Cheating Ex... Need some really good advice asap.

So I'll start from the beginning.
Two and a half years ago I took guitar lessons. I was 16. My teacher (23 at that time, the age difference matters more later in the story) and I started flirting not too long after. I found out he had a girlfriend that he wanted to get away from. We started talking on the internet too, and we opened up to eachother. We started seeing eachother. On Feb 14, 2009, we kissed. later that night I told him I can't be doing this because he had a gf. The next day he broke up with her. So everything was pretty good, besides the ex was still his friend. That caused a lot of drama, but I knew that I needed to give him time since we rushed things. So eight months later she moves to Texas(from Indiana) and marries the "love of her life". (she dated for seven months). It's all over and I am very happy, we were very happy. We shared something so deep, so very very deep. We were our true selves. I have NEVER had that. I cannot stress this enough. We slowly progressed to seeing eachother more and more. Well, skip a year ahead.

Last December he started talking about marriage more. He would walk me to ring stores and ask what if this or that was pretty. I had a good clue. At this time I began to think of ways to say, NO, not now! I was not ready. We had talked about it before, a lot, but I thought it was just "shooting sht" if you know what I mean. I was 18 then, still in HS. I had this friend that I considered one of my best friends that I hung out often with. We played music a lot. So my bf started giving her guitar lessons. It made me feel off, I didn't like them texting or hanging out. It just wasn't right. I said some things to both of them without seeming needy or entirely suspicious. Before long(in december actually) they just stopped. I didn't question why. So we continued being happy. Fast forward to after HS. (Late May.) We had been talking about me moving in. We THOUGHT we were ready, or at least I did. He seemed happy about. My parents are moving here soon, so I needed a more solid home, and it was a great location to get a good job. So I did not too long after graduation. Then he started getting VERY distant. His texts were shorter, in longer durations, he never came home when he said he would(he is late everywhere he goes, I might add). So I became lonely. I have no car, and most of my friends don't either. I was just doing HIS chores while he was at guitar lessons, or playing tennis. Last Saturday I got really annoyed when he was two hours late again, and mentioned it. He started saying "I'm not ready to settle down, I have these old fears and insecurities" so I asked him if he's considering breaking up. He said he didn't know. It hurt so badly. This went on for a few days. Things got better when he told me certain lies to make it "better", then he would confess it was a lie. I could not trust him. I felt these was another in his life, he insisted not. On wedseday he missed our movie date because he was talking to his tennis mentor. I do know he was actually there. When he did show up, we talked about everything (or so I thought).

He said we needed our time, and that he didn't think it was best for me to go to Texas on their family trip. He said he lied about wanting me to still live there (which i knew, i had already packed everything again. And I wanted to move out.) It hurt yet again but I felt like things could work out. After that, I get a call from that friend he gave lessons to earlier. She told me that one of her friends that my bf was giving lessons to said that they had kissed and he asked her out. So we argue, and he denies it but starts crying. Finally he confessed to this kissing( but just "once", lies). Then she calls back saying she has to be 100% honest. That they had kissed back in November, many times, made out, and "rubbed each other". So I broke up with him. He was silient except for a single "sorry" and that he did it because "he missed out on his youth". I have to add that today he is 26. This girl that he is now seeing is 16. A GIRL. 16, just like when we met. I called my parents and moved out at one in the morning.

Phew. That was a lot but I am sure I missed something.

So I talked to our mutual friend who has gone through this exact same thing (in both shoes). He made me more at peace because they were texting all night. My ex admitted to making the biggest mistake, and that he loves me and only me, but said I didn't want anything to do with him. This friend talked me through everything. I saw what i felt more clearly, and that is that I have always felt like we were soul mates. There could be no other explanation. But he had hurt me SO BADLY, that I was getting such mixed emotions. From fear to pain to anger and anything in between. But I still had hope that he would show me somehow how sorry he was, and that over a LOT of time I could one day forgive him and be together. But I didn't say this was going to happen, I'm not that naive. Plus I was still peed-off. He has not texted me since our break up. I don't believe he has broken up with this 16 year old. He lied to her and her parents and said he was 23, when he is indeed 26. He lied about me and him splitting up months ago to her. He also cheated on me and her, because he kissed me before I even knew about everything.

And I'm really not this shallow usually, but this "best friend" of mine is seriously hugely over weight and not good looking at all. And this new girl is pretty over weight, too. I used to be but I have since lost a lot of weight. I can't tell if he is a chubby chaser or has a thing for minors (ugh).

Sorry for the long message. I needed to say everything at once. Please help in any way you can, and I don't want to hear what you think I want to. I want honest answers.

 

The best thing you can do is make a clean break.

 

i need to start giving guitar lessons.

 

Probably both. You 16 and him 23 ... that's already quite the difference. But now he's 26 and she's again 16. Makes me think that when this guy's going to be 66 he will still be hitting on 16 year old girls. And it will be the ones who don't have too much self esteem because they're not good looking and/or overweight.

It's not your case (no offense here) but do you know what helps abused children to get away from pedophiles? They grow up and all of a sudden they're not interesting anymore. Sorry if I sound harsh but certain things just don't go down with me.

Run. Be free. Live your life. You are the sole person that help you right now. Do it.

 

yeah, he is a bit of a pedo by the sounds. no offense.

 

Yeah I understand all these positions. I really do, but I don't think I have accepted it yet. Irhgt now I am just letting whatever will happen happen, and focusing on myself. Dating just sounds repulsive.

 

i have know several men like this and i hate to say that you may need to just call it quits and be single for awhile. sometimes i have found this to be extremely beneficial to getting to know and be comfortable with myself.

 

Dating is overrated

Focus on yourself but don't let whatever will happen happen. Take control. YOU need to know who you want to be and what you want from your life. And work towards that.

Just live life to the fullest. I know it's not easy (believe me, I know) but the least you can do is try. You owe it to yourself.

 

I totally agree with everything you said. It's hard right now to find a straight-forward mentality and stick to it, though. If that makes any sense.

 

*hugs*

 

Moving on does not mean that you have to start dating! Moving on means leaving all that shit behind and thinking about what is right for you! Good luck,girl!

 

I agree, and it's really better not to date right after a breakup.

 

Lol I said I'm NOT going to date....