Please tell me how you got over being cheated on...

Hey everyone...

Right so me and my have a very unsteady history...I feel I need to tell the WHOLE STORY for people to comprehend the cheating part....

We'd started Uni the same year and were friends about half a year before going out...

Shortly after that I got pregnant/we fell out/he wasnt supportive enough because he very young/pregnancy gone...

5 months later I get back in touch with him because I missed him in my life...back in life...friendship...

he goes abroad for a few weeks makes friends with this other woman then he comes home...weeks later we eventually start seeing each other again...
initially he's going miles away to visit her even tho we're back together, I ask him to stop contact with her because not right to be pursuing friendships wit girls you met when single..

.he's secretly continuing that friendship online, she has no idea of my existence.
post-preg issues raising furiously - lots and lots of tears, anger, depression, shouting and general abuse...

I leave for home for a couple weeks because I am unable to cope anymore...
he pretends he's off camping with his best mate, but has secretly planned to travel the length of the country to visit this girl while I'm back home (the whole time txting me that he's off to camp, losing signal etc.)...
I get back home, he acts like normal, we go festivals etc have a great tim nothing ever said...I only find out about a month later cos I sense something is up and so check up on his phone - here is when I find txt msg's from her going on about what a lovely time she had with him.
I get MENTAL at him, everyone comes out..

eventually tho I'm the one convincing him we can still make it despite all we've been through...we stay togethr...go travelling...have a wonderful life with so many things to the process to look forward to (mostly)...

I KNOW how much I mean to him - but I always meant this much, and it didn't stop him then...

I let him off all of this because he is younger and less experienced than me...I am his first real girlfriend and he's had so much to deal with in that time....being young and inexperienced, we make mistakes...but even though it's a year later, it still plays on my mind!

It makes my future seem so much scarier...this isn't even the only thing that's happened before that's just nasty...but 99% the time it's great, and then something really nasty will happen..

used to think he was the greatest nicest most caring guy in the world, but more and more things happen through the years that dents that image and I dunno if we're just in a nasty cycle or if this is just a guy who can be really really loving and kind and then the cruelest person you ever met..

has anyone else had such heavy sh*t to deal with so early on in a relationship?
All this has happened and we've only been together just over 2 years, you'd think we'd been together a decade the arguments we have! did you get over it?? I'm so confused, this is the best and worst relationship I've ever had, and the amount of wonderful things that will go if we break up will leave my life the shell if aimed to be...

 

aw shit baby....sounds like a classic douchebag....

step one...dump his ass
step two...get wasted
step three...do not listen to music of any kind
step four...get busy with your own life...enroll in stuff...go places...window shop....


good luck

 

Few things to mention: Make separate paragraphs please! That is difficult to read!

If you told him that you forgave him- then let it go. Bringing up the past to use as ammo is not right. Secondly, if you feel its not working out, then leave! Simple as that!

 

By never allowing that person to ever be a part of my life, in any way, again.

 

Hmm my ex wife slept with the singer in a band in a bar she went to with her friends.
I forgot and forgave. I thought. We stayed together another 7 years after that and broke up for unrelated reasons, although on a deeper level, they probably were related. I never brought it up or went on about it or threw it in her face. That is afrer the initial crappy relationship we had following the incident. In hindsight, i would never stay with someone who disrespected me so much. I ask myself why did i continue? We had 2 children, had just bought a house and blah blah.
So, never again would i allow myself to be walked over in that way.

 

Do you trust him? Do you love him? Do you trust yourself (as in your own decisions)? Do you love yourself? Are you comfortable with not having a relationship? It really comes down to you taking time alone and you thinking about yourself and the relationship. Even if you decide to stay in and later you decide to get out. There will be something that you learn from the relationship, at least hopefully. Good luck. It shows that you care about alot about him and the relationship by seeking input. I think you already know the answer though. Trust yourself.

 

I got over it by being angry with him, and drinking a lot of whisky. Maybe not the healthiest way, but it helped.

 

That's a tough one. The cheatings stings but the lying and planning to cheat like he did speaks volumes about his character. This is someone that you could invest your heart in and he may leave you stone cold.

Its scary to stay and scary to leave. I would probably go and deal with the loss of the relationship though. You are obviously wrestling with yourself for tolerating his betrayal. I doubt that will fade. I'm sure there is a guy out there that would love to wake up next to you everyday doll. I would go look for him if I were in your shoes.

Take all of that with a grain of salt though, the above is easy for me to say but certainly not easy to do. Hope you get it all sorted out.

 

doesn't matter if you've been together 3 months, boyfriend:girlfriend or married 10 years, kids and house.. worldly possessions don't matter, it's over and it will NEVER be the same again..

you need to find a new guy/girl, go out, travel, laugh, have great sex and enjoy life..

 

wow..so few replies to this op...i guess lots of people never get over a break up so they cant answer the question...


...you must...must immerse yourself in something that will occupy your TIME..because only time can heal this wound...haha...deep or what?

 

I haven`t been cheated on and breaking up always felt very freeing.

 

I recommend using condoms.

 

I don't forgive. I was cheated on once and I didn't talk to the fucker for 5 years until he managed to find me through myspace or something. I'll never talk to him again though...cheating is the ultimate no-no

 

Dump and move on. There is no point living with such anger and resentment.

Such a waste of your life.

 

This....

Life is way too short to be cheated on and angry in a relationship. You need to think about what makes *YOU* happy

 

Ok.
Having been cheated on twice in my 21 years of existence - I can tell you right now that the feeling to get over it is never easy, nor will it ever be.

It's one of those things that we see happen to us, but you never expect it to happen to you once, let alone twice.

Thankfully for me, I did have people I could turn to when I was down in the doldrums, and to an extent, they did help me out - but ultimately, it is the individual who has to clamp down, put it aside, and get on with life.

That is easier said than done, but it is doable, and it's about keeping your chin up, and finding someone else who is right for you.

 

:iagree:

You have been treated like shit please forget him and move on you obviously have much to offer the RIGHT person.............:2thumbsup:

 

having had a long history of relationships, i will tell you, OP....i concluded that EVERYONE is a liar and a sneak. therefore, i am not surprised if someone turns out to 'show it'.

use a condom. do not expect 'tomorrow'. don't sign any papers (marriage contracts, buying goods together, prenups....don't let them live on you long enough to get any legal basis). use the best condoms you can find!!!! ('Consumer Reports', i think it was february of '88, had a test of condoms).

when you can 'git some', and it appears the other person is reasonably safe, git it, and go. if they turn out to be a reasonably trustworthy person, then git it again...but don't expect tomorrow. you'll be disappointed, sure as shit smells...and don't expect you won't find them in your bed with your best friend, if you are so foolish as to give them a key to your house. don't do that...take care of yourself. you'll get used to it after while.