any other military wives out there?

is he canadian army or united states army?

 

canadian

 

well, i have a few close friends in the united states army/marine core, and you have nothing to worry about. hes gonna be doing his job along side the most powerful, precise, intelligent military in the world. wether it be the u.s or canadian or british military they were highly trained for this and have alot more intelligence than al quaida, the taliban etc.. he will be safe and will return home before you know it. oh and i hope we can put that little spat we had behind us.

 

Agree.

 

it may be alot different for you.. being the 10yrs, dont want to make you feel more miserable than u might feel.. But I couldnt never understand what the big deal was. why she couldnt wait.. There are many questions Id like answered , though im much over it now, and Im married to someone else and have 4 kids with 6grand kids ..
The last I heard of my ex, she tried to sue me for support and my attorney ripped her a new asshole, shes probably selling thay orifice for crack too..
my wife now. Im her second husband.. she was once married to a navy officer, all her kids was born sea section.. haha .. I love using that joke.

 

its a little bit of a big deal because its a huge adjustment, especially when kids are involved....its hard when youre used to having someone there with you every single night, sharing and loving, and what not ...and then to one day just have them gone, its hard to get through somedays knowing that theyre not gonna be back tonight, or the next night , or the next....

the loneliness is at times unbearable especially when youre on a new base and dont really have too many friends....the phone conversations can be difficult cause you both feel like you have to make it epic and put on a front that everything is all good, but dont want to make it too emo and cause a stir either.

I dont know what its like to be on the other end (being deployed) i just know that a lot of the time, i just miss him so much- being that hes my very best friend ever, its hard to make it through the day knowing he wont be there....its hard to imagine what hes going through, and it hurts very much to hear the homesickness in his voice and the stress, and the tiredness....thats the hardest part for me, hearing his fatigue wishing i could just make it better for him.

im glad you have moved on though and have a happy life now, we all deserve that!

 

no worries, at the end of everyday i clear my hard drive in my brain and let it all go...i dont like sleeping with a heavy heart

and yes i know that he's among the best of the best, but he's also a driver so that kind of weighs in on my worry.

i think positive as much as i can, cause we all know like attracts like- i like to think im not in denial and just make the best of it, but as im sure you can see i have my bad days too

 

thank you:sunny:

 

if hes driving a humvee or tank, those are safe and bullets just bounce off of them like there rubber. they jus thave to watch out for ied's or vbied's, but they have guys to dismantle those and they do a good job.

 

i appreciate your vote of confidence in his mission, i really do....theres just so much more to it than that, selfish i guess- but not all my worry is about his survival, its also about "our" survival- this is a true test of strength in a relationship, and im not gonna lie somedays i wonder, what is it all for? will he come back the same person? will he get so lonely over there, that.....it doesnt matter, but theres many concerns in this situation

 

you should just get stoned and chat with us .. hell be alright over there now..

 

MJ, stay strong. You are going through a really tough situation, there is no denying that, but you will be able to pull through!

Unrelated to the OPs situation but relating to someone else's post about the girlfriend thing.....After graduating high school, a good friend of mine was dating this girl who is a couple years younger than him, over the first summer after graduating, it seemed to me and many others that knew the pair, that they were falling in love. It was very nice to see. My friend then signed up and joined the army, and started basic training sometime in October. For a while the girl stayed with him and was counting down the weeks until her boyfriend would be coming home. While he was away she broke up with him, and sent him a letter to notify him.....i thought it was INCREDIBLY fucked up of her to do. made me sad thinking about it.

 

I was in the service and on long deployments it's not much different than what you describe MJ.

Like you said - just waiting to go to bed - often times sleep becomes a way to speed up the time you are trying to pass... the more often you are asleep the less time you have to spend waiting.

Realize that just like you are trying to stay strong and not complain or reach out becuase you don't want to burden him with your problems he is also doing a similar thing - trying to be strong for you and get through this - you both have that in common and it is something to bond with that normal civilians never have to deal with - a certain toughness of spirit. Take pride that you have a strong marriage when most of the normal people who don't have to deal with any of the things you do can't keep one to save their lives.

