Am i gay? Do i have HOCD?

Hey everyone I'm knew to the forums! Don't really know where this should go, so sorry if it's in the wrong place, I just really need some advice right now.

Right, OK I'm 15 years old and really worried that i might be gay. It all started when I was 14 I basically got an erection from touching a boys penis with my foot.. he didn't know i got this erection but i did. I also got a wet-dream from this which i aren't going to lie i did sort of like it.. I am constantly having thoughts 24/7 about being gay. I put my self in situations (in my head) of being with a man i don't get and erection but i do get a tingle sort of feeling above my penis near the fore-skin. I have also forced myself to watch sort of gay porn ( 2 guys kissing), which again I didn't get an erection from however got that tingle sensation again. It is like I'm battling my brain I'm saying no but my brain is telling me it's what i want.. but i don't!

I am interested in girls i find them attractive. Recently at school, I am sat next to a really nice girl who sometimes flirts with me. She was rubbing the back of my leg with her foot and i got an erection. When-ever i think about doing stuff with girls it's nice.. Like the other night, I imagined my self with this girl and me feeling her bum.. lol.. i then slipped my hand down her you.. know.. parts and thought that was really nice. But the next day, I think about it and I question it like did I really like that? and i did!! but when I think about it I don't really enjoy as much as I did last time.. It's like my brain saying you don't like that.

The other night, whilst in bed, I was testing my self again thinking about gay stuff generally... and i thought i got an erection, but I think i got that tingle again, at least i hope so.. Then my anxiety went through the roof.. I started getting palpitations, i was sweating, and just really worried..

About 4 months ago I was watching a film called Dogtooth there was a scene with some girl on girl action and i really liked it ( got an erection). It reassured me that I wasn't gay yet.. the thoughts over-whelmed me.

Just recently I was watching my mate text a friend and i saw his crotch and I'm not going to lie i found it quite nice...

But you see i really... really... don't want to be gay. I get really sad and angry. I want to be like my brother, he has a nice girl and a really good life.. When i think about being in a relationship with guy it's like no, but then like the next day I'm thinking are you sure? is this the H-OCD?? I have really gotten upset about this, i don't want to be gay!

At the end of the day i get an erection for girls, i like the feeling when Im close to a girl i want to hug girls and get close, i cant be gay can I??

Also I really want to know what's this tingling i get in my penis.

Really would like some help it is really getting to me,

Thanks
Jae.

 

its Ok to be Gay..

 

Not to mention that at your age you can get an erection if you think about air or clouds or three toed sloths. Guys in their early/mid teens are hormone factories running on overtime during all shifts, morning, noon and night. Emotions are blowing through your system like summer storms that rapidly arise and then end as quickly.

You appear to be bright and articulate. Google adolescence/adolescent males and learn about whats happening inside of you. In a bizarre sort of way you may find it to be great fun being as capricious and crazy as you are right now. You're on a ride you didn't pay for and you can't get off of it...it's called maturing, developing. Just as you can't get off this ride you can't really predict where it may stop for you. That means you may well end up at an unexpected destination. Don't sweat that either cause wherever you stop is where YOU are supposed to be. Statistically, however, most people are straight.

Don't waste a lot of energy liking or disliking potential stopping point. When you get off this ride you're exactly where YOU are supposed to be so take off from there and have fun whoever you are.

PS: I love you kid, whoever you are cause you came here and opened your soul a bit...thats courageous.

 

pshh i'm gay and dont get an erection from seeing guys kiss. :beatnik:

overthunk much?

jeezus why do you think its so bad to be gay, or at least bi?

and about how you admire your brother being with a girl, if you're going to distinguish your sexuality based on that, i'd say you have a pretty narrow view on what 'love' is or what being content is.
the only way that your brother's relationship is affecting you is that it's influencing you obviously, but if you see it as a problem, change something.
just do whatever you are comfortable with, no one will judge (well no one should judge), you need to put your comfort above other people's influences (i'm assuming you're having those kinds of problems cuz u seem to think being gay is bad).
and last but not least, expose yourself to things.

i highly suggest you watch a documentary called The Butch Factor.
download it, or you can probably just stream the whole thing online like on here: http://eztvstream.com/documentaries/the-butch-factor-2009

 

To be fair, there is still a lot of prejudice in this world towards gays, and most school envoirenments are awash with anti gay language, and the attitude that it's okay to make fun of gays. Like it or not, most young people are conditioned from an early age that heterosexual relationships are the norm, be that in the family envoirnment, school envoirnment, peers or whatever, that is the message that most people recieve while growing up. That a man being with a woman is the "natural" way to be, and that's how babies are made. The gay aspect of relationships are never taught in schools, or by most parents. Why do you think so many young gay people have relationships with the opposite sex knowing full well it's not what they desire or want?

Things are much better now for gay people than they ever have been, but there is still a long, long way to go before we reach a stage where the vast majority of young people are growing up in an envoirenment where gay relationships are also shown to them to be the norm, and on an equal term with hetero relationships.

 

So really guys, reading what i have put, what would you think of me? gay/bi/straight/curious?

Oh and bogsukyle I don't see a problem wanting to be like my brother. I have always looked up to him. I just want to be in a relationship like him. It's just really nice...

