Opinion requested and appreciated

I live with my girlfriend. She used to be reliable, regular, dependable and on-time. She used to come home at the same time every nightunless she stopped off doing shopping. We had a great relationship. Then she got a promotion.
Now she comes home late a lot of nights and has to take trips out to other offices in the country. Some of the trips have been overnight. She says it's the job and that she needs to do the extra hours- when she had to stay overnight she forgot to tell me the name of the hotel she was staying in until I made a point of asking. She said while she was there, there would be other work people at the hotel but she had no interest in socialising so she was going to be in her room all evening on wireless internet and we could chat. After 3 hours 'at dinner' with people she 'didn't wnt to spend time with' because ' they were so slow serving dinner' she finally came back after not being contactable on her cellphone. Again, Peoople were Talking About Work so she 'had' to stay there.
Many of the other trips she says she'll be back on time but inexplicably it's always some other reason why she's late- traffic, missed flights, boss wanted a last minute meeting.
She's gotten into the habit of promising to call me and not doing it when she said. This week on three consecutive days she's had to go to different offices on training or office visits or other administrative stuff to do with pensions- always having to get up early and always coming home late and always unable to answer the phone because she's 'in meetings'. Some text messages she's said she sent explaining why she's not able to talk mysteriously never turn up on my phone.
Recently she went out and bought new underwear on a shopping trip without me, and the night before one of her trips out of the county started colouring her hair to cover up roots, plucked eyebrows et cetera. Sometimes when she comes home from work she goes straight upstairs to change out of work clothes. She used to spend a lot of time on social networks but now hardly posts anymore, still spending ages reading them. Once or twice I've come in the room and a window on her laptop screen will get suddenly closed.
We have pictures of her, and her and me on my photo sharing account. On consecutive days for maybe 9 days in a row, someone comes in and the same 6 pictures of her are looked at.
I've explained my uncomfortableness, about the remarkable run of bad fortune where simple coincidences and bad timing seem to point to the classic symbols of an affair on the go. She says she has to dye her hair and pluck eyebrows anyway, it's just routine and there was no special significance in it. She says that buying underwear was just because her usual ones were getting on a bit. She maintains that the promotion was always going to bring more work and the responsibility is hers to make sure she's seen to work hard at it. She got cross today because I rang up the place she was going to to find out when she would be able to leave ( and hopefully dodge the traffic ) and said I'd better not be checking up on her. She's always said I could read her e-mails and check her texts, although I think you don't offer that unless you're very concientious about tidying up and deleting unwanted files behind you.
I do love her and I want to believe her, I just find it difficult to be objective - all these 'unlucky coincidences' over a very short amount of time. Can anyone suggest if I'm being paranoid about this? I don't mind if people do think I'm just focussing on the negatives, I'd rather be reassured that it's merely a colossally massive sequence of bad luck and not obvious signs of anything else.

 

Some of it sounds like you're being paranoid, but put all the clues together and it does sound like shes having an affair. Of course, she could also be resentful of the fact that you're bothered by how much time she has to spend at work, and is purposely drawing away from you because of it. Its honestly hard to say.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If you can't trust her anymore, regardless of whether or not she's cheating, you might as well end the relationship. Otherwise, you guys have years of hell to look forward to. You'll always be paranoid that she's doing something behind your back, and she'll always be angry that you're so suspicious.

 

The question is, do you want a woman who puts her job before everything else in her life?

 

I don't think you have caught up to the fact that whatever is happening, you don't really want it. It sounds like she would put up a polite front if you didn't start pressuring her, and if she doesn't fall into a more exciting arrangement.
Seems like you have some ill considered expectations to come to terms with.
No one else is truly responsible for your well being but you, and any good attention you garner in life, is gravy.

 

U feel emasculated by her and are a tad jealous of her promotion how dare u try to stand in the way of a woman trying to break through the glass ceiling. After saying that if u have a problem with her leave her and find someone who gives you what u want.