Also remember you have many many years left to enjoy together and patience is a virtue. How can you use your time now to make those years better?

Be a good mother and medicate yourself enough to get through it but not enough to make more problems

 

he WILL come back the same person and when he does and you guys get through all of this youll be stronger than ever. hes not gonna be foolin around with some afghani woman trust me

 

i dont really smoke anymore, though i do still have a stash...but i was having panic attacks for awhile there and had to lay off. you're probably right though

that was really fucked up of her to do, but until you've walked a mile in her shoes you cant make that call....its a tough situation, and not everyone is cut out for it. I cant imagine myself leaving because im strugggling, knowing that hes struggling even more than i am, but thats just me...not everyone is me.

this was perhaps the best advice so far, and i appreciate you saying it....its true that i have to self medicate a bit, but i would never in a million years let it take away from my responsbililties....my kids are my everything at this point, and i would never jeopardize that.

its not really afghani women im worried about, its whores within his own unit and coalition forces, ive heard some nasty stories about the US forces women being real effin whores. I know i shouldnt even fathom that, but, ya know....loneliness makes you wonder and worry.

 

I just wanna say again, thank you- so much, everyone....i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders talking about this with you guys....

ive been holding all this in for so long, i wouldnt talk to my family or friends about it cause i always have to be the 'strong" one and i didnt want them to think that i was capable of crumbling under pressure too....im always the one people in my life turn to, and i felt like shit imagining having to admit that i cant handle everything thats thrown my way. I can honestly say that i will sleep tonight with a light heart and a slight smile....thank you hf! <3

 

when some the men found out my gf left me, they were more pissed off than I was.. It was better that I told them she returned, though I was lying to them. I was their NCO, so it kept their hopes up.. And they could be less worried about the state of their relationships and get their job done. A distracted soldier is a.._- I think you know what to fill the blank with...
The best thing you can do is make sure he knows youre independent enough to take care of yourself. And one can never blame money as the problem for the break up..

But lets not trouble your mind with that stuff..

 

hmmmm, thought id come here and vent/update on the situation.......

it fucking sucks, it really really really sucks being alone every single day- it sucks going to bed alone, waking up alone, eating alone, doing everything alone.

at first i started out so strong, was totally swaggerin' my way through- even had moments where i was like "psshh, anyone who cant do this is a pussy" but as time started to pass my spirit became more and more worn down. I started becoming a lot more active in the community and making friends, which has been a huge help and i dont know what i would do without these people but, even the "high" of that has worn off and i find myself completely drained in every possible way- emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically this has taken a huge toll on me.

the worst part of it is, i feel like i dont even know him anymore, we've been a part for sooo long and rarely get to talk to eachother- and when we do, it feels strained and awkward....i wonder if that is normal or not.......dont get me wrong, i still love him with all my heart and i think of him so much but, the distance is killing me.

i dont understand how relationships can survive a deployment, let alone several, i feel like there has to be some magic answer that someone forgot to tell me.

how do you stay connected to someone so far away with such limited communication? know what i mean? it's just so fuckin strange to me and frustrating, overwhelming and so many other uncomfortable emotions.

i do have ebbs and flows with these feelings, i usually feel better for a few days after i get to talk to him but, then the shadows of insanity creep back into my sunshine and im left feeling so....so....i dont know, tired and alone i guess.


/random emo rant.

 

I wish I had something helpful to say.

But I do have a few questions:
How often do you get to talk to him?
How long has he been deployed? 6 months?

 

it varies on how much we get to talk, sometimes its every few days sometimes its week to week or less...

he's been away basically since november, was across the country doing training from nov- april, he was home for 2 weeks and has now been gone almost 2 months.

he was originally slated to come home in dec or jan but found out lastnight theres a good possibility that it'll be extended till as late as april of 2012.

*sigh*


thats a really really long time