Idleness and social stigmatism

I'm 24 and live with my mom, I don't have any kind of job, but keep busy with good hobbies.

The people who live above us in our condo stomp whenever they hear me moving, it's absolutely ridiculous, I've spoken with them about the issue, but they just act like nothing is going on, they say they're doing "renovations", but it's quite clear that they just don't like me living here and think it's okay to make my life miserable by banging on my cieling all of the time.

I live in a very working class city, but I personally come from a heavily intellectual family. I'm personally 6'2 and 220lbs, so I'm constantly dealing with people insisting on a hard work ethic, especially being a big man, I'm kind of expected to be a role model for people to look up to.

My whole life I've just felt sick about it, there are no nerds or "intellectuals" of my physical size, so I simply have no friends, as I'm not a labourer or a sports fan or any of those things that people associate with being big and tall.

I only just finished highschool last year at age 23, and I've sat and watched people half as smart as me earning university degrees by this age.

I basically just stay at home and take care of my widowed mother, while the 5 foot tall squirrels up on top of me bang of my cieling any time they hear me breathing.

I'm really spiteful of the fact that I haven't been able to make any friends, or find a suitable place of employment, and basically just am in the position of forever bearing the condescending attitude of my mother, who calls me useless and miserable on a daily basis.. lighty, llike it's supposed to actually make me feel better in some insane way.

My older brother has also been committed to a mental institution for over 20 years, and my older sister joined an eco-cult overseas.

I feel as though I just have no opportunity to get out and live my life, and every time I suggest we move, my mom says she doesn't have any money, which is in contrast to her saying that our family has lots of money on other occasions, basically I have no idea what my future will be like financially, I consistently am failed by all of the educational institutions... after a week of working at burger king last year, I fell off a ladder and smashed my right arm, which now doesn't bend and has 4 pins in the bone.

All I want is a decent job to occupy my time with, but there's nothing available, I just sit at home commenting on thses and other message boards.

 

i mean this in a nice way, but you need to step it up.
join some organizations, enroll in community college, and move out of your mothers house

 

People just treat me like an alien

 

that's how most people feel. you just need to face those feelings.

 

"keep busy with good hobbies." What are your hobbies? Could any of them be turned into businesses or careers?

 

I purposefully moved to the corridor near the entrance of the condo to avoid any spatial issues, and so the woman who lives above me moved to the same place, just for the sake of annoying me. These are large two bedroom condos. Her husband hissed at me all night.

They're both like 4'8 ~ 5'2 feet tall, but perpetually curse and slam doors, they try to come off as physically intimidating towards me, and I've always been against violence, but it's gotten to the point of driving me up the wall.

I personally feel like I go out of my way to accomodate them, I guess this could go to the whiners forum, I don't know what to do.

 

Gelrex, under no circumstances let them goad you into doing anything at all that they could use against you.

I have a big high-velocity fan next to me on my bed. It creates loud white noise that drowns out most sounds.

Also, can you put earphones on and listen to music to drown them out? I used to do that sometimes when my psychotic stepdaughter would go into one of her antagonizing fits of shouting at me and banging on my door, before she got stabilized on meds.

If what you're saying is true, I'm wondering if your upstairs neighbors must be psychotic also. Don't they have anything to do with their lives besides torment you? It seems to me that being accommodating is not helping. If they're going to be assholes to you no matter how quiet you try to be, then what's the use of trying so hard to be quiet?

 

Call in a noise complaint on them.

 

You sound paranoid.

I mean if they haven't said anything to you, there's a *chance* it's passive aggression.
But for the sake of your own mental health, just run with the assumption that it has nothing to do with you.

 

Enroll in school. Go for an Associates in Arts and Science till you figure out what you want to do.

 

i'm a big man 6'4 260 pounds. I have integrated myself with people who are not jocks. I'm not fit either (not fat not thin).

