Will I be OK? (trip report & after effects)

Hello everybody, been a lurker here for a while and am now making my first post, and its a bit of a doosy. This post involves both a trip report and experiencing anxiety like after effect from a bad trip on LSD. Please excuse my horrid grammer and anyone who would like to stick around, read this, and lend a bit of advice would be greatly appreciated by me..

So about 7 weeks ago I attended the Coachella music festival and while I was there I consumed a bit of Acid, as well as some Ecstasy pills.I had taken lsd 4 previous times, 3 times were very enjoyable, once was kinda tense, which I mostly blame on the workout supplement Jack3d, which i was cycling at the time.

The first day of the festival i only took half a pill of ecstasy, resulting in a fantastic time at the Chemical Brothers. The next day I took a single tab of white-on-white unperfed at around 1, resulting in a light but very enjoyable trip that lasted throughout the day. Then around 7 I took another tab followed by a full ecstasy pill about 2 hours later. This resulted in one of the most intense and mind exploding trips of my life, and I loved the shit out of it. Watching Animal Collective & Arcade Fire back to back was unbelievable; this was easily one of the best days of my life.

Then came Sunday. At 4 I took my final tab, another white on white unperforated, but I acquired this tab at the festival. My friends i was with had taken this acid on the previous day, and said it was easily the best they have dosed. I started to feel it around 30 minutes in, i could already tell this was gonna be a trip and a half. We went and saw nas & damien marley, a great show, but once it ended i was hit with this crippiling anxiety. I had never felt like this before, and its really hard for me to explain exactly what i was feeling like, but it was very unpleasent. My buddy wanted to get some food, i told him i couldnt sit still, so i went on my own path...

I wandered around the festival by myself, basically walking in circles around the grounds, trying to ward off the anxiety. I decided to hit up a stage to get some dancing in, and while this was going on I peaked out, and experienced ego death for the first time. It was unbelievable, i felt like a god, all the anxiety was gone, i was walking on a sea of euphoria. At this point i was convinced this was gonna be my best trip ever, and once the show I was at had ended, i went to meet up with my friend, but as soon we were together, i was grounded, and went back into anxiety land, only this time it was much worse. I felt paranoid, like i was about to die or pass out, a textbook "bad trip".

So the night went on and i tripped pretty bad for the duration. I felt a lot better once we were back at our hotel, but once i woke up in the morning, i knew something was wrong. I shook it off as a small drug hangover, and we traveled to the airport and made our way home. The after effect, however, have yet to go away. I feel very disconnected from my self, "depersonalization" would be the best way to describe it. It has gotten a little better since, but I am still not the person i was before i took the acid.

Now I dont blame LSD for this, its my own fault for taking it and not fully accepting the trip. I believe the bad trip was trigged by this, along with the bit of social anxiety and self image issues i have, due to a rough time in middle school. I posted this here because i would like to hear if anyone else has experienced after effect like this from Acid and how they have dealt with it. I dont wanna be a statistic; one of those people who have "gone crazy" from dosing, and i would also like to be able to take acid again, because I feel like once i overcome this, ill be able to handle myself and fully enjoy the affects of LSD.

 

honestly it sounds like the anxiety could have been triggered by a real physical problem. Did you drink a lot of water at Coachella? That place is soo dry and if you aren't used to it or not drinking water it can do weird things to your body. Being on acid just probably made it worse.

Depersonalization is a symptom of an anxiety disorder. You just may be leaning towards that and the circumstance put you over the edge. It would be helpful to talk to a professional about it before it takes hold of you. Really it just a behavioral response so please don't worry! Just get guidence on what to do. BTW anything you tell a LICENSED therapist is confidental so be truthful about the acid.

I speak about all of this from experience. Take care, you will be ok.

 

I think as you are a newbie tripper possibly you were not comfortable in big crowds ??

 

Thanks for the responses, i dont think it was the water or crowds, i was hydrating constantly and all the other times i have tripped have been at shows. I believe the bad trip to have been caused by my underestimation of the trip itself. The other times i tripped were all off of 2 hits, and i didnt think i would be that fucked up off of one tab. That trip turned out to be stronger than any other phsychadelic experience i have had, and my mind was trying to resist it.

 

Maybe the mix of extacy and acid? I'd space those out over a long time period. Mixing can cause weird results..

 

oknevermind. i guess you know best but then why did you ask?

 

I wouldn't worry too much, as hard as that sounds. A couple years ago I took some acid and had some bad anxiety for a bit afterwards, believe me when I say that I understand how truly horrifying it is to think that you might never be the same again. But remember that its just chemicals in your brain readjusting back to normal. I was back to normal in a couple months. If it helps you calm down, remember that brain plasticity is the proven psychological phenomena where the brain is traumatized and afterword "fixes" itself, what youre going through is not permanent, by any means. Don't worry man, we've all been there, you'll be fine.

 

if that was the first trip to give you a full dose of intense ego-loss, then i would definitely relate a lot of that to your feelings of disconnection in the days after the trip.

At bonnaroo 08 i went through a similar earth-shattering ego-loss acid trip at Ghostland Observatory that completely changed my entire paradigm towards myself and everyone around me from that point forward. I wouldn't say the change was permanent but i would definitely say that the mark it left at the seat of my consciousness was. It has left its scar. Plus, you'll never be able to ever sustain an ego-loss experience anyway, with drugs or no drugs. The important thing is the timeless glimpse that you awaken to.

If you're into spirituality even in the tiniest bit, then i would suggest reading up more on it as your life continues. You may very well be just beginning to walk a strenuous (atleast for me) but life changing path towards self-realization. Don't take it lightly.

Yet at the same time, take it EXTREMELY lightly. The heavier things get, the more light your approach needs to be. Just pay attention and be highly receptive to anything that you experience.