Opiates keep me alive

Obviously some of you posters are just uneducated assholes and do not know what bipolar disorder is and does to humans. And FYI -- I had a urine test done to determine my neurotransmitter levels, and my dopamine and serotonin are way off. So all of you ignorant dumbasses that say no true medical issue is present cannot empathize with my situation and do not need to be commenting on my post.

 

But i truly appreciate every other poster who is giving me advice other than to be more greatful or not just saying that its all in my head. Thank all of you. Mushrooms helped me get out of a depressive phase two years ago but i cannot find any around where i live.

 

Possibly this could be a solution...............

Similar research is currently underway after years without new information.

OP assumption is the mother of all fuck ups...............

 

FYI the only legal drug that made me not suicidal was lamictal (lamotragine), but it gave me Steven Johnson's syndrome




Stevens–Johnson syndrome (SJS) is a life-threatening condition affecting the skin in which cell death causes the epidermis to separate from the dermis. The syndrome is thought to be a hypersensitivity complex affecting the skin and the mucous membranes. An allergic loss of much of the skin. Often this is fatal if not treated early.--http://www.medical-definitions.com/stevens-johnson-syndrome.htm

 

OP assumption is the mother of all fuck ups...............[/QUOTE]


FYI a week after i originally posted this i attempted suicide, and thats why I have not been on for a while . I took 60 of my antihistamines but my dad got me to the hospital just in time because when he came to say goodnight (he usually doesn't), my lips were blue. I was in the psych ward for a while and I’m currently on 2500 mg of depakote daily but it doesn’t do shit anymore. I was trying to get on the suboxone one week before the attempt, but my doctor said he wouldn’t put me on it, and if I purposely got enough opiates in my system and then claimed opiate dependence and asked for that—he would not see me again.

 

I dont doubt your condition and i feel bad for you but i dont think its fair your assumption about the intelligence of the people who replied to your post.......

Opinions are like ass holes everyone has got one..................

 

I am sorry for going off on you too liquid, but some of those posters on the front page struck a wrong chord when Shivaya said "you don't actually have a DISEASE" and when smokinIVXX
"wtf man?

you can thank your lucky little fucking stars you werent born to the mother of 8 in a frightening Slum located at the other side of the world in Mumbai, India.

Were you meant to be born????!??!!?

You're not poor, you're not even fat, but you do have an addiction to painkillers "

I hate people who leave comments like that (I am not saying I hate you bc you actually left useful information) because if i was the exact same person "born to the mother of 8 in a frightening Slum located at the other side of the world in Mumbai, India," I would have had no problem killing myself if i was born there, and thats why i feel so guilty for wanting to die.

 

I hate it when people say, such things as a less fortunate part of the world.
I am Bipolar 2 and if I mess up my medication schedule, my life returns to how life was without medication a living hell.
Without medication I was suicidal, attempted 11 times almost successful many times, I would self injure and still do when my meds are off, I just hated life.

My opinion is if you have not suffered a severe mental problem you have no ground to stand on.

 

Way off what? There is no baseline for serotonin in the human body. There is no way to measure the amount of serotonin in a LIVING human being.

And all these people that say they're suicidal and they've attempted this many times... Bullshit. Big fat smelly fucking bullshit. How hard is it to cut your wrists then your jugular? How hard is it to jump off a very high place?

I don't like to sound unsympathetic, I'm sorry you're suffering but would you know you were bi-polar if nobody had told you? If you lived in a world where you got everything you want and there was nothing to make you unhappy would your bi-polarity still have any significance? My experience of people with this disorder indicates that they have a great tendency to identify themselves by the condition they are told they have and become reliant on drugs for it. WEAK STUPID BEHAVIOUR. CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR AND YOU WILL CHANGE.

And no crying, don't post shit on an internet forum if you're scared of not hearing what you want to hear. What do you want to hear, anyway? Sympathy? We've got our own problems, the whole fucking world has its own problems.

WE HAVE A CHOICE. MAKE YOUR CHOICE.

 

The OP made an incorrect assumption before and apologised why is everyone having a go at him instead of trying to help

 

Cutting your wrists is not as easy as it sounds, Ive done it both ways, horizontal and vertical both times the clotted up and I even used a blood thinner the last time.
As for your jugular I never tried it but there is a lot of tissue and tendons before you would hit an artery.
Jumping off a high place is not a sure fire way to die, some sky divers chutes have failed to open they have survived.
Then theres guns, better aim right or you could become disfigured of have severe brain damage.
How bout an overdose, most are unsuccessful and result in kidney and liver damage.

My point is suicide is not as easy as people perceive it to be.

As for my Bipolar I was not officially diagnosed with it until earlier this year, I opted to take the drugs that are usually prescribed to someone who is bipolar because I fit almost all the symptoms of Bipolar and the medication worked, I was able to function in life again.
I just now need to not forget to take my meds so I can continue to have a happy healthy life.

 

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMMMMMM BUT if someone is truly suicidal then they would not be taking meds to keep them sane and alive, they would endeavor to die. Your blood can clot but you can cut it again, your jugular vein might not go on the first slice but you can slice again. If you really want to die then pain is nothing, fear of pain and death getting in the way should tell you that you're kidding yourself. You can hang yourself or jump off something high with a non stretchy rope around your neck, you can jump off something high and make sure you hit the ground head first. You can do all of the suicide techniques mentioned all at once! You could just trek out into the desert until you collapse from exhaustion and death wouldn't be too far behind!!!! If you don't finish the job or do everything humanly possible to try then you are no way suicidal!