In my personal opinion what has got me friends (I have had a very distancing life) is my desire my drive to try things. I have done so many things from theater (high school, amateur adult), costume design, rugby, chess clubs, amateur basketball, woodworking, kayaking, drug culture, club culture, bi-polar support group.

What I'm saying is go. Intelligence is crap hard work will get you a degree if you want it. I'm not achieving my full potential but I'm happy and I know I'm trying I'm trying to make the next not the same as the last and that's what really counts the trying.

Nerds are the easiest groups to integrate. Just share common experiances from books, games, whatever the nerd group is. You like star wars then with those nerds you take about star wars highlights. what can be difficult is when to stop talking and sharing a conversation, that would have to be done in person. Look online for people who want to be friends if it's you're thing dnd can be a great outlet were you can socialize and make connection. Networking is a big part of getting good jobs

 

Gelrex, I'm 23 years old and have only been back in education for a year. From ages 18-22 I didn't have a job or do anything meaningful (or even leave the house that much) and it was the biggest mistake of my life. That 4 year void in my personal history is a burden, it's damaged my employability and made me have to work incredibly hard to get back into society despite the fact that, like you, I've watched people who weren't half as academically capable get degrees and get good jobs during this time.

I grew up in a small run-down town where nobody had any ambition and barely anybody even had a job of any sort.

You have to break out of this rut. You know that. You have to put all your energy right now into breaking out somehow, because this is your life. Even your sister is at least doing something.

Look for work, even far away or in a job that wont suit you well, even if just for the experience and to up your prospects. Do you have a partner? Get out and meet people. Volunteer at something. Get back into education. If you get the opportunity to earn money, save it all. Even though you're not inclined towards labouring, do a bit for people and get the money. Be flexible. Use your strength to your own advantage. That's a truly smart thing to do.

You can't rely on how much money your mother does or doesn't have anymore. You don't need me to tell you that. It's going to be fucking difficult to make it out there on your own, but you just have to. You have to start from the very bottom and work your way up. Get back to Burger King, keep studying, change your life as much as you can right now.

You can do this, Gel.

 

Gelex - there's absolutely nothing wrong with you or what you are doing.

Work is totally and utterly meaningless in the modern world, and those that see this will not feel pressured into doing it just because others are doing it. Why do people work? Either they want money for physical distractions, to shift their attention from the meaninglessness of their lives, or they feel they are doing something for the world. The latter is maybe even more pernicious than wanting to earn money because it simply isn't true, there being no way to physically change the world without complete inner freedom which not even 1% of the world's population has. People are dominated by their emotions, thoughts, ambitions, fears and pleasures so cannot possibly do anything good for the world. Education is just as much of a joke as work, relying totally on the mere accumulation of knowledge instead of real learning, questioning what and why is the world instead of learning what has come before. Work on yourself first like you have been doing, then only when that is done and you feel what needs to be done with your heart you will know what it is you have to do.

Those that have said "you need to work" in this thread probably need to question their adherence to their parents' antiquated brand of Protestant work ethic.

 

Despite anyone's opinion on this, you hae to be practical to some degree once you pass the age of about 17. The fact is, unless you're willing to set up a teepee somewhere and live of the fat of the land, we're in this system. We're in it and somehow we must acquire food, clothes and shelter. Our parents don't last forever, not to mention the fact that sponging off their life of hard work in the system is hardly fair.

So nobody has ever done anything good for the world because humans have emotion? What?

Sadly, this used to almost be the case. Fortunetly we are breaking out of this mould, slowly but surely with critically-minded and innovative academics leading new research and learning techniques.

I spent 4 years "working on myself". That was before I learnt that the best way to work on yourself is on the move, during a life where you are functioning in society, talking with others, producing, creating, building and actively learning rather than sitting on your arse feeling empty and thinking about all those great things you should be doing but can't.

I was raised by an unemployed mother on welfare in a town where barely anybody worked. That is how I know about the benefits of work and education. I swear my kids will have stability and real food and clothes without holes in them. They'll get those things not only by my hard work, but by my forging of a fulfilling career that's great for me too. Surely all that is better than frittering our short lives away.

