doing things that piss off the person you care about. you have to let each other know what the irritants are though. for example: inside out socks. "half dirty" clothes (if they are clean enough to wear again, fold and put away. if not, laundry basket) rows and rows of empty beer bottles cluttering up my kitchen counters. these are some of my irritants. hubby has been informed.
im not trying to downplay the stress related aspect, it sounds like a pretty intense amount of shit to wade through. but if her response to stress is to flee, a baby is not going to be easy to cope with. my mom was often found on the front stoop in hysterics when we were kids. i have been reduced to a babbling mess by my son's antics. but you cant run away from a baby, they need you. if you can talk about everything together then you can work just about anything out. you dont always have to agree, you just have to accept the other's views.
i hope things work out well for you

 

sounds like a fair weather girl friend too.

 

I actually miss having a wifey type around all the time, telling me to clean up after myself, and everything. My nice home went to bachelor pad in two days. Shes gunna come and get the rest of her stuff and its going to be so empty. She really grew on me, and I miss her voice and her presence so much. I'm pretty sure she's moving into her aunt's house now.

 

we may be able to brainstorm for you here. bet there is a way that you can handle this


about the rent. usually the best thing to do in this situation is to talk to the landlord, give him a warning about what is going on. he could cut you some slack

you could sublet your apartment for the rest of the summer and go live with your mom or grandma

if it's a two bedroom, you could sublet one of the rooms

if you feel up to it, you could try to rent out a room or otherwise sleeping space to tourists for a nightly fee. could be a big hassle though

you could move out of your apartment and try to sublet a bedroom in an apartment

collecting wellfare might be a good idea

could you office type work on a temporary basis?

 

yeah, the landlord is aware of whats going on we barely made the rent last month too, the 23rd is the absolute latest. I have no experience in office work, but that would be great. Im going to have to bite the bullet and go back to the kitchen. I'm going to let her know that Im going to do everything I can to help support us if she wants to keep the baby. If i'm physically capable, it'll be good to get my mind off of things too. I'm going to stay for another 2 weeks to a month, and see what she thinks. I may even stay here on my own if she doesn't want to keep the baby, it's hard getting back into that routine though. I want to move back to my parents too though, because they have a recording studio, bunch of guitars and music stuff. It's really comforting, and I think I could make something of myself down there. But I like the system in Canada so much better. Im so torn.

 

all this bullshit can in some way be for the better..sometimes moments of misfortune end up benefiting people greatly so i don't see why it won't for you. i think you'll be just fine if you've got some good karma built up. best of wishes

 

imho, going back to the kitchen now would be a really bad idea. you could easily blow your nuts out again. I don't know how hernias go, but I suppose that if you re-injure yourself, you wouldn't necessarily recover.

if your gf is going to have a baby, it's going to be tough to keep the relationship together and raise the kid working in a kitchen.

you might want to live with the folks while you get some job training/ education to do something that pays better and has better job security

then after you could return?

 

I dont think moving to my parents will work, first of all, i'd have to go back to the states. I would have to drop my lease and phone contract. It would put a dent in my credit reputation. Theres actually a lot more opportunity here in Canada for job training and education. Plus minimum wage is 3 dollars an hour less down there. For now all I need to worry about is supporting myself so the kitchen job will do, they actually have a free college to get trained for certain trades, you just have to pay 80 bucks or something + books. That was my plan before. If I reinjure myself theyre just going to have to do surgery again, and another 6 weeks of sitting on my ass, plus 4 days of the worst pain Ive ever felt. Its a tightrope walk, but I have to do what I gotta do to pay the bills. I called my work today if they have my position open, theyre going to get back to me tommorrow. I just hope that works out.

 

hey I forgot to say congrats on the kid..I hope it all works out

I only know you from these forums but from what I seen you post over the years I think you'd be a great dad

 

Courage the Cowardly Dog! I love that cartoon!

 

Hey thanks thats really nice of you to say. Im going to go down to the welfare thing, tell them I cant work see what they can do.. things are gunna work. These are very hard times, but theres no way I can leave her, it tears me up inside to think of her not being able to see me.

 

are u sure its urs ????

 

yeah shes always been honest with me.

 

holes in the ozone, oil spills, nuclear energy leaks, co2, waste.. Recycle and save the Earth.. L:0l.

 

Took me almost a week but things are looking better, my rent will be covered by welfare and my family will be able to help me out with my Hydro and Phone.. and I realised how co-dependent on her I am. Which needs to stop now, I refuse to wait around for calls now. I can't believe how much I lost myself. That Beatles song Think for Yourself, makes so much sense now. I really need to learn about myself in these times and learn how to stand on my own two feet. People go through harder times than what I'm going through all the time. I need to do things for myself, If infact she is pregnant than its a different story(still might be just the stress that are creating the symptoms). For now that's all I can do, and the bills will be covered so all I need to do is learn how to be happy in myself again, and not be dependent on someone else.

 

...and it;s not so damn hot this week

 

yeah so I can go outside!