 

yeah i agree man. but that shouldnt be a dealbreaker of accepting your sexuality though.

from the little i know of you, you sound bi.

and yeah i know, nothing wrong with admiring a person or relationship, but what makes you think that that isn't possible with being gay/bi? how does being gay or bi change that at all? unless you want to be a replica, i'd say what i did before and say you're view on your ideal love situation is pretty narrow.

 

I have been thinking about being bi. I can sort of accept that but not gay. I just don't think i am.

When i think about doing the general stuff you do in a relationship like hugging, holding hands, comforting one an other i just don't want to do that with a guy and with a girl it's just nice.. I've often had urges to hug/kiss a girl when she's seemed upset, now if a guy i knew was upset I'd be like come on mate cheer up lol..

 

thats very very very normal for a people to be attracted to both genders in a different way.
if someone says they're bi, it doesn't necessarily mean they would date both, nor does it mean they like to just fuck anyone they can get their hands on. its a lil complex, so don't put limitations on things.
if you eventually get with a guy, you might open up to dating a guy, who knows. its all a learning experience you should definitely experience

lol i dont see anything wrong with that.
you outlined a gender stereotype though, u know you don't have to follow it? you might be pretty content with the grass on the other side yknow?

 

Hmmm please explain??

 

if you don't feel like huggin and squeezin a guy, thats fine. nothin wrong with that. if you do feel like huggin and squeezin a guy, it doesnt matter either.
it just seems like you put limitations on things, and you should try breaking them.
i know that sounds hypocritical saying 'do what you're comfortable with', but then say 'break limitations', but what i'm trying to get at is that you're putting a burden on yourself that is completely unnecessary, find a niche to be comfortable in your own skin.

 

I don't think your gay, you are just bi-curious, meaning that you are probably just curious about being with a man, and probably only physically attracted to men, but both mentally and physically attracted to girls.

That tingly feeling is normal, your attracted to whatever you are looking at or sexually aroused.

Have you ever thought about being in a relationship with a male friend that you are close to or known?And you think about it alot, If so maybe you are bi.

 

whats HOC-D mean?

 

Its not about what you think you are, its what everyone else thinks you are


At 15, the 100 percenters usually have all gal friends, who are tooo comfortable around them, knock off from school then go braid each others hair, talk about Justin Beiber etc. This gal friend of yours that sometimes flirts and plays footsies; she doesnt think you're gay.


As for OCD, encountered enough gay males in my lifetime to know there is something of a correlation between that and anxiety and neurotic disorders or at least a persuasion towards something of that nature. You are supposed to be PC and say theres no diff between gay or straight, but they do tend to (more than the norm) have some kind of OCD, hyperactivity or anxiety thing.

But its just a chicken or the egg thing, does the anxiety come from nothing to do with being gay but worrying about everyones elses stupid shit, more hyperactive compared to the norm from not having to slow down to a female partners pace yada yada

So as for H-OCD, is it anxiety about being gay, or anxiety about being emasculated? Fear of being emasculated is more a hetero male concern than a homo male one, thus hetero males more likley to suffer from H-OCD, thus you are more likely to be a hetero male, with the odd thoughts about guys, but down the straight end of the spectrum.


But as I said, its what everyone else thinks. If the girls are too relaxed around you, or the other thing, they go straight into bitchy competitive mode you are up one end of the spectrum. But if they cover up the cleavage or raise the eyebrows, you are somewhere in the middle.

 

you can be, nobody said 'nice' relationships were exclusive only to strait couples.

and, to answer your question - you are currently bi-curious. i was like you at about 14, it really boils down to any emotional connection.

i feel pure lust only does not consort to bisexuality, so over the years you will eventually discover whether you want a relationship with the same sex or not.

if you do, then you are bisexual. if not, it's a grey area in terms of definition, but if you still lust for men only then it's easier just to say you are not exclusively strait.

 

i'm going to guess homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder, but i'm not sure.

 

Google is your friend

 

We still have a long way to go, I agree with Invisible Soul. Even though my father knows about my lifestyle, we don't talk about it. I learned early on to stay quiet about it, in general. Besides, I would rather have people know my good nature before my sexual preference. I'm not in a habit of putting myself on a spot, especially nowadays. Also, the majority of people where I live are Christian, conservative heterosexuals. Since you're still talking about your friend's crotch, it's safe to say you're a bisexual. In the end, your life is your journey. You also have to keep in mind that being with another person is very complicated. Gay, bi, straight, they all have their major problems, not just the good side. And then you get old, your body starts to fall apart... I've learned to love my homosexual nature, and working on myself is never over. Thankfully I could easily blend in, but I've known people who were very femme in mannerism and appearance. "If you know how to work it, life is not that bad," a friend said to me a long time ago. Now that he's a lot older, "The 'surgery' takes a bit longer," he tells me in a more somber tone. But, one issue at a time, right?

 

Hello, you see I have never been emotionally attracted to a man, I've often tried to picture myself with a man but to me It's unappealing, however with a girl it would nice. Even when I've been little I've always had crushes on girls and been emotionally attracted to them as well as physically. Recently I've been going mad about this girl i have a huge crush on, sadly she has a boyfriend, but will see what happens . Thanks a lot you guys for all your comments.