 

Your entire post is based on the assumption that if you aren't working, you aren't doing anything (worthwhile). Also, people live in a society, not as isolated individuals. It doesn't matter who earns the money, yet we seem to think it isn't "fair" when someone doesn't work. If my wife wants to pursue her own personal development and I am happy to support her, I don't get all whingy if she isn't "putting in the hard yards". I would also support my children so they can do their best to find out how they can best help the world, rather than wasting it doing a job they don't like or they feel is useless. Working in an office from 9 to 5 is an imprisonment. There are other ways to earn a living that are helpful and pleasant, which do not destroy the world by rushing about pursuing your own wellbeing.

 

It was based on the assumption that we have to eat and survive. If you get to a point where you're in a relationship and one partner really wants to work so hard they can pay for both of you while you do other things, that's fine if it suits both people. But this guy isn't in that position, he's young and living with his mother.

Work doesn't have to be 9-5 in an office. Unfortunately, with work, you must start at the bottom and work your way up, simply to earn enough money to live while you study or advance. Doctors and teachers once flipped burgers or stacked shelves or maybe even cleaned. Everyone has to start somewhere. It's only a prison sentence if you let it be.

 

it seems your entire post is based on the assumption that the op is happy and has a plan about discovering himself.

Your alternative work theory seems inapplicable to the op because he is isolated and idle.

I don't think a life isolated from people will lead to any form of enlightenment.

especially when:

I don't think any internal or metaphysical questions can be answered without focus and effort.

If he was saying he was having doubts discovering his place in the world because he was sacrificing financial security for personal growth I could understand your post in this thread. (not sure if i would agree or disagree)

but a man socially starved and in a rut of idleness is only spinning his wheels till he does. even if all he does is go for a hike, join social circles, taste life, and examine the benefit and growth in every action, every day.

 

"should" someone work? it's funny because I've been having lots of conversation on that topic lately - as it regards a friend.

he seems to be able to get jobs; but he gets fired from all of them. sometimes in just days. he has lasted for months a few times. but, it seems an inevitability that he'll get fired at some point. he always has so far. right now he's gotten a call to see if he is interested in having an interview. now he's waiting for a call-back.

him and i have had a lot of talk about "work"; and in restrospect, i see that a lot of my contribution has been along the lines of advice to him on how to "keep" a job. i've said to him more than once that he knows how to get a job; he just needs to learn how to keep it. he contributes a lot on the idea of he only wants to work because he needs money. other than that he has no interest in "working for a living".

anyways... just over the past few days i've come to a new realization about my thinking about it. that is; i realize now that it does't matter to me if he doesn't work. what matters to me, i realize, is that i find i have a belief that folks should be able to be self-sufficient. and the real thing for me is that if he doesn't work is fine; but he should still be self-sufficient.

iow, as long as he's not begging shit from his family and friends when he a person capable of getting his own shit, then it's fine. don't want to join the rat race and work like most folks? cool. just don't expect to mooch a life then from those others.

in your situation it does not sound as if you are self-sufficient. that is perhaps because you didn't add any such writings to your post. so... are you self-sufficient? if not, then imo, that is what you should strive for. self-sufficiency. (that does not mean moving out from mom's btw - it only means you are not living there because you are unable to provide your own shelter)

not sure that helps but it's what came to mind on reading your thread and it just flowed into the reply box.

cheers

 

oh, i forgot to add; even with my reply above, i still keep a healthy skepticism that the op story is bs. it's like that "pregnant girl's letter" that keep getting worse every sentence.

one like this:
http://myshayaries.wordpress.com/2009/02/13/a-girls-letter-for-her-mother/

that's how the op comes off.

still, it might be legit and the discussion is interesting anyways.

 

Your generation has always valued money above all else. I can tell you that some people cherish the opportunity to help, it makes them feel great and would rather spend their money on someone they love than have a large bank account. Don't pretend it's not true.