Suicidal? NO. Attention seeking? YES. It's a cry for help, nothing more. When someone really wants to die they fucking do it, even if people try to stop them or help him, they do everything in their power to end their lives. People calling themselves "suicidal" are in actual fact PUSSIES. EVERYONE gets depressed, saddened and angered by the world around them, unless they are mentally ill or living a very nice life. Every night I say a little prayer that I'll die soon, preferably that night. Every hour of every day my thoughts will turn nasty and get me down, the idiocy in the world gets to me and eats away at me, as it does millions - probably billions - of others. I've had counselling, done drugs, distracted myself and been clinically examined. I've been "suicidal" but obviously not really suicidal or I wouldn't be here. I didn't want to take medication for something that I couldn't understand as an illness. When I made that decision, that's when I realised... The problem isn't me, there is nothing wrong with ME. It's the world that is wrong, the prescribed medication is just a way to make you cope in the world, to adjust your behaviour to conform to a more livable mode of outlook (numbness). THE MEDS TREAT NOTHING. They just hide the symptoms of your sadness.

Really, what is the root cause of this unhappiness, this sadness we like to brand as a condition or illness? The cause is the world around us, our environment and all its stresses, all its nonsensical tasks that we are forced to undertake for no good reason, all the suffering that results from our seemingly innocent lives. The tribes in the jungle - they have no bi-polar; the royalty that get everything provided for them as a birthright - they have no bi-polar. BI-POLAR IS NOT YOU, IT IS YOUR BEHAVIOUR IN RESPONSE TO YOUR ENVIRONMENT. All of these psycological conditions, just labels for behaviour. If you really want to treat the illness, you must treat the cause of the illness, not the symptoms. The fucked up world is the problem, not your brain chemicals.

 

Attention seeking, I think not, I want this to all go away so my family and friends do not have to check on my mental stability.
Most my suicide attempts were in the moment and not carefully thought out.
I had a few attempts that had drawn attention so I could not retry because I was being checked on.
Three other times I passed out from blood loss.
Believe me I have tried, but I am trying to stay away from those thoughts for the fact I love my family and would not want to hurt them with such a selfish act.

 

Passed out from blood loss, then your blood congealed? A very rare occurence, as far as I understand. Being "checked on" would not stop a truly suicidal person. Suicide is incredibly unselfish when you consider the whole world.

I'm sorry but I just don't buy this shit. Someone has put ideas in your head, none of it is you. Well, maybe the part about loving your family is you. By trying to stay away from thoughts you lead yourself ever closer to them. Don't think about penguins... I bet you thought about penguins.

Sorry if I'm coming across as callous, by the way. Honestly, I want to help.

You want this all to go away, now that is a loaded statement. You know the easiest way for it all to go away so nobody ever has to check on you, right? But instead you are choosing medication, easy and hard at the same time. Why not try the true hard way, by actually changing the person you are, by actually being in control of your actions and not just a slave to your emotions? If you are not happy then you are not doing enough to MAKE you happy, you see? You are carrying on wallowing in the mire of malcontent with the aid of drugs to numb you and keep you afloat instead of dragging yourself out of the swamp. Treat the CAUSE, not the symptoms! The cause is your poor development as a human being, a lack of self actualisation and an environment that hurts you, I would guess. In other words, stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself and go and live your fucking life! Saying this to myself is why I have my username! You need a plan for your life, you need to be in control of where it is going. You need to know what you want and how to get it, where you should be and who you should know and MAKE IT HAPPEN. Then you won't feel bad.

And after all, feeling bad is better than feeling nothing. By a long shot.

 

I hope we can agree to disagree on this subject.
Without you being able to step into my shoes and experience what I have gone through you are just basing this on your opinion, which I do respect and thank you for your insight.

I will not be posting in this thread anymore.

 

I somehow feel this whole thing isnt helpful to the OP.

 

I will say one more thing Shivaya is right this was not helpful to th OP and I apologize to whiteboy91 for hijacking his thread.
I am glad you found a drug that works for you, it can be hard finding something that works.

 

I admit i am a pussy. I do not care. You are just an asshole who has no fucking Medical license and does not know shit about neuroscience. But i do agree that we Americans and other civilized nations have not evolved quick enough to our environment, and that is a huge factor that explains why some of us have difficulties coping with our society. Saying that medicines do not help is fucking horse shit. Before I started on depakote i was always tense and pissed off; now I am fine and i do not care if they just mask the symptoms because it has helped my mania.

 

I admit i am a pussy. I do not care. You are just an asshole who has no fucking Medical license and does not know shit about neuroscience. But i do agree that we Americans and other civilized nations have not evolved quick enough to our environment, and that is a huge factor that explains why some of us have difficulties coping with our society. Saying that medicines do not help is fucking horse shit. Before I started on depakote i was always tense and pissed off; now I am fine and i do not care if they just mask the symptoms because it has helped my mania.

And why am I on a forum if i want attention?? Why wouldn't i just tell all of my friends? There are some people that attempt that for different reasons but i still pity them. Probably because i am a pussy who just cannot handle life, even though i have a 3.4 gpa in college, my parents pay for it, and they are actually great parents. So i definitely am a pussy by your standards.

 

And after all, feeling bad is better than feeling nothing. By a long shot.[/QUOTE]


Hahaha good one. I fucking disagree with you there buddy. You don't know fucking shit. My dad is a fucking oncologist hematologist and the head of the indiana cancer society, so i think the doctor he takes me to knows a lot more about this shit than your own life experiences.