 

I agree with this post.

One thing I know for a fact is that promotion CAN make someone quite busy to the point where they sometimes just cannot be approachable IN ANY WAY. Sounds to me like you, OP, may be slightly intimidated by the fact that your girlfriend now has more responsibility outside of your relationship. And of course, I can definitely detect a hint of paranoia in your post as well.

Ultimately, I think you should talk to her about this situation, and that you and your girlfriend both need to come to some kind of understanding, in a peaceful and forward-thinking manner. Personally, however, I don't believe you're quite ready for this discussion yet. It sounds to me like you have so far been focusing excessively on the nagative aspect of the situation, while overlooking the importance of being supportive of her career.

If you approach her with the "guilty until proven innocent" stance, then of course she'll resent that. Instead, I'd try the "innocent until proven guilty" approach, if I were you.

All the best!

 

You've told us what she's done, and you can't detect cheating from that. You can only tell whether someone is cheating from their attitude and if you know the person well.

 

Break up with her...

Your relationship is over.

Now, why would I say that? Because you have destroyed it... Whether your gf is cheating on you or not now, is totally beside the point.

The point is that for whatever reason, right or wrong, you have no trust left in her. The relationship is over... Trying to make it work from this point is going to cause more pain for the both of you.

Once the trust is gone, the relationship is over.

 

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This is total BULLSHIT ! He doesn't feel "emasculated" or a " jealous" of her success . He feels rejected , neglected and last on his girlfriends priority list .

He's not standing in her way of breaking through any glass ceiling BULLSHIT ! What a total crock of shit . If all you can do is male bash this man than why post ? Good luck being alone and miserable . " how dare he " , what the hell is that ? Yet if roles were reversed and it was the man who was away for "business" and neglecting his girlfriend with so much dis respect and being so inconsiderate and selfish . I can guarantee with 100 % accuracy you would see things differently and against his favor and oh how surprising for hers .

Always the double standard bullshit . You will take any given chance to bash a male . So much so you bash this poor man the o.p. . Who if his post is correct and honest has done nothing wrong except wanting to spend more time with her , and wants her to be less selfish and wrapped up in herself to the point were he now rates less to her than a turd she flushes down the toilet . Yeah but " how dare he " stand in HER way right ! UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE ! So he is just supposed to take all this woman's selfish ignorant shit right . Because she's a woman ? Yeah keep thinking that bullshit . You will have plenty of time to all alone .

To the o.p..
I'm sorry that you are finding yourself in this situation . This woman is selfish and ignorant i.m.o. . She could find time to fit you in to her life if she wanted to . She simply doesn't because I think she moved on to another . It doesn't seems she gives a good shit about how you feel nor how she is disrespecting you .

Always trust you gut instinct my friend . It's there for a reason . Level with her and tell her your thoughts and feelings . Tell her either she makes time for you or it's over . That you won't play second fiddle , or take a back non existent back seat in her life . That you demand the same respect that you give her .

And If that doesn't change her actions , than dump her selfish ass already . I suspect it's what she's waiting for anyway . As I think she is seeing someone else . To me this is the only reason she cares so little about how you feel and is giving such disrespect . Lay it on the line to her man . I think as cronic Tom stated this relationship has been over , on her end anyway . Good luck to you my friend i hope I'm wrong . But talking to her in a direct way and being honest with her is the only way of either resolving this situation or being freed from this nonexistent relationship .

 

What I do in situations like this, is I consciously think about the following saying. In the end these things matter most: how well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you learn to let go? (Buddha).

I know if you get suspicious, that only eats away at you, and drives the other person away. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

That being said, look inside yourself, do you love this person? Are you going to fully love this person, knowing that you might get hurt in the end? No one wants to be betrayed. No one wants to not be trusted. There are no easy answers. I do have to remind myself when these feelings creep up that I am capable and worthy and that there is nothing that life has handed me that I can't handle. Good luck.